As a former nurse and co-founder of Jo Divine, I have written extensively about enjoying great sex whoever you are, whatever your age, gender, sexual orientation, disability or health conditions. I use my nursing and medical knowledge to create practical sexual health and pleasure articles you can find on our blog and on our press page.
I also post short videos and posts on my Instagram account @samtalkssex
As a result of having in-depth content on our website and advising many people with sexual health issues, we were asked to create the Jo Divine health brochure in 2015 with Consultant uro-gynaecologist Mr Alex Slack, Women’s Health physiotherapist Pip Salmon and gynaecology ward manager Lynda Wickenden at Tunbridge Wells Hospital who recognise that sexual pleasure and intimacy is important to many people.
They wanted to recommend products that can be used with medical dilators and sexual lubricants to encourage their patients to use the dilators or as an alternative to help post-operative scarring, vaginal tightness, vaginismus, post childbirth, post cancer treatment and when sex feels painful.
They also wanted to help their patients with decreased sexual sensation following gynaecological surgery and cancer treatment or as a result of a medical condition including diabetes, neurological conditions, post childbirth and those going through and post menopause.
It is well documented that cancer treatments impact upon sexual function, sensation, libido and body image, yet many healthcare professionals do not discuss these sexual side effects and patients often feel reluctant to talk about them.
If the medical or surgical treatment or health conditions impact upon your ability to enjoy pleasurable sex in whatever way you want to, talking about sex needs to be a compulsory part of treatment.
Research published in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology (2016) found that nearly 1 in 10 women, non-binary and trans people experience painful sex, known as dyspareunia but don’t seek help because of embarrassment, or they think they have to put up with it. The study of 7000 women aged between 16-74 found women in their late 50s and early 60s were mainly affected, and younger women aged 16-24.
There are many other causes for painful sex such as post op scarring after gynaecological surgery such as a hysterectomy, post childbirth scarring, breastfeeding and sex, vaginal dryness, medical conditions, genital skin conditions such as lichens sclerosus, sexual health conditions like vaginismus, the impact of the menopause, following cancer treatment for breast cancer, womb cancer, cervical cancer, vulval cancer, ovarian cancer, stress, anxiety and decreased sensation.
“Thanks so much, I saw your little video on the website, and thank you for being so straightforward about everything. I’ve been putting off doing anything for ages as I thought it would be intimidating, but finally feel I have found a good resource. I’ll read the brochure and definitely be back in touch to order some stuff” (customer with ovarian cancer)
The health brochure is not just aimed at people who experience gynaecological health issues, we also work with several HCPs working in Breast Cancer Care. Recent research from Breast Cancer Care (2018) found that 8 out of 10 women are dissatisfied with their sex life after breast cancer and struggle to receive the right support or advice to help them recover their sexual intimacy and pleasure.
“Samantha’s products and information has been a life changer for many of my patients. Her website is definitely one worthy of a view and also to signpost patients/clients to. Your website is a godsend as far as I’m concerned!! Most of my patients prefer not to look at the likes of Ann Summers, they want good honest reviews of products with articles they can relate to….. really well done!” Aisling Burke WHPhysio, Kent
The health brochure is given out by menopause doctors in menopause clinics and in support groups across the UK, by psychosexual therapists, in genital pain and dermatology clinics, therapeutic radiographers, by gynaecologists and gynaecological clinical nurse specialists, including Macmillan nurses and by breast cancer care nurses and doctors and stoma care nurses too.
“Just to let you know, your selection of toys went down a storm with the patients who attended our roadshow. I included them in my talks and this created lots of interest. All the booklets and leaflets were taken, and several people indicated they would be making purchases. More importantly, the fact that sex can be enjoyed by all was well received and discussed in the Q&A session. Many thanks, Kevin”. Kevin Hayles, Amcare Stoma Care Nurse Manager
We carefully selected suitable products to include in our health brochure, which has grown in number of pages and products over the years. It includes products that can help with vaginal tightness and dryness, decreased sexual sensation, boost libido and arousal, prevent deep penetrations and make sex feel great.
Using a vibrator increases arousal, blood flow, sexual sensation and your ability to orgasm, promotes healing of scar tissue, eases vaginal tightness, boosts your natural vaginal lubrication, making the vagina feel more hydrated, all of which makes sex feel more pleasurable.
These slim vibrators, designed for internal and external play, range in size. When used as an alternative to, or with dilators, they gently stretch the vagina
walls to make them more flexible and penetration more pleasurable.
Jo Divine IMMY, our first own branded sex toy, is a powerful 7 speed battery powered vibrator, and the slimmest in our health range. It is frequently recommended by many of the healthcare professionals we work with, especially as a first toy and to help sexual health issues including vaginismus, vaginal tightness, vaginal atrophy and massaging scar tissue.
The soft, smooth silicone shaft is narrow and has a flexible tip, perfect for massaging around the entrance of the vagina and any scar tissue. Ideal for those who want to try a vibrator but are concerned about size. You can also remove the silicone sleeve to enjoy the 7 speed bullet on its own.
Waterproof
Size: Total length 10 cm/4” | circ. 7.2 cm/2.9”
Powered by 1 × 1.5volt N-size /LR1 (included)
Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
Rocks-Off Prism is a sleek and slender beauty, ideal for people who want to try a vibrator but are concerned about size or prefer a slim product. With 10 functions, this beautiful, powerful skin-safe multicoloured, long and slim vibrator delivers intense internal and external stimulation.
It is ideal for easing vaginal tightness, massaging scar tissue after childbirth and post-operatively.
Size: Total length 12.7 cm/5” | circ. 6.35 cm/2.5”
Powered by 2 x AAA batteries (included)
Suitable to use with our all our irritant free sexual lubricants
Rocks Off Peri Berri is a powerful battery operated G-spot vibrator. Easy to control with just one button, you can enjoy 10 vibrations sensations via the powerful motors located in the head. Being very flexible, Peri Berri fits perfectly to the contours of your body to deliver deep pleasure sensations exactly where you want them.
It is100% waterproof, so ideal for relaxing in the bath or shower
Size: Insertable length 16cm/6.2” Max circ. 12.5cm/5”
Powered by 2 x AAA batteries (included)
Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
OhMiBod Cuddle Mini is a petite, flexible, powerful vibrator, with 7 preset vibration patterns and 6 levels of intensity. The raised bump at the tip can help massage the tissues of the vagina and feels great on your clitoris. It is gently curved to follow the natural shape of your vagina and is rechargeable
Size: Insertable 10 cm/3.9” | max circ. 9.5 cm/3.7”
USB charging cable included
Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
CalExotics Mini Marvels Marvelous Lover is a dual function vibrator designed for internal and external pleasure. The powerful motor is located in the very slim shaft/handle of the toy, which is adjustable, allowing you to find a position that works for you. You can bend it, so the flat head can rest on your clitoris, providing dual stimulation. Perfect for anyone worried about using a classically shaped toy too.
Size: Insertable 10 cm/4” | circ. 8.5 cm/3.3”
USB charging cable included
Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
LELO Liv v2 is a luxurious rechargeable slim vibrator. With a soft body-safe silicone exterior and eight whisper-quiet vibration patterns offering intense stimulation, Liv is perfect for newcomers to sex toys as it is small and unintimidating.
Size: Insertable 10 cm/4” | circ. 9.3 cm /3.7”
USB charging cable included
Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
Offering a slim, curved profile, PicoBong Zizo is a popular battery-powered vibrator in the health range. Coated in soft, velvety silicone, it is ideal for gentle sex play. With an unintimidating size, the waterproof Zizo has a whisper-quiet motor and 12 different speed settings and pulse patterns, offering a range of vibrations to suit everyone. It is the same size as an average penis.
Size: Insertable 14 cm/5.5” | circ. 10.5 cm/4.1”
Powered by 2 x AAA batteries
Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
Je Joue Uma has a contoured shaft which curves with your body and offers a smooth tip, that is slightly larger and more bulbous than the other toys mentioned above. The silicone is smooth and seamless. Uma offers outstanding deep fluttering, rumbling vibrations which are ideal for both pleasure and promoting blood supply. Perfect for easing tightness and massaging scar tissue
Size: Insertable 12 cm/4.75” | circ. 11.5 cm/4.5”
USB charging cable included
Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
It is well known that 70% of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation, but often sexual health issues, including cancer treatment, medical and surgical intervention, menopause, medication and health conditions lead to decreased sexual sensation and diminished libido. Which is where clitoral toys come into their own, offering sexual stimulation and sensations not possible through masturbation alone. All these toys are ideal to play with alone or a partner.
From a simple bullet vibrator like the Rocks-Off Sugar Damson, the beautiful ergonomically pebble shaped Je Joue Mimi Soft with deep rumbling vibes and a squidgy tip to the Game Changer, there are many clitoral stimulators that help increase sexual sensation and a flagging libido. Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
The LELO SONA 2 was featured on Sex, Myths and the Menopause with Davina McCall.
Sonic wave technology has transformed orgasms everywhere, and SONA 2 is a real Game changer and one of our best-selling products. SONA 2 does not vibrate, it gently teases and caresses your clitoris into submission. SONA 2’s new generation of sonic waves offers fast yet gentle clitoral stimulation. Perfect for everyone, SONA 2 is ideal for those who experience decreased sexual sensation, struggle to orgasm or find their orgasms feel less intense. Great for getting warmed up for sex, boosting blood flow, arousal and libido.
We recommend using the LELO SONA 2 with our water-based lubricants to get a better seal
Three quarters of people with a vagina will experience painful penetrative sex at some point. However, these products can help you to enjoy sex again because painful sex is not pleasurable sex.
The Calexotics Inspire Dilator Kit offers 5 dilators that are ergonomically curved and easy to use. Made from flexible, skin-safe silicone, they have easy to use loop handles which makes them comfortable to hold. Great to use with IMMY as it fits through the loop handle of the three smaller dilators and turns them into a vibrating dilator. We often recommend IMMY with the dilator kit, as many people find using IMMY before dilating helps them to relax. The Inspire Dilators are suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
Does deep penetration sometimes feel painful?
The Ohnut is an ingenious product made from 4 stretchy silicone rings designed to act as a buffer and prevent deep penetration. These comfy modular rings are worn around the base of a penetrating partner and compress down. Rings can be added or removed at any time to enjoy pleasurable, pain-free sex. Being incredibly stretchy, Ohnut is suitable for any penis size, including those who are more well-endowed.
Suitable to use with our water – based and oil – based lubricants but not our silicone lubricant
We’re passionate about intimate health and sexual pleasure, which is why we only sell irritant free lubes and moisturisers that feel incredible and can transform your sex life because ingredients matter when it comes to your intimate health and sexual pleasure.
Most commercial lubes and even some available on prescription, contain cheap, low-quality ingredients including parabens, glycerines, glycols, alcohol, dyes and perfumes, which can cause irritation, thrush and bacterial vaginosis. Many popular brands lubricate but actively remove moisture from the vaginal walls, so exacerbate vaginal dryness.
Many people tell us our lubricants have transformed their intimate health and sexual pleasure, which is great because there is nothing sexy or pleasurable about a bout of thrush or itchy vulva!
Many people are unsure how to use their lubricant so we have created this article which may be helpful.
Made with botanical and organic ingredients that are sustainably sourced, SUTIL Luxe contains ingredients that moisturise, nourish and enhance your intimate health. SUTIL Luxe is a premium lube that feels natural, not intrusive. It gently cushions and glides, blending seamlessly with your own natural lubrication, making you feel wetter. Unlike most other water-based lubes, Luxe is long-lasting and does not dry out, making it economical to use.
SUTIL Luxe is an excellent lube for menopausal and post-menopausal people and can be used as a vaginal/ vulval moisturiser too. If you care about what you eat and use on your face and body, give your vagina the lube it deserves – you won’t regret it!
Non-staining and condom safe.
SUTIL Rich is a thick, velvety water -based lubricant that feels like it’s silicone-based.
Designed with a pH suitable for both anal and vaginal use, the new “Rich” formulation has enhanced viscosity to ease anal penetration and soothe dry, delicate tissues. SUTIL Rich contains small amounts of Horny Goat Weed – a herbal aphrodisiac – that is added, along with Siberian Ginseng and Jujube nut. Traditionally, these herbs are used to increase strength, energy, stamina and vitality, but they also help to boost immune functions and have natural antibiotic and antiseptic properties to fight infection.
Horny Goat Weed is also a vasodilator, which promotes blood flow and increases natural lubrication. Depending on your sensitivity, you may feel a warm, slightly tingly sensation when using SUTIL Rich and if you are new to SUTIL we would recommend trying SUTIL Luxe first (or try both!).The both come in a 10ml sample size, 3-4 uses.
SUTIL Rich is an excellent lube for menopausal and post-menopausal people who find sex painful or uncomfortable, and can be used as a vaginal/ vulval moisturiser too. It is not recommended for those who take nitroglycerin, have sensitivities to herbal extracts, or experience vulval/vaginal sensitivity -
In these cases, the SUTIL Luxe is the lube for you.
YES Water-based lubricant facilitates your pleasure without overwhelming your skin or senses. It is free of taste, smell, colour and residue. Also free of glycerine, parabens and glycols. Made from organic ingredients, it is non-staining and condom safe.
YES oil-based lubricant provides a wonderful smooth feel which enhances your enjoyment and helps sex play, without soreness or irritation. Created from the finest quality plant oils, it is nourishing to the skin. It is great to pop on if swimming in chlorinated water or the sea to protect the tissues of the vulva. Not latex condom safe.
YESOB and YESWB can be used together to create a Double Glide effect. You can also use it with Sutil too.
Just as you moisturise your face and body, moisturising our vulva and vagina keeps the tissues flexible, hydrated and free from irritation, all of which helps to make any penetrative sex more pleasurable and cervical screening test more comfortable. Having an intimate regime is important to keep your vulva and vagina happy and healthy. YES Vaginal Moisturiser is a long-lasting vaginal moisturising gel, pH balanced to restore and maintain vaginal health. Bio-adhesive, releasing moisture when needed. Non-irritating natural and organic ingredients. YESVM is not a sexual lubricant, it is designed to be used every 3-4 days internally and externally as required.
Many people like to use the YES applicators ; however, you can use our handy Calexotics Lube Tube applicators which allows you to put 5mls of your favourite lubricant or vaginal moisturiser exactly where you need it. Made from skin safe plastic, they come in a pack of two and can be washed in hot soapy water to keep them clean.
We work with several cancer charities, and you can find out about our cancer charity work here
I frequently give talks to both HCPs who treat and care for patients going through cancer treatments and to people who have had cancer or are living with cancer and share my knowledge and expertise on podcasts
I frequently give talks to healthcare professionals to help them open the conversation about enjoying good sexual health and pleasurable sex to their patients. These are our previous talks.
I have written and talked extensively about enjoying sex during and post menopause. I featured on Sex, Myths and the Menopause with Davina McCall on Channel 4. You can find out about all the talks I have given and the menopause experts and support groups we work with and the events I have attended here.
Having many older customers in their 70s, 80s and 90s who enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure I was invited to join an online panel with Adam Lewis, founder of Hot Octopuss, Dr Louise Newson, GP and Menopause specialist at Newson Health and Jackie Marshall-Cyrus, moderator and Ageing Innovation Strategist on the Healthy Ageing and Sex panel at the Longevity Congress in April 2020 to discuss the benefits of sex as we get older, dispelling societal myths about sex and ageing, attitudes of healthcare professionals towards their older patients who wish to continue enjoying great sex, sex toy retailers who claim to be inclusive by being LGBTQ+ yet ignore older people and those with disabilities and how, by not including the over 50s in their advertising campaigns, some sexual health brands are missing out on the huge spending capacity this older demographic has.
I joined Times Radio to chat about midlife sex.
Paul and I were invited to talk to Mervyn Eastman on Talk Radio about older people, sexual health, intimacy, pleasure and the role of society in perpetuating myths surrounding older sex.
We believe that sexual health and pleasure go hand in hand and finding ways in which to enjoy sexual intimacy, either using sex toys, lubricants or just changing the way in which you think about sex, is important. Enjoying good sexual health and pleasure benefits both your physical and mental wellbeing whatever your age, gender, sexual orientation, health condition or disability.
The health brochure is available free of charge to healthcare professionals in the UK to give to their patients, and for anyone who would like a copy, or copies for an event, health talk, menopause café or chat, etc. Please email or call to request a brochure.
If you are a HCP, please email or phone for discount codes and health brochures with your contact details.
I am more than happy to talk to you or your patients on the phone if you have any questions. All information remains confidential.
