Annoying things about getting older as a woman

Read about the author Samantha Evans

Some of the following things will have older women nodding in agreement and younger women preparing themselves for what is to come. I’m in my mid forties so read anything about the on coming storm of menopause to ensure that I’m well prepared and use some of the following as reasons for my strange behaviour!

1. I cry at the strangest things

Being a mother, wife and perimenopausal woman, I tend to keep my emotions intact most days but then will be hit by a wave of emotions and have a good blub. As to why, I don’t know. Sometimes, it is at a sad film, book or picture, sometimes an advert can set it off or even a whiff of a familiar smell!

We all have happy and sad days but as a woman of a certain age, I feel I’m having them more and more often. My husband and children are getting used to giving me a hug, then leaving me to work it out. It passes, it’s just my hormones!

2. Where has my waist gone?

I can’t keep using the excuse that my tummy is my “Jack fat”, a reference to our youngest child who is 14! Eating healthily or in my case, the fasting diet which has shifted 10 lbs but no more, I think the way forward is to stock up on more big knickers to hold it all in. As my husband says, only he sees it in its unfettered glory and there is more to love.

3. Why am I allergic to new stuff?

Every time a new anti ageing product hits the market I’m tempted to buy it to witness its so-called amazing powers but as I’ve got older, I seem to be allergic to anything new! I could put anything on my skin in my teens and twenties but not now. The slightest whiff of a new ingredient and I’m like a puffer fish with sunburn. It’s got so embarrassing returning products that I have stopped buying them and stick to what works.

Perhaps my skin was so overloaded with stuff in my younger years, it is saying no more please! Give it a rest. So I will learn to age gracefully and not be tempted into buying any more new products.

4. I do not snore!

My husband needs to get shares in earplugs! Being an amateur singer I have always told him I don’t snore as I have a firm soft palate. Obviously not, as witnessed by his earplug consumption. He snores too but I sleep deeply so tend not to be disturbed!

Good old age affects your throat muscles so that they get softer and collapse more, obstructing your airflow and creating that unladylike snort!

5. Where are my glasses?

I’ve always prided my self on having a good memory, especially having three children at three different schools but over the years I have tended to forget the little things, like where are my glasses or where did I hide those Christmas/birthday presents?

I have found Christmas presents hidden away 6 months after the event so give them the following year. I do normally know where most things are in our house, as they sometimes tend to be in unusual places and none of my family can open cupboards or move anything to find their stuff.

I have recently found myself putting things in the wrong place, like utensils in the fridge and cleaning products in the bin! I remember my mum doing this and thought it was strange. Well, I’ve hit that stage too and now understand what she was doing!

At least I’m getting some exercise when I’ve climbed to my daughter’s attic room (three flights of stairs) to promptly forget what it was I was doing or why I was going up there! So it’s not always a waste of time!

6. What’s your name?

Forgetting people’s names has never been a problem but in the town where I live, I used to bump into the same person occasionally who obviously knew me and my children but I could never remember her name or that of her children. I always managed to fluff my way through our conversation but it went on too long for me to say “sorry, I can’t remember your name”. I think she has moved or now avoids me as I haven’t seen her for several years!

Having children, you remember their friends names but not their parents. I’ve spent years thinking someone was called Beryl when she was really called Gail!

7. What was I talking about?

As I get older, I sometimes tend to lose my drift or struggle to find the right words. I’m not sure if this is due to my age or just that fact that I have too many things to remember or do and it tends to get a bit mixed up. I often describe the word I’m looking for, using 6 words to do so! My children often finish my sentences for me if I can’t remember what I’m talking about.

8. Is it hot in here, or just me?

I’ve always felt the cold, especially at night – so much so that my husband thinks I have ice in my veins. But recently, I have been getting hot, and not always in a sexy way! I don’t have hot flushes yet but often need the window open first thing on waking up which causes complaints from my husband and the children. The only positive thing is that this is preparing me for the dreaded flushes in advance so my family can prepare themselves with extra jumpers to wear in the house when I throw open all the windows in December!

9. Thank goodness for YES organic lubricant!

I may be getting old but I still love sex so thank goodness for YES organic lubricant. I discovered this wonderful stuff several years ago and have never looked back. The women who own this company are geniuses. I write lots of articles about vaginal dryness, lubricants and always recommend YES. Vaginal dryness goes hand in hand with getting older and even if your brain is in the mood for sex, your body sometimes isn’t quite there so give it a little helping hand with YES.

We plaster our faces and bodies with moisturisers, so why not lavish some attention on our hidden parts too!

10. I wish I’d done my pelvic floor exercise after children

I do my pelvic floor exercises now with the help of LELO Luna balls as I’m always looking for an easier way to exercise! I only wish I’d started earlier in my life. After having three children, two of which were big boys, my pelvic floor is in need of some TLC! Too busy to even consider looking after it when my children were small, I try to lavish some attention on it now in my older years. And the benefits are paying off – better sex! All I can say is, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze or invest in some Luna balls.

The above things may seem negative aspects of getting older, but I feel wiser, happier and more comfortable with myself. I’m far more militant than I was in my youth, and anyone who tries to mess with a post menopausal mother of three children will be in for a shock. My husband and children say I can be quite scary at times and call me Komodomum Something to do with my love of bearded dragons that got lost in translation by my youngest son!

I have better sex now than I ever did and try to accept all my wobbly bits as part of the life I have created with my husband and having our children. By recognising and embracing the above I hope to grow old gracefully and enjoy whatever life throws at me by laughing at the things that make me, me!