Samantha Evans
www.jodivine.com
01892 888284
@samtalkssex Instagram and Twitter
Useful websites
Chris’s Cancer Community: http://www.chris-cancercommunity.com
Womb Cancer Support: http://wombcancersupportuk.weebly.com
Ovacome
Trekstock
VulvalCancerAwareness
LichensSclerosusAwareness
Peaches Womb Cancer Trust
Make 2nds Count
Menopause Support: http://www.menopausesupport.co.uk
My Menopause Doctor: http://www.menopausedoctor.co.uk – Dr Louise Newson
Dr Hannah Short – Menopause Specialist
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy
The Daisy Network
Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists
International Association For Premenstrual Disorders
Eve Appeal
Menopause Mandate
Squeezy app is a really useful little app you can download to prompt you to do those pelvic floor exercises. Designed by womens health physiotherapist Myra Robson it can help women with their pelvic floor muscle exercises as part of a physiotherapy programme.
Talking about sexual health, function and pleasure generally is not part of healthcare training. It wasn’t part of my nurse training and from the conversations I have with many people and healthcare professionals (HCPs)it still is not part of training or considered important.
We work with so many proactive HCPs who really care about the sex lives of their patients, who give out our health brochure, signpost their patients to our website articles and to me for more advice and for product recommendations. We, in turn, can signpost our customers to pelvic health physio, psychosexual therapists, genital dermatology clinics, menopause advice, support groups and the charities we work with.
Our health brochures have been given out at the Women’s Health Summit for physiotherapists, many of whom use our website as a resource for sexual advice for their patients. We work with proactive pelvic health physiotherapists who work hard to ensure their patients enjoy good sexual health and pleasure. I frequently signpost people to a pelvic health physio.
I am a member of the Women’s Health Physio Group which has over 7000 members worldwide and Mens Health Physio Group, both of which are valuable resources for physio recommendations, information, advice and research within the world of pelvic health physio
“Samantha’s products and information has been a life changer for many of my patients. Her website is definitely one worthy of a view and also to signpost patients/clients to. Your website is a god send as far as I’m concerned!! Most of my patients don’t want to look at the likes of Ann Summers, they want good honest reviews of products with articles they can relate to….. really well done!” Aisling Burke WHPhysio, KentI gave a talk about enjoying sex after childbirth at the Mummy MOT training course for pelvic health physiotherapists.
I’ve given talks to WH physiotherapists at the Chelsea And Westminster Hospital, Queen Mary’s Roehampton, St Thomas’ Hospital and Frimley Park.
I was invited to talk about our work and our products by the amazing Louise Field, founder of Adore your Pelvic Floor to her coaches which was lots of fun.
I joined the fabulous Debbie Dillon, pelvic health physiotherapist who talked about psychosexual medicine and physio on the PelvicRoar webinar to chat about our products, the health brochure and the way in which we work with many pelvic health physios to help people overcome sexual health issues.
I spoke to gynaecologists and obstetricians at Tunbridge Wells Hospital and joined the team at East Suffolk NHS Trust for their Vulval Disease study day to talk about our work and products.
I gave a talk to healthcare professionals at the Genital Pain and Dermatology Clinic at St Peter’s Hospital in Chertsey and joined the MDT Genital Dermatology meeting at Chelsea and Westminster about our products as we often advise people with genital skin conditions including lichens sclerosus and those who have vulval cancer.
I was invited to give a talk at the Daisy Network Conference in June 2017 about sexual intimacy and pleasure. This is a amazing charity supporting women who have Premature Ovarian Insufficiency, younger women between 16-40 which leads to early menopause, the symptoms of which impact upon sexual pleasure and function, relationships and body confidence. I had a stand in 2018 and joined their online webinar in 2020. I frequently signpost people to the Daisy Network for advice and support. I have been invited to speak at the Daisy Day in September 2022.
I attended the Vaginismus and Dyspareunia Conference held by Manchester Mental Health Trust (2018) where our silicone dilator kit and suitable sex toys were of great interest to the delegates.
We work with several psychosexual therapists.
Paul and I gave a talk to the students training with the Clinical Institute of Sexology in Cambridge and I recorded two training videos with the wonderful Julie Sale, Director at the Institute for her training course and gave a teaching session to her online students all about sex toys and sexual lubricants. We work with many psychosexual therapists who we can signpost people to for advice and support.
I gave a talk at the COSRT Genital Pain study day in 2019
We attended the College Of Sex and Relationship Therapists conference (2019) and had fascinating conversations with the delegates about our products and work at Jo Divine. Many now have some of our products to show to their patients and health brochures to give out, and we recommend them to our customers.
You can find out about these talks here which include HCP talks
You can find out about these talks here
The health brochure is given out by menopause doctors in menopause clinics and in support groups across the UK, by psychosexual therapists, in genital pain and dermatology clinics, by gynaecologists and gynaecological clinical nurse specialists, including Macmillan nurses and by breast cancer care nurses and doctors and stoma care nurses too.
“Just to let you know, your selection of toys went down a storm with the patients who attended our roadshow. I included them in my talks and this created lots of interest. All the booklets and leaflets were taken, and several people indicated they would be making purchases. More importantly, the fact that sex can be enjoyed by all was well received and discussed in the Q&A session. Many thanks, Kevin”. Kevin Hayles, Amcare Stoma Care Nurse ManagerI am also a member of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists Women’s Involvement Panel group where many of the members are women working in women’s health or who have personal experience of gynaecological issues who offer their advice, experience, review guidelines and patients leaflets published by RCOG and raise awareness about the work they are doing such as support groups, national campaigns and as patient advocates. This information is shared with the RCOG to improve gynaecological treatment, care and their training programme.
]]>As a former nurse and sexual health and pleasure expert, I often give talks about Sex and Cancer, to healthcare professionals, cancer charities we work with and people who have/have had cancer.
Cancer and the treatment of cancer has a huge impact upon sexual health and pleasure, yet many people struggle to regain their sexual function ad reclaim their sex life following their treatment because healthcare professionals often do not have the confidence or practical knowledge to open the conversation.
This is why talking about sex, signposting patients to websites such as Jo Divine, to pelvic health physios and psychosexual therapists is important to help people to enjoy pleasurable sex in whatever way they can. We have many articles on our blog about sex and cancer with practical advice, information, product recommendations, charities and support groups and personal experiences from people of all ages who have had cancer or are living with cancer.
In 2015 I gave my first talk at the Survivorship Multidisciplinary Conference for National Forum of Gynaecology Oncology Nurses and the British Gynaecology Cancer Society about the health brochure and related articles on Jo Divine magazine offering help, advice practical tips and links to suitable products for women who experience vaginal tightness, vaginal dryness, post op scarring, desensitisation and pelvic floor weakness.
I gave a talk at the Ovacome Health and Wellbeing day in March 2019, an amazing charity supporting women during ovarian cancer and following treatment. Many women and their partners struggle to regain their sex lives due to the impact of treatment, so we talked about alternative ways beyond penetrative sex to regain sexual function and to gradually return to being sexual intimate.
I joined the Ovacome wellbeing webinar in April 2020 talking about sexual health, intimacy and pleasure where we had lots of really great questions which I hopefully answered. This was repeated in August 2020, and you can find a link to the webinar at Ovacome.
I gave a talk at the Guy’s Cancer Academy Sexual Wellbeing and Cancer on Tuesday 4th February 2020 where I spoke to 100 healthcare professionals and several patient speakers about regaining sexual function and enjoying intimacy and pleasure post treatment and when living with cancer. I talked about the importance of using pH balanced sexual lubricants and vaginal moisturisers, what ingredients to avoid such as glycerin, glycols and parabens, the detrimental impact of feminine hygiene products and how using suitable sex toys can really help people enjoy better sex.
It was so good to hear feedback from a group of therapeutic radiographers who said “the study day was practice changing” and one attendee said they’re going to stop recommending KY in the future and using it herself. Progress!
I was invited to join the panel at the fabulous Trekstock event Lifting the Lid on Cancer and Menopause on Wednesday 26th February 2020. It was a fantastic event, fun and informative and quite emotional at times. Lauren Mahon ( Girl vs Cancer) was such a brilliant host, so full of energy and incredibly funny, she put all the panel at ease, especially the fabulous Lydia Brain who spoke about having womb cancer at 24 and Nicky Newman who has secondary breast cancer, both incredibly inspirational and amazing women. Dr Louise Newson and Dr Heather Currie spoke about HRT myths and how many women can use local oestrogen, Dr Marie Gerval talked abut her work, ongoing research and how the Daisy Network can support anyone with premature ovarian insufficiency and early menopause.
I was the light entertainment talking about sexual health, intimacy and pleasure, the need for good intimate health, no KY, I think everyone on the panel said this, irritating lube and moisturiser ingredients, feminine hygiene products, simple sex toys, the small steps to take to get back to sex without penetration because low libido is a huge problem.
Lauren was fabulous telling everyone to masturbate and have an orgasm because it really helped her (love this woman!). I gave away numerous organic lubes, condoms and our sex toy raffle was a huge hit! I have been invited to join upcoming panel discussions, which is great. I had several emotional chats with a couple of women whom I hope will get in touch so I can help them. Talking about menopause and sex to this group of young women is so important. I find it really frustrating that they are often left to struggle with their symptoms, no one advises them about sexual intimacy and pleasure, yet this should be a compulsory part of any cancer treatment whatever your age, sexual orientation or gender. It is a privilege to be working with such a fabulous charity, who are filling the gap that other cancer charities and HCPs are missing.
I joined the panel at Trekstock to talk about Lifting the Lid on Sex and Cancer on 28th September 2021 and joined Trekstock for their 5-week menopause course online to talk about sex and menopause on 4th October 2021. This course was so successful, it was repeated in February 2022 and November 2022
The fabulous Cheryl Johnson invited me to run a Sex and Cancer session as part of Cancer Creativity in December 2020 which included a quiz and sex toys as prizes!
I spoke to the Macmillan team at the North Devon NHS Trust about sex and cancer in June 2021, including ways to open the conversation including recommending irritant free lubes, moisturisers, dilators, suitable sex toys and how patients can regain their sexual function and enjoy sex post treatment. I joined them in September 2022 for their revalidation study day
I talked about Sex and Womb Cancer at the Peaches Trust, a womb cancer charity, as part of their online Wellness Day on 29th September 2021 for their members and joined them in September 2022 for their Wellbeing Day online. You can find my video with Lavinia Winch on their website.
I was invited to join the secondary breast cancer charity, Make 2nds Count, to talk at their Wellbeing week in February 2022.
I gave a talk at the Young Breast Cancer Group at Guys Hospital in September 2022
I gave a talk to Life After Cancer in October 2022 for their Wellbeing day online
I joined @Rad_Chat for an IG Live in December 2022 with Jo McNamara and Naman Julka Anderson, to talk about sex and cancer following radiotherapy. They are so proactive in opening this conversation and teaching students.
I had so much fun recording a podcast episode for Don’t Ignore The Elephant with the fabulous Dr Liz O’Riorden, a breast surgeon who has had breast cancer. We had a lively and informative chat about enjoying sex after breast cancer treatment, which was aired in October 2021. The feedback for our episode has been amazing, with people getting in touch for advice about sex toys, dilators, irritant free lubricants and vaginal moisturisers. Many said they are now having intimate conversations and feel positive that they can reclaim their sex life after treatment now they have the right advice.
I joined Naman Julka- Anderson, a Therapeutic Radiographer on his RadTalk podcast to chat about sexual health, intimacy and pleasure and the impact of late effects following radiotherapy including the importance of why ingredients matter in sexual lubricants and moisturisers, how sex toys and dilators can help people regain their sexual function, so they can enjoy pleasurable sex and why talking about sex, offering practical advice and signposting patients to websites such as Jo Divine needs to be a compulsory part of cancer care. Naman is really proactive in opening the conversation about enjoying pleasurable sex to his patients and signposting them to me and Jo Divine. He is now encouraging other therapeutic radiographers to have the confidence to have this conversation with their patients too.
I joined the fabulous Dani Binnington on The Menopause and Cancer Podcast and Dr Charlotte Gooding, Menopause GP to chat about Cancer and Sexual health, Intimacy, and Pleasure in Spetember 2022
I wrote an blog for Chris’ Cancer Community. Chris and I created a video about Sex and Cancer.
I recorded a video with the fabulous Elvin Box about the impact having Prostate Cancer had upon his sexual function, intimacy and pleasure, mental health and relationship too. The health brochure was sent to a female prostate cancer group to help partners continue to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure with their partner
]]>The impact of menopause upon your sexual health, pleasure, intimacy and relationships cannot be underestimated.
Many people struggle to seek advice because they are too embarrassed, assume this is part of menopause, they have to live with a less than satisfactory sex life or have been told this by their Dr or give up completely. Simply telling people to use lube or buying a tube of lube on the shelf in the high street shop or supermarket is not the solution because the vast majority of sexual lubricants and vaginal moisturisers contain many irritating ingredients that exacerbate intimate health issues and can even mask genital skin issues that require topical steroids. Yet practical help, advice and skin safe irritant free products can really help to transform intimate health and sexual pleasure.
Every day I give advice on the phone, by email or DM about enjoying pleasurable sex and good sexual health during perimenopause, menopause and post menopause because your sex life doesn’t have to stop, it can be even better during and post menopause. After all, sex is meant to be noisy, messy, embarrassing, consensual, pleasurable and most of all, fun.
Our health brochure is also given out by HCPs across the UK and in many menopause groups.
In addition to working with leading menopause experts and support groups I record videos for my Instagram account @samtalkssex including about the importance of looking after your intimate health, especially as you hit your 40s, how I look after my sexual health and how sex toys can help menopausal symptoms. I have recorded several Instagram Live videos with other people talking about menopause and sex, too.
I work with Diane Danzebrink who set up Menopause Support to offer advice to women throughout the menopause and beyond. She has both closed and open FB groups. Di started the #Make Menopause Matter campaign in 2018, an online petition with three aims:
1. Mandatory menopause training for GPs and for a mandatory menopause module to be taught at every medical school
2. Menopause support in the workplace
3. Menopause education in the PSHE school curriculum – this was achieved in 2020.
The petition has nearly 200,000 signatures. Please add your signature too.
Diane and I recorded two vlogs, one about pelvic health and one about sex and menopause, which you can find on her website Menopause Support.
Dr Louise Newson is a GP and medical writer with a particular interest in menopause and who set up My Menopause Doctor website offering comprehensive advice about getting the right HRT for your individual needs. She and her team created the Balance app, that offers comprehensive menopause advice, research and support. They also set up the Menopause Charity, offering free “Confidence in Menopause” training to healthcare professionals. I am part of the Menopause Charity.
Dr Louise Newson says
“Most of my patients do not have sex any more – such a shame. They change once their HRT is right. I am amazed how few women have sex and put up with it. Also don’t know how their husbands cope. They also often say they have never been asked about sex by anyone before and are pleased to have the opportunity to talk about it. I usually recommend Jo Divine”.
I recorded a podcast with Dr Newson about Sex and the Menopause, talking about intimate health including using suitable sexual lubricants and vaginal moisturisers, how sex toys can help you regain your sex life and how to talk to your partner about enjoying sexual intimacy and pleasure.
I was thrilled to be mentioned as a resource for sexual intimacy and pleasure advice in addition to Jo Divine in Dr Louise Newson’s books, a Haynes Manual on Menopause – a definitive guide to help women, their partners and families cut through the plethora of misinformation and take a straightforward look at menopause and Preparing for the Menopause and Perimenopause
Menopausing by Davina McCall with Dr Naomi Potter
The M Word by Dr Philippa Kay
Cracking the Menopause by Mariella Frostrup and Alice Smellie. Alice and I had lots of fun talking all about sex and so much more for the sex chapter, which is excellent.
The Complete Guide to POI and Early Menopause by Dr Hannah Short and Dr Mandy LeonHardt. This book is so in-depth covering everything from medical and surgical information to diet, exercise, mental wellbeing, fertility and relationships. Such a valuable resource for those with POI and going through early menopause, who often struggle to find information and get the right diagnosis and support
“Need to let you know that ++ patients have been enormously grateful for the varied articles on your website. They’ve found them incredibly helpful, reassuring and less alone/isolated. Thank you for your work – it’s much appreciated, I can assure you!” Dr Hannah Short, GP Suffolk
Me & My Menopausal Vagina by Jane Lewis. Having been asked to review her book all I can say is if you have a vagina read it, if you know someone with a vagina read it and if you are a HCP, read it, it is brilliant!
Jane Lewis who set up Vaginal Atrophy FB group wrote an article for our website to help other women with Vagina Atrophy. We filmed a video about ways to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure when you have VA. Jane and I also recorded an IG Live.
I’m so proud to have been part of Davina McCall Sex, Myths and the Menopause programme on Channel 4.
I was invited to give a talk at the Daisy Network Conference in June 2017 about sexual intimacy and pleasure. This is a amazing charity supporting women who have Premature Ovarian Insufficiency, younger women between 16-40 which leads to early menopause, the symptoms of which impact upon sexual pleasure and function, relationships and body confidence. I had a stand in 2018 and joined their online webinar in 2020. I have been invited to join them in September 2022.
In March 2019 I had a stand at the West Middlesex Menopause Symposium for both staff and healthcare professionals working in gynaecology. It was wonderful to hear the Occupational Health nurse suggest setting up a menopause support group for staff, as many women struggle with symptoms at work, some even having to give up their careers.
I joined Katie Taylor, founder of the Latte Lounge, and the panel of experts which included Liz Earle, Dr Louise Newson, Athena Laminsos, CEO of Eve Appeal, Diane Danzebrink and Jane Lewis to talk about menopause at the Eve Appeal charity event in July 2018
I gave an online talk to the North London NHS Trust menopause group.
I have recorded several IG Lives with menopause experts, which you can find on my IG account @samtalkssex
I am the sexual health and pleasure expert for M-Brace Menopause Facebook Group set up by the fabulous Sharon Dunsford
In June 2022 I was privileged to be invited to a fabulous Menopause event at The Portland Hospital in their new space designed for women and their families with Miss Claire Mellon and her associates and Newson Health Menopause Society.
It was such a pleasure to be in a room with so many leading Menopause doctors, gynaecologists and urogynaecologists.
I met Dr Annie Neale, a gynaecologist I have been working with virtually for several years which was lovely and connected with many other medical professionals including Miss Mellon and her team, all of whom are passionate about gynaecological and reproductive health.
Dr Louise Newson and Dr Rebecca Lewis shared their extensive Menopause knowledge, the incredible work they do and case studies of patients they have helped. The Long COVID study results were fascinating and clearly requires much more research.
Dr Rebecca Gibbs gave a very entertaining and informative talk about Vulval health, one of my favourite topics.
Dr Rachel Hines spoke about irregular bleeding, what the cause may be and getting it checked. It’s such an important issue and should never be ignored.
Dr Rav Khasriya talked about incontinence and UTIs. She runs the leading and only LUTS clinic at the Whittington Hospital which I have recommended to friends, family and customers who had chronic UTIs, all of whom have been treated successfully
On 13th June 2022 I was invited to join the Menopause Mandate in Parliament for a fabulous day, with so many incredible speakers and women sharing their experience of menopause.
Mariella Frostrup make me feel tearful with her opening speech but it was so great to listen to incredible speakers talking about their work and personal experiences of menopause.
Lisa Snowdon, a brilliant menopause campaigner, chatted with a Menopause Mandate supporter about the long struggle she had to get the right diagnosis and treatment for her symptoms due to the lack of training her GP had.
It was lovely to meet with Davina McCall again ( we finally got our photo!) who chatted with Dr Shahzadi Harper and Dr Juliette Balfour, both menopause doctors about why such distressing stories as shared on the menopause Mandate are so common and what can be done to ensure all patients receive the right diagnosis, support, advice and treatment.
We stopped for lunch and had a fun and noisy photocall in the great hall which entertained several visitors.
Carolyn Harris MP opened the afternoon session to talk about the menopause Mandate and our mission.
I finally got to meet the fabulous Alice Smellie who organised the event and is co-author of Cracking the menopause (Alice and I had long conversations during lockdown talking about sex for her chapter in the book). She chatted with Kate Muir, author of Everything You Need To Know About The menopause and producer of Sex, Myths and the menopause and Sex, Mind and The Menopause and Professor Henrietta Bowden-Jones OBE, President of Psychiatry at the Royal Society of Medicine, about the effects of menopause on mental health, and the brain.
Penny Lancaster, another fabulous Menopause Mandate campaigner, chatted with another menopause Mandate supporter about her menopause journey and the urgent need for GPs to be trained.
Professor Claire Anderson, President of the Royal Pharmaceutical Society and Dr Phillippa Kaye, author of the M Word ( which includes Jo Divine), talked about how GPs and pharmacists can work together to overcome HRT shortages. it was such a pleasure to finally meet Phillippa as we often chat on social media.
Finally, the Fawcett Society shares their recent report about menopause and the Workplace, which clearly demonstrates that employers have to so more to support their employees going through menopause as many are leaving their jobs, which is a huge loss of experience and highly trained people and an enormous cost to industry too.
It really feels as if change is coming at last. There are so many people, MPs, celebrities, grassroot campaigners and menopause groups working hard to ensure this happens, and together we will be the generation to Make Menopause Matter now and for future generations.
I am also a member of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists Women’s Involvement Panel group where many of the members are women working in women’s health or who have personal experience of gynaecological issues who offer their advice, experience, review guidelines and patients leaflets published by RCOG and raise awareness about the work they are doing such as support groups, national campaigns and as patient advocates to improve gynaecological treatment and care.
I am also a member of the Surgical Menopause Advisory Committee for International Association For Premenstrual Disorders with Dr Hannah Short, Dr Nick Panay, Diane Danzebrink, Dr Malcolm Dixon and Andrea Chisholm
I was invited to talk to a support group via Zoom called See Her Thrive set up by the amazing Clare Louise Knox to help people with PMDD.
]]>At Jo Divine we work with several cancer charities, by giving talks, webinars, products and health brochures for events, writing sexual health and pleasure articles and helping people who have been signposted to us by the charities. We also signpost some of our customers to these charities for more support too.
All these charities contribute greatly to the health and wellbeing and quality of life of so many people who have cancer and have been through treatment. They frequently support the work our oncology medical and nursing professionals do and give the help, advice and important information that is often missed, or there simply isn’t time to give within the NHS. They are all smaller charities who understand exactly what their members are going through and offer much needed support on minimal budgets. So please support them if you can.
Womb Cancer Support is the first cancer charity we started working with in 2016. It is a fantastic charity set up and run by Kaz Molloy who supports many people who have had womb cancer. Kaz is an incredible woman who has had womb cancer but found there was little advice and support post treatment and that there is no official womb cancer charity. She has worked tirelessly over the years alone to provide support and help to many people.
I wrote an article about sex and womb cancer for her website to help women and their partners enjoy sexual pleasure and intimacy after treatment. You can also find an article on our blog.
Peaches Womb Cancer Trust was set up in 2022, and they now support the work that Kaz does.
Peaches Womb Cancer Trust was founded in 2020 by a team of enthusiastic and dedicated researchers, doctors and nurses based at St. Mary’s Hospital in Manchester, who work alongside Professor Emma Crosbie. Prof. Crosbie has dedicated her career to developing early detection tests, cancer prevention and treatment strategies for endometrial (womb) cancer.
Their aim is to preserve the health and improve the experience of those with or at risk of womb cancer and their families, carrying out womb cancer research, raising awareness, training health care professionals and providing patient education and support resources
I gave a webinar at Peaches Womb Cancer Trust about enjoying good sexual health and pleasurable sex in September 2021
We work with Ovacome, to help women enjoying sexual intimacy and pleasure after ovarian cancer. They are a charity which supports women and their partners during and following treatment.
I gave a talk at their Wellbeing Day in 2019 and took part in their Wellbeing webinar in April 2020 and August 2020. I have also contributed to the sex advice in their Sex and Ovarian Cancer booklet
We work with Trekstock, a fantastic charity who support young people with cancer.
I joined the panel at the fabulous Trekstock event Lifting the Lid on Cancer and Menopause on Wednesday 26th February 2020. It was a fantastic event, fun and informative and quite emotional at times. Lauren Mahon ( Girl vs Cancer) was such a brilliant host, so full of energy and incredibly funny, she put all the panel at ease, especially the fabulous Lydia Brain who spoke about having womb cancer at 24 and Nicky Newman who has secondary breast cancer, both incredibly inspirational and amazing women. Dr Louise Newson and Dr Heather Currie spoke about HRT myths and how many women can use local oestrogen, Dr Marie Gerval talked abut her work, ongoing research and how the Daisy Network can support anyone with premature ovarian insufficiency and early menopause.
I was invited to join the panel at Trekstock to talk about Lifting the Lid on Sex and Cancer on 28th September 2021 and joined Trekstock for their 5-week menopause course online to talk about sex and menopause on 4th October 2021. This course was so successful it was repeated in February 2022.
I have also contributed to the Trekstock Sex and Cancer booklet
We work with Lichens Sclerosus and Vulval Cancer Awareness, a support group founded by Clare Baumhauer who had vulval cancer and Emma Norman who has Lichens Sclerosus. They are incredible people who help, advise and provide support to so many people who have vulva cancer or Lichens Sclerosus. We frequently advise people who have Lichens Sclerosus about ways to enjoy pleasurable sex.
I joined Emma in January 2021 for an IGLive to talk about enjoying sex when you have Lichesn sclerosus.
I joined the secondary breast cancer charity, Make 2nds Count, to talk about sexual health, intimacy and pleasure at their Wellbeing week in February 2022. Make 2nds Count are the first breast cancer charity we have started working with, who offer incredible advice, support and help for anyone with secondary breast cancer
Getting HCPs talking about sexual issues can be difficult. So, I wrote an article about why HCPs find it difficult to talk about sex with their patients and how we can change this to make it easier for patients to raise their sexual problems with their doctor at the request of Chris Lewis who set up Chris-cancercommunity. No one has to give up on enjoying pleasurable sex just because they have cancer or have been through treatment.
Chris is an amazing cancer advocate and expert patient, campaigning tirelessly for better care, faster diagnosis and treatment for anyone with a cancer diagnosis. He has campaigned worldwide sharing his expertise, knowledge and passion to help so many people who have a cancer diagnosis, are living with cancer and following treatment. Quality of life is as important, if not more important, than just surviving cancer treatment, and we need to do better because many people are surviving cancer but living with a poor quality of life.
Chris and I made a video about Sex and Cancer you can find on our YouTube channel and Chris’ website too.
We are huge supporters of the work that the Eve Appeal do, attending their events (Get Lippy and Gynaecological Cancer Awareness Month) and sharing their campaigns, in addition to signposting our customers to them for support and advice. Eve Appeal support so many people of all ages who have been diagnosed with a gynaecological cancer, which includes cervical, endometrial (womb), vaginal, ovarian and vulval cancers. They raise awareness and educate people about symptoms, encourage people to seek medical advice as soon as possible when they notice symptoms or abnormal changes because early diagnosis and treatment leads to better outcomes. They also raise funding for valuable research into gynaecological cancers for early detection, better screening tests and new treatment, all of which saves many lives every year.
Chris’s Cancer Community: http://www.chris-cancercommunity.com
Womb Cancer Support: http://wombcancersupportuk.weebly.com
Ovacome
Trekstock
VulvalCancerAwareness
LichensSclerosusAwareness
Peaches Womb Cancer Trust
Make 2nds Count
Eve Appeal
.
]]>Hands up, who has had thrush?
Let’s face it, no one wants thrush but according to SH24 NHS 75% of people with a vagina and vulva will get a bout a thrush. For many, including myself, recurrent thrush was or is a part of our lives. It is one of the top three most searched conditions, which highlights its prevalence. Medical conditions such as diabetes also increase the prevalence of thrush.
I, personally, discovered intimate hygiene products, bathing products and ingredients in lubes and moisturisers were the culprit. It drives me potty that these products are even more widely available and constantly promoted at anyone with a vulva and vagina, even teenagers. Our vulvas and vaginas are the last part of our bodies to be monetised, and it is big business, rapidly growing despite many of these products cause irritation, infection and destroy our friendly bacteria that protect our intimate health. We are inundated with celebrities promoting their bath bombs, irritating lubricants, vagina tightening treatments, the list is endless and even worse are the medical professionals who are paid to promote these products!
It took 20 years for me to discover that glycerin, glycols, parabens, dyes, perfumes, alcohol and Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (aka Sodium Laureth Sulphate and often shortened to SLS) all cause irritation. Now I know, I have a regime for my intimate health to prevent thrush which includes using good skin safe irritant free lubes which include YES oil-based lubricant SUTIL Luxe and SUTIL Rich and YESVM, a vaginal moisturiser. I only wash my vulva with water, I avoid baths (and I really miss them but realise they were also exacerbating my vagina health) and never use soap, intimate washes and bath bombs!
I have a bath bomb I use for talks sent by a manufacturer that is still in its original packaging. I store it in another plastic bag with a jelly sex toy because they are both heavily perfumed and smell disgusting. Yet, people buy these products and put them inside the most delicate and sensitive parts of their bodies!
I’m always advising people to ditch bath bombs! I call them thrush bombs because so many people experience irritation or thrush after having a long soak in the bath with one of these! Often brands will try to rename their ingredients to hide the fact they are glycerin, glycol or parabens by adding a prefix to confuse customers. Sodium Lauryl Sulfate is a huge problem because it strips the skin of its natural oils, which causes dry skin, irritation and allergic reactions. Inflammatory skin reactions include itchy skin and scalp, eczema and dermatitis. Other irritating ingredients include fragrances, dyes and glitter. Glitter can also get embedded into the walls of the vagina and tissues of the vulva and anus, leading to irritation and infection.
With videos on YouTube showing mums with small children mixing up bath bombs made from poor ingredients, it is big business. Small children and young girls have incredibly delicate vulvas and vaginas More worryingly some look like sweets and children have been known to eat them too!
Just walking past thrush bombs in a shop makes my nose itch.
If you love a long soak in the bath, stop before throwing that bath bomb into the water, think about your intimate health and choose skin safe products with irritant free ingredients because getting a bout of thrush isn’t sexy or fun.
]]>We often get calls and emails from customers asking how they should use their lube, especially those who have never used a lubricant before.
There is no hard and fast way to use lube, you may need to experiment with whatever works for you. Using a good lube can make masturbation, any sex play alone or with a partner and when using sex toys feel wonderful.
Personally, I pop a little on before any sex play, I find it really arousing, and I very rarely need to add more, especially when we use SUTIL Luxe or SUTIL Rich because they’re much longer lasting than many water-based lubes.
Some people like applying it with their fingers, on a sex toy or get their partner to gently massage it onto their vulva or penis, inside their vagina, or anus Other people apply it when they’re about to have penetrative sex. We also have a reusable lube tube to help you get it exactly where you want it.
It’s all about finding what works for you and /or a partner. Often people struggle because they’re using poor lubes that sting because of irritating ingredients, just feel sticky because of the glycerin or are intrusive, none of which is fun or arousing! A good sexual lubricant should feel natural, as if it were your own natural lubrication. This often puts people off using a lubricant because they assume they’re all the same when we know using a great lube can transform your sexual pleasure whatever your age or gender
We always recommend using our skin safe irritant free lubes SUTIL Luxe and Rich or YES water based or YES oil-based lubes which can also be used together to create a Double Glide effect. Any oil-based lubricant will destroy latex condoms
SUTIL Rich is thicker than SUTIL Luxe so is perfect for anal sex too.
Some people like using ID Velvet silicone lube which is great for any sex play as it feels very slippery and is long-lasting, but we do not recommend using any silicone lubricants with silicone sex toys as it damages the material of the toy.
Our oil based and silicone lubes are great for sex play in the bath, shower, sea, and pool as they’re longer lasting and won’t wash away in water unlike water-based lubes.
You can even use YES oil-based lube for a sensual massage to incorporate it into your sex play.
However, you use your lube, we know that using a good irritant free lubricant can transform your sexual health and pleasure.
]]>We often recommend using a vaginal moisturiser because we know it can improve your vulva and vagina health and make sex feel pleasurable.
As we age, go through menopause, following cancer treatment or when breastfeeding, the tissues of our vulva and vagina can shrink as the levels of oestrogen deplete, leaving them less flexible, less well lubricated, which can make penetrative sex feel painful and more prone to infections including thrush and bacterial vaginosis in addition to becoming sore and irritated. Many people reach for an intimate wash, unsuitable product from their bathroom or kitchen cupboard or poor lubricant, believing they can ease these symptoms but only exacerbate their vagina and vulva health issues.
A vaginal moisturiser is different from a sexual lubricant, as it is longer lasting and designed to nourish the tissues of the vulva and vagina. It works by slowly releasing water, where needed, rehydrating dry mucosa. When used regularly, it restores the natural protective acidity of the vagina. It is not designed for sex play, although some people do use it in this way. Just as you moisturise your face and body, it is recommended to use a vaginal moisturiser internally every 3-4 days and moisturise your vulva as necessary, this may be daily or every few days.
Many people assume that products designed to moisturise the face and body are suitable for your vagina and vulva. Just because a product is slippery doesn’t mean it is suitable for your intimate health. Some vaginal moisturisers contain many irritating ingredients including glycerin, glycols, parabens, dyes, perfumes and alcohol, all of which have no place inside our vaginas and on our vulvas.
We only recommend YESVM, SUTIL Luxe and SUTIL Rich because ingredients matter when it comes to your intimate health. These moisturisers are free from any irritating ingredients as mentioned above.
You can apply your moisturiser using your fingers, on a sex toy or dilator or with our reusable Lube Tube to get it inside your vagina and massage it on your vulva. Some people like using the YESVM applicators which are single use. They’re handy to pop in your bag when on the move or going away for a weekend.
If you find it is runny, pop your moisturiser in last thing at night after you’ve had your final wee before you go to sleep. You can also massage it onto your vulva to nourish the tissues, alleviate dryness and discomfort and keep them healthy
I, personally, have a regime for my vagina and vulva that I recommend to customers which includes using YESVM x 2 weekly, local oestrogen x 3 weekly, Sutil Luxe or Rich or YES oil based lube for any sex play, I only wash this area with water, I never use shower gels, bath bombs, intimate washes, wipes or sprays. You can also use Sutil Luxe and Rich as a vaginal moisturiser too. I use YESVM internally on Monday and Thursday, just before I go to bed after my last visit to the toilet. And my local oestrogen on Sunday, Tuesday and Friday. I moisturise my vulva with YESVM or SUTIL as and when I feel I need it.
]]>Do you have a daily skin care regime? Moisturise your body after a bath or shower? Really care about what you eat? How about your vulva and vagina?
Plenty of people have just laughed when I ask if they moisturise their vulva and vagina! Personally having had many sexual health issues I cannot understand why people don’t look after their intimate health or care about the products they use in this incredibly delicate and sensitive part of your body.
Many people really care about the products they use on their skin, face, body and hair and the food they eat, dilgently checking the ingredients and where they are sourced from yet few think about looking after their vulva and vagina health or think about the products they use intimately.
Our vaginas are self cleaning so we don’t need to wash them, scrub, scour, bleach or perfume them, all this do is disrupt the delicate pH of the vagina which leads to irritation and infection. However we do need to look after them.
The tissues of your vulva and vagina need TLC to keep them happy and healthy so you can keep enjoying great sex, whatever your age but especially during perimenopause, menopause and post menopause.
Known as Genitourinary symptoms of Menopause (GSM) the delicate tissues of the vulva and vagina can feel less well lubricated and dry, they can shrink leading to vaginal tightness, making any penetrative sex play, smear tests and pelvic examinations uncomfortable or painful. They can become irritated, itchy, sore and you may experience infections such as thrush and bacterial vaginosis. You may also experience bladder and urethral irritation, needing to pee frequently, urgency in needing to pee or notice a burning or stinging sensation when you pee. This is due to the depleting oestrogen inside the vagina and bladder. Oestrogen keeps our vaginas, vulvas, urethra and bladder happy and healthy so when it starts to decline during perimenopause and menopause, this is often when people notice symptoms.
No one needs a perfumed vulva and vagina so stay away from those intimate washes and bath bombs please! So many people who experience vulva and vaginal irritation buy feminine hygiene products, vaginal moisturisers, washes, douches, creams, lotions and potions to try to ease symptoms yet the vast majority of these products are all manufactured with irritating ingredients that do more harm than good, exacerbate or are ineffective in easing symptoms. Often people reach for completely unsuitable products in their kitchen or bathroom cupboards never created for intimate use. Just because it’s slippery or you can eat it doesn’t mean you can use it for sex or as a moisturiser!
If you feel you need to wash with a product a gentle emollient will be suitable.
Using local oestrogen can be a game changer when it comes to enjoying pleasurable sex and preventing genitourinary issues. Many people only start using local oestrogen when they have issues yet it can prevent many issues from happening. Local oestrogen which comes in pessaries, cream and ring pessaries is absorbed in the vagina, vulva and bladder replacing the depleting oestrogen to keep the tissues flexible, promote lubrication and prevent infections and irritation. The vast majority of people with a vulva and vagina can use local oestrogen so speak to your GP or a menopause expert. Some people choose not to use it, others don’t know what it is and some people may not be able to use it. For clinical evidenced based information take a look at the NICE Menopause guidelines and the excellent menopause medical and healthcare professionals and resources listed below.
I personally use pessaries that I pop inside my vagina x 3 weekly and I have to say it has transformed my vagina and bladder health in addition to making sex feel even more pleasurable.
Firstly please don’t grab the cheapest product from the shelf in the supermarket or pharmacy. You can ask a pharmacist for advice but many have no idea abut why ingredients really matter, they’ll just sell you their most popular well known brands, the vast majority of which contain many irritating ingredients. Ingredients really matter when it comes to your intimate health, you need to avoid irritating ingredients widely used in some very well known vaginal moisturisers, even on prescription and high street own brands which include glycerin, glycols, parabens, perfumes, dyes, alcohol and petroleum jelly.
I personally have a regime for my vagina and vulva that I recommend to customers which includes using YESVM x 2 weekly, local eostrogen x 3 weekly, Sutil Luxe or Rich or YES oil based lube for any sex play, I only wash this area with water, I never use shower gels, bath bombs, intimate washes, wipes or sprays. You can also use Sutil Luxe and Rich as a vaginal moisturiser too.
If you spend £££ on your skin care or body care regime think about the products you buy and use for intimate health and sex play. Grabbing the cheapest product from the shelf or taking that celebrity /influencer recommendation may leave you with irritation or even an infection. If your GP prescribes or recommends a vaginal moisturiser, ask them what the ingredients are, just because it’s on prescription doesn’t always mean it’s good for your intimate health!
So become an ingredients detective, check the label and moisturise your vulva and vagina for good intimate health and pleasurable sex.
We work with many of these amazing people, charities and support groups.
Dr Louise Newson
Newson Health
The Menopause Charity
Dr Hannah Short
The Daisy Network – charity for premature ovarian insufficiency
British Menopause Society
Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology
Menopause Support
Menopause Support for LGBTQIA
Trekstock
IAPMD
Mpowered Women
Latte Lounge
College of Sex and Relationship Therapists :https://www.cosrt.org.uk/
Womb Cancer Support: www.wombcancersupportuk.weebly.com
Eve Appeal: www.eveappeal.org.uk
Shine Cancer: www.shinecancersupport.org
Clic Sargeant: www.clicsargent.org.uk
Macmillan: www.macmillan.org.uk
GRACE (Gynae-Oncology Clinical Research and Excellence): www.grace-charity.org.uk
Pelvic Roar
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy
Image credit Charlotte Wilcox @vagina_museum
]]>“I had no idea breastfeeding affects your vaginal lubrication, why doesn’t the midwife or GP tell you this after you’ve had a baby?”
This was a comment we often hear when we advise people post childbirth who are worried about getting back to enjoying sex or may be experiencing vaginal dryness for the first time. Yet, we know using a good irritant free sexual lubricant can transform your sex life post childbirth.
Many tell us they have no idea that breastfeeding their baby impacts upon their vaginal lubrication, making sex feels uncomfortable or painful. Some think there is something seriously wrong with them, they are no longer being turned on, or the delivery has damaged them in some way and worry unnecessarily when using a good sexual lubricant can resolve their issues.
Some are frustrated that no one, including their midwife, health visitor or GP, had never mentioned this to them. I know my GP didn’t advise me with all three children, he just said, “have a glass of wine and relax!” Recommending using a good sexual lubricant would have been more helpful!
Oestrogen levels drop following delivery and can remain low for the first several months or longer when breastfeeding. This is because we produce prolactin, a protein that enables mammals (and birds), usually females, to produce milk. However, prolactin impacts upon oestrogen production which, in turn, impacts upon our vagina health and ability to secrete natural lubrication.
This is why using a irritant free vaginal lubricant such as YES water based lubricant, YES oil based lubricant SUTIL Luxe and SUTIL Rich will make sex feel more comfortable, pleasurable and last longer. If you’re not using condoms you can use both YES water based lubricant and YES oil based lubricant to create a Double Glide effect for longer lasting sex play, whether that is masturbation, using a sex toy or intercourse.
If you are using condoms, we do not recommend using YES oil-based lubricant as it is not condom compatible.
You may prefer a silicone lubricant such as ID Velvet which is longer lasting but not compatible with silicone sex toys.
In addition to using a good sexual lubricant some people may find using a vaginal moisturiser really helps such as YESVM and SUTIL Luxe can also be used as a vaginal moisturiser too. You can apply both using our Lube Tube
Ingredients really matter when it comes to your intimate health and sexual pleasure so always check the label because the vast majority of lubricants contain at least one ingredient, if not more, including glycerin which can cause/exacerbate thrush, glycols, parabens, dyes, perfumes, glitter and alcohol.
For some, this is much more than vaginal dryness, they can experience vulval pain, dyspareunia and vaginal atrophy. Decreased oestrogen levels can also cause urinary symptoms such as dysuria, urgency, and frequency because we have oestrogen receptors in our bladder and urethra and rely upon them to keep our bladder healthy too.
They may benefit from using local oestrogen in addition to an irritant free lubricant and vaginal moisturiser whilst they are breastfeeding. So talk to your GP as a short course of local oestrogen may be really beneficial for your vagina and bladder health and sex life.
Talking about sex post childbirth and recommending using a good sexual lubricant needs to be part of midwifery training and antenatal care. Many already do recommend using lubricant, but not all. As you visit your midwife on numerous occasions, it would take a few minutes to have a chat about sex post childbirth, even if it is the last thing you are thinking about whilst pregnant!
It could be included in a discussion about contraception with your GP when you go for your 6-week check up too.
When it is being mentioned, often poor products are recommended, many of which cause irritation, thrush or were never designed for intimate use and sex play. I still hear about people being told to use KY, Vaseline, olive oil, Baby Oil or products never designed for intimate use. I know that coconut oil is a popular recommendation by some healthcare professionals.
However, you are using condoms for contraception any oil-based product including YES oil-based lubricant will destroy latex condoms, increasing your risk of getting pregnant even if you are breastfeeding.
If you are using condoms, be aware that some people think they’re allergic to the condom when it is the ingredients in the lubricant on the condom. Just because a condom brand says their lubricant is natural without listing the ingredients does not mean it is free from irritating ingredients, which is why you need to choose brands that list the ingredients on their packaging, do not just take their word that it is “natural”.
Getting the right fit is important for comfort and effective contraception as one size does not fit all.
If you’re not using condoms, YES oil-based lubricant is not only great for enjoying pleasurable sex, it’s ideal for massaging any scar tissue or episiotomy scars to help it become more flexible, heal faster and prevent vaginal tightness.
So if you are breastfeeding, use an irritant free lubricant and if you’re a midwife, doula, breastfeeding counsellor or GP, please recommend using a good sexual lubricant to your patients to help them get back to enjoying pleasurable sex in whatever way they wish to or are able to.
]]>According to NHS data, 31% of the UK population experience hay fever and take antihistamines, but many people take them for a wide variety of allergic conditions. Many are allergic to a range of allergens, the most common being pollen, animal dander, dust mites, insect stings, mould, food and latex.
Antihistamines are the most common treatment for seasonal allergies (especially during the spring and summer months) and are widely available over the counter. Not everyone who takes regular antihistamines experiences a problem, but many people are often taken by surprise when they begin to experience vaginal dryness. I’ve advised people who have no idea why they’re experiencing vaginal dryness, worrying unnecessarily because they didn’t realise it’s their medication!
When your body is exposed to allergens, it triggers an immune response which causes watery eyes, runny nose, itching, and sneezing. Antihistamines block the effects of histamines and are often paired with decongestants, which reduce swelling and make breathing through the nose easier. Both medications are designed to dry up mucosal secretions which greatly ease symptoms but can also affect your natural vaginal lubrication too.
There are two types of antihistamines. Traditional antihistamines can cause drowsiness, the newer antihistamines do not. Their side effects are different: in addition to drowsiness, traditional antihistamines can cause dry mouth, blurred visions, and difficulty emptying your bladder. Side effects of newer antihistamines include headache and dry mouth. Since both types of antihistamines dry up mucus membranes, it’s possible for either type to cause vaginal dryness.
Whenever I mention that antihistamines impact upon your vaginal lubrication the vast majority of people have no idea and having just looked at the leaflet in our box of OTC antihistamines there is no mention of vaginal lubrication, so no wonder people haven’t a clue! Wouldn’t it be great if this was included in the leaflet or at least mentioned by your GP or pharmacist!
You also need to be aware that the same can be said about cold and flu medication as they often contain a decongestant, but you generally only take these preparations for a few days and not long term or during hay fever season.
I occasionally take fexafenadine, a strong prescription antihistamine for my itchy menopausal skin (formication) which is caused by depleting oestrogen. Often people develop an allergy for the first time during perimenopause and menopause ( due to fluctuating hormones) or become allergic to products and foods they’ve always been able to use and eat so take antihistamines but have no idea they may be impacting upon their vaginal lubrication.
This is why using a good irritant free lube such as YES water based or YES oil based lubricants, SUTIL Luxe or SUTIL Rich or ID Velvet Millennium Silicone Lubricant can make a huge difference to your sexual health and pleasure. If you’re on long term antihistamines, using a good vaginal moisturiser can really alleviate any vaginal dryness or irritation too.
So if you’re a seasonal allergy sufferer or have to take antihistamines long term, don’t forget to use a good lube.
]]>Low or loss of libido is an issue many people can experience at any time or age but it is a common symptom during and post menopause. Taking hormone replacement therapy can help including testosterone so speak to your GP and take a look at our helpful resources listed below. Often getting the right hormonal combination and intimate health regime can really help in addition to looking at your lifestyle too.
However, low hormonal levels aren’t just the only reason your libido is low, there are many reasons why your libido may be missing in action.
Many of us lead busy lives, looking after children, caring for elderly parents and holding down a job so it’s no wonder we don’t feel in the mood for sex when we get into bed at the end of the day. Looking at your lifestyle, your intimate health, family/ friends and work commitments and your relationship may be the way to boost your libido.
Painful sex is not pleasurable sex and this impacts upon your libido and feeling aroused. If you think or know sex will feel painful you’re not going to feel aroused, want or enjoy it. Vaginal dryness is one of the more common reasons many people stop having sex or enjoy it. Yet vaginal dryness can be easily remedied by using good irritant free sexual lubricants such as YES water based , YES oil based and Sutil Luxe or Rich. Many people have no idea that the vast majority of sexual lubricants contain many irritating ingredients that do more harm than good, exacerbating vaginal irritation, dryness and even causing thrush. Using irritating lubricants can put a couple off from using a sexual lubricant when an irritant free lube can transform your sexual pleasure.
Be aware that just because a product is slippery doesn’t mean it has been designed for intimate use and sex play, bathroom and store cupboard ingredients also contain many irritating ingredients too!
Many people also wash their vulva with an intimate wash, bubble baths, shower gels or bath bombs, yet the vast majority of these intimate hygiene products contain irritating ingredients that cause soreness, inflammation, itching, thrush and can destroy our friendly bacteria that protect our vagina health. It is important to just wash with water or if you feel you need to use a product, try a gentle emollient.
Some people think using lubricant means they’re a failure, that they should become instantly lubricated the moment they’re touched but owning Jo Divine we know using a good lubricant transforms your sexual pleasure whatever your age or gender. Vaginal lubrication is impacted by our menstrual cycle, stress, anxiety, side effects of some medication such as antihistamines a dn antidepressants. You can feel really aroused but still experience vaginal dryness.
If you’re unsure how to incorporate a sexual lubricant into your sex life try popping lube on before you start any sex play, make it part of your sex play, you can put it on a sex toy to apply it, get your partner to gently and slowly massage it onto your clitoris and vulva, it’s such a great way to help you become aroused.
Once you’ve tried our irritant free lubes you won’t regret it, so many people tell us how they have transformed their sexual pleasure.
Whilst painful sex is frquently caused by a lack of lubrication you may be experiencing vagina atrophy, whereby the tissues of the vagina and vulva shrink, become less lubricated causing them to feel sore, less flexible, they may itch, burn, sting, the tissue can split and become inflamed. Some people can experience a watery discharge so assume they don’t have vaginal dryness but this is a symptom of vaginal atrophy. They may find they start to experience recurrent urinary tract infections, cystitis and thrush especially after any sex play too.
The vagina can also become tighter so using local oestrogen in combination with a good vaginal moisturiser and irritant free sexual lubricants can really help. Using a slim vibrator, dildo or dilators can help stretch the vagina to make penetrative sex feel more pleasurable. You could use a slim sex toy as part of your sex play or before any penetrative sex or if it feels too painful or uncomfortable explore other ways to enjoy sex beyond penetration such as oral sex, mutual masturbation, kissing and cuddling, using sex toys or enjoying a body massage.
Regular masturbation is so good for your physical and mental health and especially during and post menopause. When you masturbate it feels really good, it promotes the blood flow to the vagina and vulva, increasing your natural lubrication and boosting your arousal, it boosts your immunity, reduces stress, helps you sleep, eases pain, helps you to connect with a partner but you don’t need a partner to enjoy it, increases your chance of enjoying an orgasm during penetrative sex, it connects you with your own sexuality, it boosts your libido, it’s safe so no risk of getting a sexual transmitted infection or pregnant, it’s free, hassle free, pleasurable and lots of fun!
It’s a great way to kick start your libido and your sexual arousal in addition to being something you can enjoy with a partner. The more you masturbate, the more it will feel pleasurable and you’ll want to keep doing it, which in turn, can help to boost your libido.
Why not treat yourself to a simple bullet vibe or sonic wave toy, spend time “ relaxing” in the bath or shower, or indulge in some “me time” in bed. Bullet vibes are so much fun to play with whatever your gender because they can be used on a clitoris, nipples, a penis or testicles. Sex toys aren’t just for those with a vulva and vagina, there are some amazing products for people with a penis and prostate so why not share the fun together.
Getting a good night’s sleep is essential to boost our health and wellbeing, allowing our bodies the chance to replace and repair cells, to keep us healthy yet we know lack of sleep can really impact upon our health and sex life.
Night time sweats can wake you up, making it uncomfortable to go back to sleep, itchy skin, restless legs and vulva, vagina and bladder irritation can all affect our sleep. Research published in January 2017 in Menopause, the journal of the North American Menopause Society (NAMS) found that disturbed sleep also impacted upon levels of sexual satisfaction too. HRT, local oestrogen and a good vaginal moisturiser can really help in addition to wearing thinner night attire, sleeping under a sheet and keeping a glass of water on the bedside cupboard can help. Enjoying an orgasm at bedtime can help you drift off or if you wake up and is more fun than popping a pil!
Many people don’t realise that their medication may be impacting upon their libido, sexual lubrication and ability to become aroused or feel desire. Some drugs interfere with the production of hormones or the transmission of certain chemical messengers in the brain, impacting upon the way you feel and causing low libido. Other medication can affect blood flow, causing problems with erectile function and ability to orgasm.
Research has found that people with depression, schizophrenia and hypertension often discontinue taking their medication due to sex related side effects which can have a huge impact upon controlling their condition and their health. Changing to another drug may reduce or even prevent sexual dysfunction side effects.
Antihistamines are well known for drying up mucosal secretions and this includes your vaginal lubrication so using a good lube can really help.
Never stop your medication without speaking to your GP because they may be able to offer you an alternative with fewer sexual side effects.
Boring sex leads to low libido and often in long term relationships people simply go off sex because it no longer works for them.
Often partners with a penis and prostate experience erectile issues in midlife which not only impacts upon their sexual function and abillity to get or maintain an erection , it can also affect your sexual desire and arosual.
Explore new ways to spice it up by using good lubes and sex toys, talking to your partner, rethinking the way you enjoy sex, it doesn’t have to be a huge performance, sex is so much more than penetration if that’s the way in which you only have sex, quickie sex play ( you’ll need the lube for this) indulging in hotel room or spending the afternoon in bed is so much fun, giving each other a gorgeous orgasm, enjoying kissing and cuddling just like you did at the start of your relationship. Is there a sexual fantasy that you’d love to try or just talk about? Often couples discover they share similar fantasies,some they may like to experience and others that just remain a fantasy but are so much fun to talk about and can help increase your desire and sexual arousal. Don’t let boredom prevent you for enjoying great sex.
We know many people are enjoying better orgasms or even their first orgasm after buying their first sex toy during and post menopause because sex toys offer such different and wide ranging sexual stimulation you cannot experience from mutual or manual masturbation and lots of fun too.
Even if you still feel timid about buying a sex toy, why not try a simple bullet vibrator, or one of our gorgoeus pebble shaped toys, they don’t even look like a sex toy!
Are you no longer attracted to your partner? Are you struggling with your changing body and no longer love yourself? Do you find sex a chore? Do you find it hard to switch off your head chatter?. Do you or your partner experience sexual health issues that prevent you from enjoying sex?
These all impact upon your libido so talk to your partner, you’ll find they love you just the way you are. If you want to lose weight and get fitter, why not join forces with your partner or friends and family to keep you motivated and for encouragement.
If your partner is experiencing “erectile issues:blogs/sexual-health/preventing-erectile-dysfunction they need to seek medical advice as there may be a more serious underlying cause including diabetes, heart disease and prostate health issues.
More commonly it may be due to their lifestyle including stress, anxiety, lack of exercise, being overweight, not eating healthily, smoking and drinking in excess or side effects to medication.
Many of the above lifestyle factors can also impact upon your libido so if you smoke, try to cut down or quit, if you drink regularly moderate your consumption, make a few healthy changes to your diet and take regular exercise too.
Rethink the way you have sex, plan a date night, spend time together, go for a walk, enjoy dinner or a movie, trying something new together. If you feel your relationship has changed, couples counselling and psychosexual therapy can help.
Not to pleasurable sex but to all those committments we cannot say no to! Look at your workload, is it possible to reduce your hours, delegate to other colleagues, reduce your stress, change your working hours so they work for you?
Are you running around after your children driving them to after school activities now the world is slowly opening up, are you caring for elderly parents, are you still doing the lions share of the house work?
Take a deep breath and ask for help. If they don’t already do so, talk to your partner, family and friends about sharing responsibilities, seek outside help if you are able to afford it, involve your children in the housework, give them little chores, make your older children responsible for their own life, ask your partner to share the household and family, you don’t have to do it all! Make time for yourself and for your relationship.
By making simple changes to your physical and mental health you will hopefully find your libido returning. You don’t have to go all guns blazing in the bedroom, these practical steps can help you get back into enjoying great sex and maybe even more pleasurable sex when you discover the joys of using good lubes and sex toys too.
It’s about finding what works for you, from using HRT, testosterone, a good lube , vaginal moisturiser, investing in a simple sex toy, taking time out for yourself, stop saying yes to everything and talk to your partner. It might be all of the above, it may just be one but you won’t know until you try!
Your libido is just waiting to be found!
Dr Louise Newson
Newson Health
The Menopause Charity
Dr Hannah Short
The Daisy Network – charity for premature ovarian insufficiency
British Menopause Society
Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology
Menopause Support
Menopause Support for LGBTQIA
Trekstock
IAPMD
Mpowered Women
Latte Lounge
College of Sex and Relationship Therapists :https://www.cosrt.org.uk/
Womb Cancer Support: www.wombcancersupportuk.weebly.com
Eve Appeal: www.eveappeal.org.uk
Shine Cancer: www.shinecancersupport.org
Clic Sargeant: www.clicsargent.org.uk
Macmillan: www.macmillan.org.uk
GRACE (Gynae-Oncology Clinical Research and Excellence): www.grace-charity.org.uk
Pelvic Roar
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy
I’m so proud to have been part of Davina McCall Sex, Myths and the Menopause programme on Channel 4.
We chatted about sex, sex toys, orgasms, why ingredients matter and a goat was mentioned at some point! It was just brilliant and Davina was so funny. We both want to dispel the myth that your sex life will stop or it just will not feel as good during and post menopause.
For many, sex can be even better because they finally discover what works for them and for anyone who finds sex less than satisfying or just avoids it, we have plenty of practical help, advice and great sex toys, lubricants and vaginal moisturisers to help you enjoy pleasurable sex in whatever you want to or are able to.
If you’re happy that you no longer have to have sex, that’s fine, I am here to help those who like sex and want to continue enjoying it.
People really care about what they eat, use on their skin, body and hair yet no thought to what they use inside their vagina or on their vulva despite it being the most sensitive and absorbent part of your body!
Good intimate health goes hand in hand with our sexual pleasure, especially during and post menopause because the depleting oestrogen impacts upon our vagina and bladder health leading to vaginal dryness, atrophy, irritation, soreness, painful sex and recurrent infections which include thrush and bacterial vaginosis, urinary tract infections or cystitis.
Yet intimate health issues are rarely discussed because people are too embarrassed to even use the word vagina and vulva, seek medical advice or assume it is all part of menopause and there is nothing they can do. Many who do experience sexual issues buy feminine hygiene products, vaginal moisturisers, washes, douches, creams, lotions and potions to try to ease symptoms yet the vast majority of these products are all manufactured with irritating ingredients that do more harm than good, exacerbate or are ineffective in easing symptoms. Often people reach for completely unsuitable products in their kitchen or bathroom cupboards never created for intimate use. Just because it’s slippery doesn’t mean you can use it for sex or as a moisturiser!
Well known brands and high street retailers have jumped on this bandwagon targeting the menopause community because they know people are too embarrassed to talk to their GP about that intimate itch, vulval soreness or unpleasant discharge yet many products cause, exacerbate or even mask your symptoms.
Thrush, often problematic in menopause due to the depleting oestrogen is the third most googled term because it is a huge issue for millions of vagina and vulva owners (glycerin in so many intimate products causes thrush!). It is too easy to buy treatment over the counter to treat what you may think is thrush but could be a different infection that requires antibiotics such as bacterial vaginosis ( which has a fishy smelling discharge) or a genital skin issue such as Lichens Sclerosus (LS), an issue that can occur at any time but often in midlife which is managed with topical steroids, using thrush treatments will only exacerbate LS, not help it.
Being passionate about intimate health, including what you use inside your vagina and on your vulva, I know finding the right regime for your intimate health can transform your sexual pleasure.
If you experience vaginal dryness, tightness, shrinking, soreness, itching, recurrent infections talk to your GP who can examine you, make the correct diagnosis, prescribe the right treatment be that local oestrogen ( more below), antifungal thrush treatment, antibiotics for bacterial vaginosis or topical steroids for genital skin conditions.
Ditch any washes, bubble bath, shower gels, bath bombs and other intimate hygiene products, just wash with water. If you do feel the need to wash with a product, ask your GP to prescribe a gentle emollient.
Using a sexual lubricant isn’t just for fixing vaginal dryness, it can transform your sexual pleasure and prolong your sex play whatever your age, especially when you find a good one.
Often people with a vagina and their partners don’t think they should need to use a lube, they should be instantly wet when touched yet our natural lubrication can be affected whatever our age which is why lube is for anyone of any age. Many people are put off using lubes because they have experienced irritation or an infection caused by the ingredients, and assume all lubes are the same.
I get frustrated when people say they use the cheapest brand available or their GP or healthcare professional has recommended it, especially those going through menopause or post cancer treatment! So many people check the ingredients and spend plenty of money on their skin care regime and haircare products yet no thought to what they’re using on their vulva or inside their vagina, the most highly sensitive and absorbent part of their body.
The vast majority of sexual lubricants contain irritating ingredients including glycerin which can cause thrush, especially for those who are prone to it, and it is a common issue during and post menopause. Propylene glycol is a well-known irritant, not just for vulvas and vaginas, but on penises and inside anuses too. This is often what causes the stinging when people first use a lube. Parabens are preservatives used in so many products including those designed for intimate use, yet they are hormone disruptors so are best to avoid. Alcohol is very drying to the skin and even more so to the delicate tissues of our vagina and vulva. Dyes, perfumes and glitter are often included, none of which are beneficial to your vagina or vulva health. Many brands use different ingredient descriptions to conceal what their product contains, so you have no idea what is in it. My view is if you don’t know what an ingredient is, don’t buy it or use it.
The same goes for lubricated condoms, often people think they have a condom allergy, but they are actually allergic to the lubricant ingredients or the ingredients in the lube they’re using with the condom (important advice about condom use below). Irritation can occur if the condom isn’t the right fit too.
Just because a product is slippery doesn’t mean it’s suitable for sex, but we frequently hear about kitchen and bathroom cupboard products being used despite having never been designed for sexual use, many contain irritating ingredients and can cause infections, some will also damage sex toys and condoms too. Stick to eating your vegetable oils and just use your face, body, and hand creams for the body parts they were designed for!
Water-based lubricants are the closest to your own natural lubrication, they are easy to wash off, can be used for any sexual activity, used with any sex toy material including silicone toys and are condom compatible. Our lubricants are pH balanced, don’t leave any residue and can be reactivated during sex play with a little water if they begin to dry out
“Wish I had discovered Sutil Luxe years ago… really nice and will definitely buy again. It was so good, both me and my husband overslept this morning!”
SUTIL LUXE is a silky smooth water-based lubricant that moisturises, nourishes and soothes our most intimate areas, as well as lubricating for sexual pleasure. Feeling like a silicone lubricant without the silicone, this fabulous water-based lubricant gently cushions and glides, blending seamlessly with your own natural lubrication during sex. Being water-based it is easy to wash off too.
Free from irritating ingredients and hormone free it is perfect for anyone, including those not able to have hormone replacement therapy and post cancer treatment, not only as a sexual lubricant but also as a vaginal moisturiser and can be used with any sex toy or dilator.
Made with eco certified ingredients, SUTIL is committed to creating natural and organic cosmetics that are not only great for your skin, but also derived from renewable resources and manufactured using environmentally friendly processes. Even the sleek tube is biodegradable.
We also sell YES water-based lubricant because it is organic, free from irritating ingredients, easy to wash off, safe to use for all sexual activities, pH balanced to that of the vagina flora, free from any smell, taste, colour and are non-staining.
Water-based lubricants can also be used during anal play. SUTIL Rich”:products/sutil-rich is perfect for anal play as it is thicker and longer lasting because it feels like a silicone lubricant.
Oil-based lubricant is longer lasting but are not suitable for use with latex condoms. Don’t use oil-based products that have never been designed for sexual use as they will destroy condoms and your vagina and anal health.
Keep vegetable oils for your salad, baby oil for your body and petroleum jelly for your lips! If you’re prone to thrush, just use coconut oil in your cooking or on your skin.
YES Oil Based Lubricant is plant-based, free from any irritating ingredients, has a much thicker consistency, suitable for water play, great for anal play, highly moisturising to the skin and can be used with water-based lubricant to create a Double Glide effect. It can also be used to protect the delicate tissue of the vulva if you experience dryness, soreness or feel uncomfortable and is great to use when swimming in chlorinated or seawater which many cause irritation.
If you want a longer lasting lube that is condom compatible, SUTIL Rich is ideal. Designed with a pH suitable for both anal and vaginal use, the new “Rich” formulation has enhanced viscosity to ease anal penetration and soothe dry, delicate tissues.
SUTIL Rich contains small amounts of Horny Goat Weed — a herbal aphrodisiac — that is added, along with Siberian Ginseng and Jujube nut. Traditionally these herbs are used to increase strength, energy, stamina and vitality, but they also help to boost immune functions and have natural antibiotic and antiseptic properties to fight infection. Horny Goat Weed is also a vasodilator, which promotes blood flow and increases natural lubrication.
Depending on your sensitivity, you may feel a warm, slightly tingly sensation when using SUTIL Rich and if you are new to SUTIL we would recommend trying SUTIL Luxe first (or trying both – we have 10ml testers of both available).
Do you have a daily skin care regime? Moisturise your body after a bath or shower? Really care about what you eat? Spend lots of money on your face creams? Then include your intimate health too.
The tissues of your vulva and vagina age like the rest of your body and need TLC to keep them happy and healthy, so you can keep enjoying great sex. As we age the depleting oestrogen in the tissues of the vulva and vagina can make them feel less well lubricated and dry, they can shrink leading to vaginal tightness, making sex play, smear tests and pelvic examinations uncomfortable or painful. They can become irritated, itchy, sore, and you may experience infections such as thrush and bacterial vaginosis.
Trans men and non-binary people who use testosterone can really benefit from using a good hormone free vagina moisturiser to ease any vaginal symptoms. I’ve included Queer Menopause below, an excellent resource for LGBTQIA+ and Menopause.
So, what should you use to moisturise your vulva and vagina? Ingredients matter when it comes to your intimate health, you need to avoid irritating ingredients widely used in some very well known vaginal moisturisers, even on prescription and high street own brands which include glycerin, glycols, parabens, perfumes, dyes, alcohol and petroleum jelly.
I personally have a regime for my vagina and vulva that I recommend to those I advise which includes using YESVM x 2 weekly, local eostrogen x 3 weekly, Sutil Luxe or Rich or YES oil based lube for any sex play, I only wash this area with water, I never use shower gels, bath bombs, intimate washes, wipes or sprays.
If you spend £££ on your skin care or body care regime, think about the products you buy and use for intimate health and sex play. Grabbing the cheapest product from the shelf or taking that celebrity /influencer recommendation may leave you with irritation or even an infection. If your GP prescribes or recommends a vaginal moisturiser, ask them what the ingredients are, just because it’s on prescription doesn’t always mean it’s good for your intimate health!
Become an ingredients detective, check the label and moisturise your vulva and vagina for good intimate health and pleasurable sex.
Using local oestrogen can be a game changer when it comes to enjoying pleasurable sex and preventing genitourinary issues. Many people only start using local oestrogen when they have issues, yet it can prevent many issues from happening. Local oestrogen which comes in pessaries, cream and ring pessaries is absorbed in the vagina, vulva and bladder replacing the depleting oestrogen to keep the tissues flexible, promote lubrication and prevent infections and irritation. The vast majority of people with a vulva and vagina can use local oestrogen, so speak to your GP or a menopause expert. Some people choose not to use it, others don’t know what it is, and some people may not be able to use it. For clinical evidenced based information, take a look at the NICE Menopause guidelines and the excellent menopause medical and healthcare professionals and resources listed below.
I personally use pessaries that I pop inside my vagina x 3 weekly and I have to say it has transformed my vagina and bladder health in addition to making sex feel even more pleasurable.
Low or loss of libido is a common issue many people experience during and post menopause yet there are many reasons why your libido may be missing in action. Taking hormone replacement therapy can help, including testosterone so speak to your GP and take a look at the useful resources below.
Partners with a vulva and vagina may be experiencing a completely different range of symptoms to you, which may be affecting their libido, so make sure you both seek medical advice.
People with a penis also struggle with low libido for a variety of reasons, and this can impact upon your libido if your partner is reluctant to have sex or is unable to get or maintain an erection.
Low hormonal levels aren’t just the only reason your libido is low, many of us lead busy lives, looking after children, caring for elderly parents and holding down a job, no wonder we don’t feel like sex when we drop into bed at the end of the day.
Are you struggling with vaginal dryness, painful sex or recurrent infections? As mentioned above, use a good vaginal moisturiser and a good sexual lubricant to ease vaginal dryness, try popping lube on before you start any sex play, make it part of your sex play, you can put it on a sex toy to apply it, get your partner to gently and slowly massage it onto your clitoris and vulva, such a great way to help you become aroused.
Is sex painful? It may be caused by a lack of lubrication or you may be experiencing vagina atrophy, whereby the tissues of the vagina and vulva shrink, become less lubricated causing them to feel sore, less flexible, they may itch, burn, sting, the tissue can split and become inflamed. Some people can experience a watery discharge so assume they don’t have vaginal dryness, but this is a symptom of vaginal atrophy.The vagina can also become tighter so using local oestrogen with a good vaginal moisturiser and sexual lubricants can really help. Using a slim vibrator, dildo or dilators can help stretch the vagina to make penetrative sex feel more pleasurable if that is how you enjoy sex. Explore other ways to enjoy sex beyond penetration if it feels too painful or uncomfortable.
Are you sleep-deprived? Getting a good night’s sleep is essential to boost our health and wellbeing, allowing our bodies the chance to replace and repair cells, to keep us healthy. Sleep disturbance is a common symptom for women during the menopause and beyond, which in turn, may lead to heart disease, high blood pressure and depression. Night sweats can make it difficult and uncomfortable to sleep. Research published in January 2017 in Menopause, the journal of the North American Menopause Society (NAMS) found that disturbed sleep also impacted upon levels of sexual satisfaction too. HRT can really help in addition to wearing thinner night attire, sleeping under a sheet and keeping a glass of water on the bedside cupboard can help. Also, avoid snoozing during the day to help you sleep longer at night.
It may be the sex has just become boring so look at ways in which you can spice it up by using good lubes and sex toys, talking to your partner, rethinking the way you enjoy sex, it doesn’t have to be a huge performance, sex is so much more than penetration if that’s the way in which you only have sex, quickie sex play ( you’ll need the lube for this) indulging in hotel room or spending the afternoon in bed is so much fun, giving each other a gorgeous orgasm, enjoying kissing and cuddling just like you did at the start of your relationship. Don’t let boredom prevent you for enjoying great sex.
Has your relationship changed? Are you no longer attracted to your partner? Are you struggling with your changing body and no longer love yourself? Do you find sex a chore? These all impact upon your libido so talk to your partner, you’ll find they love you just the way you are. If you want to lose weight and get fitter, why not join forces with your partner or friends and family to keep you motivated and for encouragement. Rethink the way you have sex, plan a date night, spend time together, go for a walk, enjoy dinner or a film, trying something new together. If you feel your relationship has changed couples counselling and psychosexual therapy can help.
When you think of sexual satisfaction, you probably think that it involves being in a relationship: but not every aspect of your sex life requires a partner. A study found that 60% of people with a clitoris and vagina masturbate, but it still remains a taboo subject. Strict, cultural and religious upbringing and limited sex education all play a part in people believing that masturbation is dirty.
Yet masturbation is so good for your health and especially during menopause because it promotes the blood flow to the vagina and vulva and increases your natural lubrication. It boosts your immunity, reduces stress, helps you sleep, eases pain, helps you to connect with a partner, increase your chance of enjoying an orgasm during penetrative sex, it connects you with your own sexuality, it’s safe so no risk of getting a sexual transmitted infection or pregnant, it’s free, hassle-free, pleasurable and lots of fun!
Masturbation is so good for your physical and mental wellbeing many healthcare professionals would prescribed sex and masturbation if they could, including those we work with at Jo Divine!
I cannot imagine my life without orgasms, they feel amazing! In fact, the older I’ve grown, the better my orgasms have become as I’ve discovered my elusive G-spot (with a sex toy) and now I know where it is, I know exactly how to stimulate it and so does my husband!
Some people may find their orgasms feel less powerful or they struggle to have one, but for many, they enjoy even better orgasms as they go through menopause and beyond. If you experience less than satisfactory orgasms or find they just disappear, invest in a skin safe sex toy, such as a clitoral stimulator, rabbit vibe The LELO Sona 2 , a sonic wave toy, is the “game changer” we chatted about in the programme.
If you fake your orgasm, stop, you’re not doing yourself or your partner any favours!
Orgasms offer so many health benefits, and they’re free! From helping you to drift off to sleep, often a problem during menopause, to helping you look younger, relieving pain, reducing stress, promoting lubrication, boosting immunity, exercising your pelvic floor muscles and even helping you live longer, they also feel so pleasurable too.
Even if you find yourself unable to have an orgasm, the journey can feel just as pleasurable.
Did you know almost half the population own a sex toy? Do you? I believe everyone should own a sex toy especially if they’re menopausal. Sex toy design has moved on since the Rampant Rabbit (made from jelly material) with the creation of innovatively and cleverly designed products with powerful motors, creative technology and skin safe materials. No one should use a jelly, latex or rubber toy.
From simple bullet vibrators to classic toys, rabbit vibrators with dual motors, anal toys and air pulse clitoral stimulators, there is such a wide range to choose for. Some of our sex toys are great for helping menopausal symptoms such as vaginal tightness, painful sex, decreased sexual sensation and to enjoy for non-penetrative sex. Many toys are gender-neutral and some don’t even look like a sex toy, I often advise people that you can use a bullet vibe on your clitoris, a partner’s clitoris or penis, on their perineum and testicles and nipples too, so versatile.
Playing with a sex toy is a great way to get warmed up, to boost your arousal or add into your sex play. We also have sex toys for people, with a penis and prostate too. Constriction rings are great to help maintain an erection whilst stimulating the clitoris so pleasure for you both.
Sex is so much more than penetration, many people enjoy sex in so many different ways, being creative and innovative with discovering different sexual sensations. You migh find you love to be spanked or be the spanker, you enjoy tapping into your dominant side or love giving and receiving oral sex, nothing is off the cards when it comes to expanding your sexual repetoire to discover what turns you on.
Our sex toys are so good they’re recommended by many healthcare professionals working in the NHS and private practice!
Over time our pelvic floor muscles can become weaker, so exercising your pelvic floor muscles correctly not only promotes continence but can also create stronger orgasms too. Pelvic floor muscles can also become tight (hypertonic) which can make any penetration feel uncomfortable or painful, so you need to learn how to relax these muscles. If you are unsure about technique or think you have an issue, seek advice from a pelvic health physiotherapist, the experts in pelvic health who can assess your pelvic floor muscles and will teach you how to do the exercises.
Pelvic floor exercises not only benefit those with a vagina, but also people with a penis to promote stronger erections too.
When people tell us they’re in a new relationship or dating again, which is great, we ask if they’re using condoms. Many just laugh, say I can’t get pregnant any more, I’m menopausal or post menopausal and think we’re joking when we mention the need to use a condom! The same goes for dental dams too. Sexually transmitted infections don’t know your age or discriminate between whom they infect.
For some it is the first new sexual partner that they have had since their partner passed away, they’re divorced or separated, and they didn’t need to use condoms with them. Yet, the walls of the vagina become thinner and less well lubricated during menopause and post menopause due to the depleting oestrogen levels, which can make them feel sore and dry. This can lead to tiny abrasions and inflammation during any form of vaginal penetration, increasing your risk of getting an STI. It’s important to ask partners to wear a condom or use a dental dam (you can cut up a condom) and recognise the symptoms of an STI because urinary tract infections and genital skin changes, both very common during menopause, can be misdiagnosed and may be an STI.
If you are sharing sex toys, pop a condom on the toy to prevent transmission of an STI.
This is so important because many couples slowly grow apart and give up on sex during menopause because they don’t understand what is happening and cannot talk to each other. Partners often think you no longer love them or find them attractive, or cannot understand why you no longer want or enjoy sex. Talk to your partner, explain that sex feel painful or uncomfortable (always stop if you feel any pain, painful sex is not pleasurable sex) you’re worried about getting yet another infection or irritation, your libido has gone AWOL, you constantly feel tired because your sleep is disturbed, or you’re simply struggling with your physical or mental wellbeing.
If you continue to have relationships issues, talking to a psychosexual therapist or relationship therapist may help.
Now you’re armed with these practical tips, advice and product recommendations, there’s no need to give up on your sex life, especially if you enjoy sex. After all, sex is meant to be noisy, messy, embarrassing, consensual, pleasurable and most of all fun, whatever your gender or sexual orientation.
Having found an intimate regime and fabulous products that work for me, I plan to continue enjoying great sex, just like our 95-year-old customers at Jo Divine, and so can you!
We work with many of these amazing people, charities and support groups.
Dr Louise Newson
Newson Health
The Menopause Charity
Dr Hannah Short
The Daisy Network – charity for premature ovarian insufficiency
British Menopause Society
Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology
Menopause Support
Menopause Support for LGBTQIA
Trekstock
IAPMD
Mpowered Women
Latte Lounge
College of Sex and Relationship Therapists :https://www.cosrt.org.uk/
Womb Cancer Support: www.wombcancersupportuk.weebly.com
Eve Appeal: www.eveappeal.org.uk
Shine Cancer: www.shinecancersupport.org
Clic Sargeant: www.clicsargent.org.uk
Macmillan: www.macmillan.org.uk
GRACE (Gynae-Oncology Clinical Research and Excellence): www.grace-charity.org.uk
Pelvic Roar
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy
We help many people regain their sexual function and enjoy good sexual health, intimacy and pleasure who experience sexual health issues following cancer treatment, living with cancer, post childbirth, post hysterectomy, menopausal symptoms, genital skin conditions, vaginismus, vulvodynia or simply the ageing process.
Our advice includes using a good vaginal moisturiser, good sexual lubricants which are free from any irritating ingredients, suitable sex toys and our silky smooth silicone dilator kit, all of which can help people regain their sexual function and enjoy pleasurable sex in whatever way they want to or are able to.
Creating an intimacy bag is such a good idea to keep all your essential products together. People often feel that having to use medical dilators and a wide range of creams, moisturisers, lubricants, topical treatment and plastic dilators just to manage their vagina and vulva health condition or issue can feel really clinical and not the least bit sexual.
Popping them into a pretty drawstring bag, wash bag or large make up bag can help them feel more intimate and less clinical. The fabulous Dr Liz O’Riordan refers to having a bag of tricks in her excellent book about Breast Cancer.
So what could you include in your intimacy bag?
We know that using a good pH balanced sexual lubricant can transform your sexual pleasure, and we recommend SUTIL and YES lubricants. Being passionate about your intimate health and sexual pleasure we always advise people to avoid any products that contain glycerin, glycols, parabens, dyes, perfumes and glitter. Flavoured lubricants are great for oral sex, but we do not recommend them for any form of penetrative sex. If using products that have a warming or cooling effect proceed with caution as many can cause irritation, stinging or burning which is why we do not recommend them.
As with any intimate products, if it stings, burns, irritates or causes itching, wash off and put it in the bin.
SUTIL Luxe feels like no other lubricant I have ever tried, it is a water-based lubricant that feels like a silicone lubricant and also doubles up as a vaginal moisturiser. It is long-lasting, so doesn’t need reapplying like many water-based lubricants and a little goes a long way. It interacts with your own natural lubrication, making you feel really well lubricated, prolonging and increasing your sexual pleasure.
YES comes in a water based formulation and an oil based formulation which can be used together to create a double glide effect. Some people like the water based formulation as it is closest to your own natural lubrication, other people love the oil based formulation which is longer lasting and really nourishing to the tissues of the vulva, vagina and penis. Just remember any oil based product will destroy latex condoms.
Just as you moisturiser your face and body, you need to moisturise your vulva and vagina. It is important to use a good pH balanced vaginal moisturiser free from all the ingredients mentioned above. Please be aware that there are some products on prescription that do contain some of those ingredients so check with your GP what the ingredients are before they prescribe it.
SUTIL Luxe and YESVM are excellent vaginal moisturisers.
Vaginal dilators are a great way to help gently stretch the vagina. Traditionally, medical dilators are used to treat the above conditions but can be made from hard plastic which may feel uncomfortable against the delicate skin of the vaginal area.
Some people prefer to use medical dilators to treat their condition rather than a vibrator which they consider to be sexual. However, some prefer to use a vibrator which feels less clinical and more fun. Many people want to feel sexual again after undergoing months, if not years of medical treatment and surgical intervention, and for them, using a vibrator is a fun way to enjoy sexual pleasure and intimacy alone or with a partner.
Both medical dilators and vibrators can be used in conjunction with each other as they offer different experiences for many people. Medical dilators can help to stretch the tight tissues of the vagina whilst a vibrator can promote blood flow to the healing tissues and feel pleasurable too, especially on the clitoris.
The Inspire Dilator Kit offers 5 graduated dilators made from velvety soft silicone which are extremely flexible, unlike hard medical dilators and very gentle on the delicate skin of the vulva and vagina. The easy-to-use loop handle makes them comfortable to hold, and the gentle tapered shape and varied sizes allows you to increase the insertion size at a rate that is comfortable to you.
You may wish to use your dilators with a sex toy or use a sex toy as an alternative to dilators. You can find our slim sex toys and the Inspire Dilator kit s in our health brochure we created in the NHS which is given out by many healthcare professionals. It contains:
If you’d prefer a non vibrating toy, our dildos come in a range of slim designs including Real Rock Ultra 15, a more realistic dildo or SportsSheets Skyn, Please and Flare.
Bullet vibrators are such a great way to regain your sexual confidence, so small in design and simple to use on your own or with a partner. Great for solo pleasure or use on a partner with a clitoris and penis and on nipples as that first step back into enjoying intimacy and pleasure.
Pebble vibrators are so pretty and no one will even know what it is!
Air pulse toys have changed clitoral stimulation for the better. They are not vibrators but use air pulse technology to gently tease and caress the clitoris, such a great way to get warmed up. LELO Sona 2 is so easy to hold and use, being waterproof you can even use it in the bath or shower. Curvy 1 Plus App combines air pulse tech with vibrations offering a completely different sexual sensation and is app controlled, so why not let your partner take control of your pleasure?
You may even want to slip an extra toy in your bag for a partner with a penis, vagina or clitoris, for anal play or just to share.
Your intimacy bag can be your fun bag, your way to regaining your sexual function and enjoying sexual intimacy and pleasure in whatever way you wish or are able to.
]]>According to the Cleveland Clinic latex allergies affect around 1 % of the population so are extremely rare, but they can still happen.
However, many people think they are allergic to latex condoms after experiencing irritation, painful sex or even a vaginal infection after using one during sex play so switch to latex free condoms, often more expensive than latex condoms. This is a conversation we often have.
Many condoms are not very well lubricated so cause friction leading to irritation and soreness, people use lubricants which contain irritating ingredients with their condoms, and it is often the ingredients in the lubricant/spermicide on the condom that causes irritation, stinging or even thrush.
One of the problems is that many vagina and vulva owners, in particular, experience a wide range of vulva/vaginal health issues due to the delicate pH of the vulva and vagina which can be disrupted by feminine hygiene products, sexual lubricants and vaginal moisturisers, dyes in underwear and many medical issues such as vaginal atrophy, vulvodynia, lichens sclerosus, genital eczema, to name just a few.
You can check the lubricant ingredients on the box but be aware that some condom manufacturers, including well known brands, do not include the lubricant ingredients on their packaging even when they have space. So it is worth exploring different brands such as SKINS which use a silicone lubricant if you experience any irritation.
Perfumed condoms, including vegan ones have hit our high street shelves and online, and it is advisable to avoid these brands if you experience any vaginal, vulval or anal irritation. No one needs a perfumed condom. Flavoured condoms are great for oral sex, but I never recommend them for vaginal penetration. It is frustrating when I see perfumed condoms, intimate washes and wipes, lubes and vaginal moisturisers full of irritating ingredients in goody bags at women’s health and medical events where we are talking about vagina/vulva/anal health.
According to the Mayo Clinic these include:
If your latex allergy is more severe, you may experience these symptoms:
Timing of any reaction is key according to Dr Schaffir at the Mayo Clinic. He explains that “If you consistently have a reaction following sex with latex condoms – usually within a day and lasting one to four days – and the symptoms are not present otherwise or after sex without the latex condom, then an allergy should be suspected”.
There also seems to be a link between having a latex allergy and certain foods including avocados, chestnuts, kiwis and bananas because they contain similar proteins to the ones found in natural latex.
I spoke to a breast cancer consultant who said one of his patients had an allergic reaction to a sexual lubricant available on prescription because it contained an extract of kiwi which she was allergic to so even if a sexual lubricant is considered natural, it is important to check the ingredients if you know you have an allergy to any of the food mentioned above.
This is why checking ingredients of any intimate product is essential, do a skin test on your inner forearm and on your labia before use, to rule out any allergic reaction or irritation.
For the vast majority of people latex condoms do not present a problem but if you have noticed irritation, itching or soreness, check the lubricant ingredients on the condom, the lubricant ingredients in the brand you are using with the condom or try using your own skin safe lubricant with your condom. It is also worth trying different condom brands because you may find that one lubricated with silicone lubricant does not cause irritation or prefer to use non lubricated condoms with your own water based or silicone lubricant. SUTIL Luxe offers the best of both worlds as it is water based but feels like a silicone lubricant. Getting the right fit is important for comfort and compliance too.
Just because a condom brand says their lubricant is natural without listing the ingredients does not mean it is free from irritating ingredients which is why you need to choose brands that list the ingredients on their packaging, do not just take their word that it is “natural”.
]]>Sex can feel amazing and bring us closer to our partners, but did you know that sex can also be beneficial to our health and wellbeing?
Yes, orgasms feel good, but the O you should be focusing on is oxytocin. Oxytocin is the feel-good hormone produced in the brain that creates a general sense of wellbeing and happiness. While oxytocin levels can be increased through sex and orgasms, simply cuddling up with your partner can do the job too.
Oxytocin is also known as the love hormone as it helps people to bond, build trust and deepen intimacy between two people. Recent research in the US has indicated that the release of oxytocin after sex can last for 48 hours, a period of time they have referred to as an “afterglow”. The participants who reported a strong sexual afterglow, as in they felt strong sexual satisfaction two days later, also reported higher levels of relationship satisfaction months later. Researchers have stressed that the participants in the study were in the mid-twenties and were typically heterosexual, so this afterglow effect may differ for gay and older people.
High oxytocin levels means a high outlook on life, leading to a better sense of self-esteem. This, in turn, is going to increase your libido as when we feel good about our bodies, we’re more likely to want to show them off.
We are constantly hounded with articles shouting about the latest cream or intimate hygiene product to rejuvenate our vaginas and vulvas, but you’d save a lot of money if you simply had regular sex instead.
Sex increases vaginal lubrication, blood flow to the genital area and even vaginal elasticity. It can also boost your libido, so you’ll be wanting sex more often, meaning your vaginal health will be maintained in a happy cycle. A healthy vagina is a happy vagina!
Regular satisfying sex and orgasms can also help you sleep especially during the menopause when getting a good nights sleep can be a problem.
Even if you are not in a relationship, enjoying regular orgasms and using a sex toy can still keep your sexual health in shape whatever your age or gender.
When we feel lethargic or are generally down about things, it’s more than tempting to bury our heads in the pillows and try to ignore the world, but actively waking up earlier for a morning romp can put you in a good mood for the rest of the day.
This is because sex can increase the production of serotonin, a natural mood stabiliser linked to our happiness levels. What’s more, that fantastic “I’ve just had sex!” feeling will last with you all day, so that’s definitely something to smile about!
Sex also burns calories, with around half an hour of sex burning roughly 85 calories. So if you’re normally a morning gym bunny, then you can sneak in a little warm up before your daily workout.
Good sex puts us in a better mood, lowering our stress levels, which in turn does wonders for our blood pressure. A Scottish study (2006) found that, over a fortnight, 24 women and 22 men who reported having PVI (penile-vaginal intercourse) had a better stress response to those having other or no sexual behaviours.
Another study, published in the same journal, found that diastolic blood pressure, aka the bottom number of your blood pressure, was lower in people who lived together and had sex often.
A 2010 study found that men who had sex twice a week halved their risk of having a heart attack. The researchers lead this study as they believed that as sex is a physical activity, it makes your heart work just as any other form of cardio and exercise would. The researchers also believed that people wanting to have regular sex and who were physically able to were more likely to be healthier overall.
That’s right: having regular sex has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.
The study, carried out by scientists at Wilkes University in the United States of America, studied 112 university students who kept records of how often they had sex and also provided saliva samples for the study. Those who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of IgA.
Enjoying regular sex can also lead to fewer sick days because it boosts your immunity.
Who needs a personal trainer for motivation when you could have sex instead?
Sex releases endorphins, which are the body’s natural painkillers but can also increase our levels of motivation. It can be easy to make excuses not to exercise when we’re feeling sluggish, however if the body is naturally more motivated thanks to our endorphins, we’re more likely to make the time to exercise.
Many of us are aware of the health benefits of enjoying a good sex life, but research has shown it can positively impact upon your job satisfaction and productivity too. It boosts your confidence, reduces stress and can lead to fewer sick days too.
That clever hormone mentioned above, oxytocin, also has anti-inflammatory qualities, which help to repair skin cells. Having sex also promotes oestrogen levels, improving skin elasticity and dryness. Sex also increases our circulation, which gives you that post-sex glow.
A study conducted by Dr David Weeks, the former Head of Old Age Psychology at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital (2013), found that regular sex can make you look younger too!
It has been scientifically proven that the more frequent ejaculations a person has, the lower their risk of prostate cancer. This is because ejaculating flushes out toxins and old cells in the prostate. There are other lifestyle factors to consider to reducing your risk of developing cancer, but more sex is certainly a fun way to start!
So, if you’re looking for new ways to improve your overall health and wellness, start by having sex!
]]>My cancer, Neuroendocrine Cancer, was diagnosed at stage 4 in July 2017 following 8 years of discomfort, strange symptoms and acute pain which resulted in multiple visits to the GP and A&E. So when the diagnosis finally arrived there was a sense of relief that it was not psychological and perhaps something could be done to alleviate my pain. It wasn’t too long before I was sat in a consultation with a specialist strategizing my treatment and surgery.
Surgery… Whilst it sounded very positive as I was keen to remove the cancer, the implications of what was to follow was an unwelcome experience. I must have sat in numerous consultations across hospitals and the GP surgery but the subject of sex was never mentioned. The subject of how I would feel/look post-surgery was not discussed apart from the length and shape of the scar-to-be! I was informed that it would in no way look as ‘pretty’ as my hysterectomy scar…
In all fairness sex was the furthest subject from my mind at the time but in hindsight, it perhaps should have been a subject which formed part of my recovery to be addressed at a later date. Nevertheless, it was imperative to prepare me mentally for the surgical trauma. None of the literature I received mentioned sex, it was almost as if people with cancer did not have sex or enjoy sexual pleasure! Yes sex was important but as you navigated the journey the most important issue was to stay alive for as long as possible. The problem with not having sex on the Multi Disciplinary Team (MDT) agenda is that it will never be ‘revisited’ as it was not ‘visited’ in the first instance. Your sex life would only become a ‘thing’ when you decided to engage. Then bang! Literally bang! The fear that would erupt was like nothing you ever felt. Suddenly your body confidence would be torn to shreds. Torn to shreds without knowing where to turn.
Considering I had invasive surgery which left a scar that was long and not particularly nice to look at, you might think that someone would have considered how my body confidence might alter. Since then I found it difficult to wear a bra as they catch on the scar tissue. Wearing bikinis is no longer an option. Instead this fundamental part of being a person with a sexual existence was met with ‘silence’.
Was it me? Was it embarrassing for the medical teams to raise or was it just not a ‘thing’ that would ever be addressed in cancer consultations? Perhaps it was because I was single at the time? What about the scar, wouldn’t this present me with emotional issues? Is it because my cancer was not in the breast why lingerie to suit was not discussed? Maybe it was just overlooked? Maybe there was an assumption that sex would not be part of my life as I often went to appointments on my own. Maybe I just needed to take my head out of the sex cloud and focus on saving my life, prioritise what mattered most to the MDT.
Please note that I really appreciate my MDT team so this is not a criticism of their care. The more I thought about the ‘silence’ on sex is the more I researched the topic. I ventured into multiple Macmillan Support centres and found information guides on sex and cancer so what was the problem? Why the silence? The booklets were there, present on the shelves but yet, somehow, the subject did not translate into the consultation rooms. Was it that I needed to have a sexual difficulty and was expected to raise the matter of sex for myself? Did the responsibility lay solely with me? If it did, then I had far too much to deal with at the time as well as challenging this silence on sex.
As the months passed by I found myself looking at the scar and mourning the body I once had. I mourned the smoothness of my abdomen from side to side, top to bottom. Now in its place sat an unsightly raised scar which reminded me every day of my journey with cancer. Although it played on my mind when I was naked, it was not detrimental as I did not have a partner. Had a partner been in my life I felt that this would have erected a whole range of issues around body and sexual confidence. Yet still, I continued to think about how the silence made me feel, it wasn’t good and there were far too many ‘maybes’ in response to my concerns…
Fast forward to the summer of 2018, I had undergone major surgery and continued on my treatment path. I was happy. The medical team had given me another shot at life and I was grateful. I was grateful but not content. I was not content because the fundamental basics of enjoying sex and the pleasure it brings was absent from my existence. It was absent because it had never been visited, it was not afforded the opportunity to be revisited…The summer of 2018 became the turning point where my journey ventured into seeking answers, challenging the silence and openly inviting the ‘elephant in the room’ to become the norm.
This was the beginning of sex and cancer for me. So, I met and fell for a really dapper man who had an advanced stage of cancer. The summer of 2018 was filled with much excitement, new experiences and oodles of laughter. I laughed so much that summer I often thought that my abdominal scar would reopen!! What was refreshing is that I did not feel the need to explain my scar. I had no issue whatsoever with body confidence as they knew what I had gone through, their journey was similar to mine. This does not mean that someone is automatically compatible or that they will have an equal understanding, but fortunately they did. I was not afraid, confident and at times forgetting that I even had cancer. The beauty of the newly found friendship helped to forge these feelings.
He once told me that a good friend came to visit him when he was first diagnosed. One of the first questions his friend asked was, ‘so how is your sex life?!’ Whilst we fell about laughing I quickly replied, ‘so how is your sex life? Your friend was right to ask you!’ This was quickly followed by a deep conversation where it became apparent that apart from his friend, not one medic had asked either of us this question! Was it because we both had advanced cancers? Was it deemed as being pointless? Whatever the reason was it was not good enough!
From here I made a decision to make it my concern. Fast forward to the autumn of 2019 where I made a connection with others who had shared similar stories of sex not being addressed as part of the recovery. The stories were heart wrenching, were we not human beings with basic needs? Some were given such poor advice that it later became detrimental to their wellbeing. This was not right! I felt that all patients should be offered the opportunity to have sexual intimacy as part of their cancer care plan. If they chose to discuss it, this would remain optional but it should be an area which was deserving of timely attention.
Going through cancer you are supported back into employment, given lifesaving treatment/surgery and encouraged to move forward into your ‘new normal.’ ‘New normal’, what is this if sex and intimacy is not part of it? Does finding a ‘new normal’ mean to eliminate parts of your former sexual wellbeing? Is this the ultimate sacrifice of being helped to stay alive? For me this was no trade off, cancer patients deserved to experience sex in their ‘new normal’.
In my Wordpress blog, ‘Cancer is a Dancing Queen’, I introduced the topic of sex and cancer. I discussed ways of increasing body confidence by dressing up (roleplay), disguising scars with lingerie and introducing playfulness as part of sexual fulfilment. The response to this post was great! People actually wanted to talk about sex and cancer. Prior to this I ran a survey asking questions about matters I felt was missing from cancer support. Sex was one of the topics.
To my unenviable surprise, not one person had sex mentioned during any of their consultations…Considering the health benefits of sex on the mind, the body and our soul, you would think that this natural act of pleasure would form part of cancer recovery. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate that sex is not always practical or desired depending on each individual circumstance. However, what I am saying and will continue to say is that sex must form part of cancer care plans. Sex must no longer be the ‘elephant in the room’ both in consultations or within relationships.
Cancer or not, we have basic needs and a human right to this form of pleasure. Sex is enjoyable, healthy and can form an integral part of your existence. Post treatment/surgery you should be afforded the opportunity to renew your body holistically, which should include sex if it is desired.
As I write this article, this month is Breast Cancer Awareness month (October). There have been hundreds of social media posts filling timelines with words of encourement and personal journeys. To my horror I came across one of my followers who was being warned by the social media platform that their posts on Breast Cancer which included photography, would be removed and their account deleted! Yes DELETED! Lightbulb moment! Now I truly understood why sex and cancer never made it to the MDT tea party! If a large social media platform could see Breast Cancer posts as being ‘sexual’ in content, how did the Breast Cancer surgeon view breasts? How did the Oncology Clinical Nurse Specialist (CNS) view breasts? How did the GP view breasts? If breasts did not form part of our sexual pleasure, whatever our gender why would they see sex as an urgent conversation in cancer patients? Why would anyone try to fix the ‘elephant in the room’ during consultations?
So what would I suggest when it comes to sex post cancer surgery/treatment? Be open to learn, be ready to communicate, be present in the moment, be ready to express yourself possibly in a way that you have never done before. Body confidence does not always come naturally, cancer or not, so have a think about dressing up in role play outfits. By doing this, it may help you to be your true self behind a semi disguise. It may also help you to renew your sense of confidence in your sexual relationship.
Have you considered introducing some kink or watching pornography (not the type with the unbelievable storyline and music stuck in the 70s!) Why not try sex toys? If you do decide to travel along this route make sure that you use reputable sites such as Jo Divine. Whilst you want to enjoy sex, the last thing you need is a reaction to lubricants and sex toys which encourage allergic reactions, Bacterial Vaginosis or Thrush! Do your research! Through careful reviews I found an excellent range of lubricants such as Yes Organics. I was also lucky enough to come across the Mini Marvels Marvellous Lover clitoral vibrator!
Some of us have had surgery or treatment which can change how you feel about yourself, emotionally and/or physically. Again, introducing sex toys to assist may prove to be useful along with informative literature on sexual health. All is accessible on well informed websites. Do remember that sexual pleasure does not need to involve penetration. Read around the subject on different ways to bring pleasurable orgasmic experiences into your sex life. When you are fatigued or post-surgery/treatment the last thing you need is a marathon sex stint! Find ways to explore short bursts of pleasure such as mutual masturbation.
There are also lots of battery operated finger masturbators which stops your fingers from becoming tired – let the battery do the work! Mutual masturbation can take place anywhere (don’t get me into trouble by getting caught in a car on a layby!) and does not need to wait until bedtime or the bedroom – be present and be part of your renewed post cancer sexual adventure!
Four years post diagnosis I am still waiting for sex to form part of my consultations/support and hopefully to become a ‘recycled virgin’ in the process!! Please do not suffer in silence, silence that you did not ask for. Let’s speak out and push for sex to form part of cancer recovery for EVERYONE!
My name is Cheryl aka ‘Cancer is a Dancing Queen’ on Wordpress and Instagram. I am the proud mother of two grown up children.
I was diagnosed with stage 4 Neuroendocrine Cancer in 2017 following a cycle of repeat symptoms over 8 years. It first started with the diagnosis of a benign tumor and the rest is history. Being catapulted into the world of cancer has opened my eyes to the gaps in the support of people living with cancer. The bits in between that with the best will in the world, an Oncology surgeon simply cannot fix!
I am looking forward to raising important questions around sex and cancer in the community, within charitable settings and in parliament if needed! Sex is a fundamental part of life and should be present in all Cancer Care plans.
Please help me to take up this cause by sharing your stories and putting sex on the cancer map!
A huge thank you to Cheryl Johnson for writing this fantastic article about her experience. Having connected through social media, (the positive side of social media), chatting at length about sex and cancer and why it isn’t included as a compulsory part of treatment, she is opening the conversation about sex and cancer through her own experience, talking to other people post treament and to healthcare professionals (HCPs) too. The experiences of expert patients is so important, something all HCPs working in oncology needs to hear, this is their “lived” life, the impact of treatment upon their quality of life which includes enjoying sex. No one should ever have to feel grateful for “just being alive”!
Using my nursing experience and extensive knowledge of our sex toys and other products we help many people post cancer treatment to regain their sexual function and enjoy pleasurable sex in whatever they can and are able to and work with several amazing cancer charities and support groups including Trekstock, Womb Cancer Support, Ovacome, Vulval Cancer Awareness and Chris’ Cancer Community.
However it is incredibly frustrating that talking about sex and the impact cancer treament has upon your sexual function, intimacy, pleasure, body image and confidence is not a compulsory part of treatment and not even an after thought unless you are lucky to have a HCP or CNS ( like the amazing HCPs we work with who also give out our health brochure and signpost their patients to Jo Divine) who is proactive in helping you continue to enjoy sex. It is not rocket science, often simple practical advice and suitable products that can make such a huge difference to sexual health, intimacy and pleasure.
So let’s get this conversation going, keep talking, ask your HCP why they do not talk about sex and ask them about sex. Enjoying pleasurable sex is important to so many people and having cancer doesn’t mean you have to give up on your sex life.
Cheryl has also created the fabulous Cancer Creativity in 2020 for UK residents, a amazing 8 week course, covering so many different topics and connecting people who have had/ have cancer and have gone through or are going through treatment. The first course, now coming to an end has been a huge success and she hopes to repeat it again this year.
Useful websites
Neuroendocrinecancer UK : www.neuroendocrinecancer.org.uk
Womb Cancer Support: www.wombcancersupportuk.weebly.com
Eve Appeal: www.eveappeal.org.uk
Ovacome : www.ovacome.org.uk
Jo’s Trust : www.jostrust.org.uk
Vulval Cancer Awareness UK : www.lsvcukawareness.weebly.com
Breast Cancer Care :www.breastcancercare.org.uk
Chris’ Cancer Community : www.chris-cancercommunity.com
Dr Louise Newson, menopause specialist : www.menopausedoctor.co.uk
Jennifer Young : www.beautydespitecancer.co.uk
HipHeadWear : www.hipheadwear.co.uk
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy :www.pogp.csp.org.uk
Ovarian Cancer Action : www.ovarian.org.uk
Shine Cancer: www.shinecancersupport.org
Clic Sargeant: www.clicsargent.org.uk
Trekstock: www.trekstock.com
Macmillan: www.macmillan.org.uk
GRACE (Gynae-Oncology Clinical Research and Excellence): www.grace-charity.org.uk
College of Sex and Relationship Therapists : www.cosrt.org.uk
Beating Bowel Cancer : www.beatingbowelcancer.org
Prostate UK : prostatecanceruk.org
Testicular Cancer : orchid-cancer.org.uk
Mouthcare for cancer patients : www.mouthcareforcancerpatients.co.uk
Have you ever had thrush? I have. And it isn’t pleasant; it’s itchy, uncomfortable and frustrating. It usually means I have to press pause on partnered sex, and often takes multiple doses of treatments to finally shift it.
As someone who has type 1 diabetes, recurrent thrush has been a larger part of my life over the years than I would have liked it to be. The problem is, it’s viewed largely as being “normal”, just something to deal with whenever it happens, which – at times – was every month. The impact of this is huge, both on my mental health and my sex life: no one wants to be continually battling an itchy vulva.
What I didn’t know was that there are things I can be doing to reduce the likelihood of getting thrush. Choices I can make in my everyday life that are really very easy, and that make an actual difference. Here’s what I’ve learned.
Thrush is a common infection caused by a type of yeast, most often called Candida Albicans. It can affect someone’s mouth, genitals or other areas of their body (such as armpits) and can affect people with a vulva or a penis. It is not a sexually transmitted infection, as it is usually caused by something unrelated to sex, but if someone has it can be passed on.
75% of people with a vagina are thought to experience vaginal thrush at least once in their life and many will experience it recurrently.
The most common symptoms are:
You may also experience:
However, while thrush is common – and not something to be ashamed of – normalising it is problematic. Here’s why.
However, there are a number of other reasons people can get it, and many reasons for its recurrence.
We asked our community about their experiences. 85% of people said they had had thrush at least once. While a couple said they did not know why, the reasons given by those who did were much more diverse and far-reaching than those commonly given. As well as the list above, our community identified:
Knowledge is power: while thrush may be part and parcel of things like pregnancy, antibiotics, diabetes, HRT and chemotherapy, there are a number of choices we can all make to reduce the chances of getting thrush.
Some ingredients in popular lubricants are notorious for causing thrush. The main ingredients to look out for are:
Choose a lube that is skin safe and pH balanced, like Yes or SUTIL Luxe
Many well known feminine hygiene products that you can buy over the counter and are often recommended by GPs actually contain the same ingredients that cause recurrent infections, and therefore exacerbate the problem.
Avoid any intimate washes and wipes, even those that are made and marketed especially for your genitals. This industry is huge, worth billions of pounds and rapidly growing.
Other products to avoid:
If you are able to, use a menstrual cup, or invest in period pants as these can be a much more vulva-friendly way to manage your period.
The vulva is self-cleaning, so only needs to be washed with water. However, unperfumed soaps are generally also suitable. For people with a penis is it so important to be washing the penis thoroughly, including under the foreskin. Thrush can be passed back and forth if you are having unprotected sex so intimate hygiene is important but does not mean investing in anything marketed specifically for genitals. Again: warm water is adequate, unperfumed soap is fine.
The vagina is also mostly self-lubricating, but lack of lubrication is absolutely a compounding factor for recurrent thrush and well, wetter is always better. Using skin safe, pH balanced lubes that don’t contain glycerine, glycol or parabens is great and some can double up as a vaginal moisturiser too.
Wearing cotton underwear can also be helpful in managing recurrent thrush.
And, if you notice symptoms of thrush, make sure you treat it quickly. If you are having unprotected sex, ensure you communicate with your partner so they can also treat themselves and help to avoid thrush tennis.
It is also a good idea to make sure it is actually thrush. Sexual health clinics and GPs offer testing, so before treating yourself it’s often worth getting checked out. That way, if it is thrush – and it’s recurring – you can speak to someone about it and, whether it is or isn’t, you will be getting the correct treatment. Thrush is one of the most commonly goggled embarrassing health questions yet is one of the most frequently misdiagnosed infection so getting the correct diagnosis and treatment is important.
Recurrent thrush is not only unpleasant and frustrating, it can also lead to treatments being ineffective. If you are getting symptoms of thrush regularly, definitely speak to your GP or sexual health clinic as you may need some more aggressive or longer-term treatments.
If you do find yourself with thrush:
Have you ever heard of Pudendal Neuralgia? Even though I have a nursing background, neither had I until I was invited to join a Facebook group.
Pudendal neuralgia, sometimes called pudendal nerve entrapment or Alcock canal syndrome, is long-term pelvic pain that originates from damage or irritation of the pudendal nerve – a main nerve in the pelvis. The pudendal nerve supplies areas including the: lower buttocks area between the buttocks and genitals (perineum) area around the anus and rectum. Your pudendal nerve runs from your lower back, along your pelvic floor muscles, out to your perineum (the skin between your pubic bone and your tail bone). It leads to pain in the clitoris/penis, vulva/scrotum, perineum, and rectum, especially when sitting.
Other symptoms include numbness and pins and needles in the pelvic area, increased sensitivity to pain, even a light touch or wearing clothes, a feeling as if there is a swelling in your perineum, needing to urinate more often or urgency, pain during sex, difficulty reaching orgasm and erectile dysfunction in men ( NHS.UK 2019)
The prevalence of pudendal neuralgia is unknown, although some have estimated a prevalence of 1/100,000 people. Spinosa et al ( Rev Medical Suisse 2006) documented an incidence of 1% in the general population, affecting women more than men.
Sometimes no reason can be found, but these are the common causes:
Not all the possible treatments are widely available on the NHS, but these treatments can help:
If you need a pelvic examination or cervical screening test, speak to your GP/nurse/gynaecologist and tell them about your concerns. These useful tips may help too.
Marion Jones is a remarkable inspirational woman who had kindly shared her experience of this condition that is little researched or even known about in the medical world. Despite living in constant pain every day, she is a tireless passionate campaigner raising awareness to educate and inform the general public and healthcare professionals. This is her story.
I am Marion Jones, a 65-year-old lady, born in West Sussex and have spent most of my working life in a high street bank and then at my local hospital in Human Resources.
Whilst working at the hospital I found out that I had a rectocele prolapse which needed surgery. A rectocele prolapse, also known as a posterior vaginal prolapse, occurs when the wall of fibrous tissue that separates the rectum from the vagina weakens, which allows the rectum to bulge into the vagina.
My consultant gynaecologist said that they would do a vaginal hysterectomy (whereby the womb and cervix are removed through an incision made in the top of the vagina) at the same time as the repair. As he was the Head Consultant in Womans Health, who was I to question that?
Following the operation, I felt a tremendous amount of pain both in the vagina and anus. When I questioned it, I was told it was early days and it would soon settle down, but this was the beginning of my journey to find out what was wrong with me as I was still suffering immense pain every waking minute.
I couldn’t sit down or wear underwear. It hurt too much, throbbing, burning and stabbing in both the vagina and anus. I wanted this pain to just go. It was debilitating, but I needed to get back to work. The thought of living like this was heartbreaking after leading an active life, travelling, meeting friends for meals and going to concerts and the cinema. Sadly, all these things came to a standstill.
I asked my doctor about a second opinion, and she referred me to Birmingham City Hospital where I was operated on within 2 weeks for a vestibulectomy – this is a procedure which removes the tender areas of the skin within the vestibule (the area between the lower vagina and just within the vulva), botox to the anus ( this helps to relax the muscles) and Bartholin glands ( these are two pea sized compound alveolar glands located slightly posterior and to the left and right of the opening of the vagina, which secrete mucus to lubricate the vagina) were infected. Unfortunately, all this did not help the pain.
The consultant then referred me to the Vulva specialist, who diagnosed me with Pudendal Neuralgia from touching the sides of the vagina walls. He not only gave me a name for my agonising pain, but he also told me he was sure that this was caused by the original operation. I was under his care for a few years, trying different medication and nerve blocks until he told me there was nothing else he could do for me.
I then was transferred to the Pain Management Department at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham where I was told I had tried everything possible but the University College London Hospital had a good reputation for dealing with nerve pain, so I grabbed the chance of going there as a last resort.
Whilst waiting for my first appointment, I discovered that an old biopsy site had got bigger and would bleed when wiped, so I was again referred back to my local hospital for investigation. I had the outpatients’ appointment, but the consultant was unable to touch me due to the pain, so she decided to admit me and do the procedure under General Anaesthetic.
I tried to keep calm on the day of the procedure, I had all the necessary tests and was kitted out ready for theatre when a nurse came and informed me that the Consultant wanted to exam me before I went under. I told her this wasn’t what was agreed, and she said I would need to have a talk with the consultant. I arrived at theatre and the consultant came to me and said, “I just want to give you an examination before we put you under General Anaesthetic”. I protested that this would cause me immense pain, but her reply was “It will all be fine, just like an outpatients department appointment, it won’t hurt at all” I saw she had a speculum in her hand which she then proceeded to push into the vagina. I grabbed hold of the sides of the theatre bed and screamed……
She looked at me and said, “It can’t possibly hurt, I have used the smallest speculum” By this time, rage was building up inside me, and I was shaking with fear. I protested again, saying that this was not what I had agreed to. She then came up beside me and said, “I think all this pain is psychological”!!!
It was at that moment I decided I was going to make a formal complaint against her. I had suffered 8 years of this pain and how dare she say it was all in my head. I made my complaint and was pleased with the outcome as I had educated one hospital about the condition Pudendal Neuralgia.
My appointment for University College London Hospital arrived, and I set off on the train with a friend ( I needed to be accompanied because I am registered partially sighted). I saw a friendly and sympathetic consultant who didn’t want to exam me due to the pain I would be in when travelling home, but she did.
She booked me in for more nerve blocks which failed to work at all, not even for a day, so she then prescribed me a drug called Tapendrol. In order to take this drug, I needed to come off Duloxetine which is a muscle relaxant/antidepressant. I did this but found that the Tapendrol gave me side effects such as constant itching all over the body and insomnia. After trying antihistamines, my doctor decided I should come off the drug.
A few days later, I sat with nearly 300 pills in front of me, ready to take. I had no reserves left in my body to cope with the pain any more. I wanted out, gone…..
My neighbour messaged me to see how I was, which was unusual for her, but thankfully she did, and she came and sat with me and called 111. The paramedics arrived, and I went to A & E where I had to sit (due to lack of beds) for over 10 hours before a lady from the Crisis Team came and talked to me. I was under their care for 2 weeks, then I received counselling to ensure it didn’t happen again.
This is the end of the road for me. I have been everywhere except overseas, tried everything, and I still have no relief from the pain. I was put back on Duloxetine to bring my mood back to where it was before. I am in as much pain now as I was when I was taking all the drugs prescribed so what’s the point?
I just live with it now, no more chasing cures, I am going to live the rest of my life the best I can but without being drugged up to the nines.
Since my mental breakdown, I have actively campaigned for more awareness, research and training in the NHS for this condition. There are nearly 800 men and women in a face book group suffering from this condition. It may take a while to achieve, but I won’t give up. The medical profession needs to be taught more about the pelvic area during their medical school because nobody should suffer pain like this
Pudendal means “To be ashamed” in Latin. I am not ashamed to talk about this condition. It is not a Taboo subject.
I want to say a huge thank you to Marion for sharing her harrowing experience, she is one of the bravest people I have met since I started writing and talking about sexual health, intimacy and pleasure. She is using her experience to educate, inform and encourage more research into this less well-known condition which is life changing for many people. I hope by reading Marion’s story, someone who has these symptoms seeks medical advice.
The more we can raise awareness, the more medical professionals will hopefully listen, learn and never ever say “it’s all in your head” a phrase so many women have been told when there seems to be no reason for their pain!
I really hope that Marion does find an effective treatment, but until then, we will continue to raise awareness with her, wherever we can, to help educate the world about Pudendal Neuralgia
Credit to Emma Norman, founder of lichenssclerosusawareness for the image
Marion has written a brilliant book called Bits & Butts : An A-Z of Pudendal Neuralgia available on Amazon. This book is an excellent resource for anyone working in pelvic health, gynaecology, obstetrics and urology in addition to anyone living with the condition
Useful websites
Vulval Pain Society: www.vulvalpainsociety.org
Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists: www.rcog.org.uk
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy : https://pogp.csp.org.uk
Chartered Society of Physiotherapy: www.csp.org.uk
College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists : www.cosrt.org.uk
Receiving a diagnosis of breast cancer can be devastating and hard to digest. Thousands of women go through this ordeal every year successfully, but the disease or effects of treatment can affect their sexuality and ability to return to satisfying sexual intercourse. Understanding what is happening to their bodies, simple changes to the way in which they see themselves and how they have sex can benefit the sex lives of women after breast cancer and help them to enjoy a fulfilling relationship and to make new relationships again.
Research from Breast Cancer Care (2018) has found that eight in 10 women diagnosed with breast cancer say they are unhappy with their sex lives after undergoing treatment. 83% of those surveyed had been diagnosed over three years ago, suggesting that some women continue to struggle for a long time without support.
Yet, this does not need to be the case when help is available.
Recovering from breast cancer can leave many women feeling unattractive, suffering from low libido and experiencing decreased sexual satisfaction. Many women report sexual problems after completing their treatment, either as a result of the treatment or physical changes in their bodies. Any form of cancer can impact upon a person’s sexuality, but it can be more problematic after breast cancer because the breasts are intimately connected with sexual attractiveness and erotic play.
It is important to include those women who develop secondary breast cancer which is treatable but not curable. Many people believe that it comes back in the breast; however, this is not the case, it appears in other areas within the body, and they require ongoing treatment which can impact upon sexual intimacy, pleasure and relationships, so need support and practical advice to help them enjoy sex.
Some women feel uncomfortable being naked in front of their partner or feel discomfort when touched by their partner, either on the site of their surgery or in their genital area, often as a result of chemotherapy and drug therapy which can make these parts of the body sensitive or painful. However, this does not need to be a problem, as there are many ways in which a woman can begin to feel sexy again with the right help and support from partners and medical professionals.
It is important to realise that getting back to sex after treatment is a gradual process that cannot be rushed. Taking your time and going at your own pace will ensure higher success at returning to normal sexual activity.
“Sex can feel like a work in progress during breast cancer treatment and beyond, so take your time and have some fun too”
You may find it becomes more pleasurable as you explore different ways to enjoy sexual intimacy.
As in any relationship, this is the key to success between couples. The way in which you communicate with each other is important: often, one partner will highlight a problem or issue that the other partner has never considered or may consider to be trivial. It is not always easy to talk about sex, but finding the right environment for both of you is essential. You need to consider how you share sexual pleasure and what has changed within your relationship.
Explore new ways of sexual intimacy, such as sex without intercourse, using sex toys or bondage to explore each other’s bodies, reading erotic fiction or watching films to increase arousal. Tell each other what feels good and what is uncomfortable or painful.
Breasts play an important part during sex, especially if you enjoy having them stimulated. Losing a breast or changes to a breast through surgery and radiotherapy can impact upon the way you feel about being a woman and your sexual satisfaction. Your partner may be affected by the way in which you look if they gain sexual pleasure from the look or feel of your breasts.
Following surgery, your breast may feel more sensitive or may have areas of numbness. It can be helpful to your partner if you tell them where and how you would like to be touched, or even guide their hand, so they know how to touch you and what pressure they can use. Scar tissue may feel very sensitive or numb so guide your partner in how you want to be touched and let them know if you would prefer no to be touched in this area.
If you do not like having your breasts touched, try other parts of your body such as the neck, ears, lips, thighs and genitals for sexual stimulation. Try massaging each other with scented oils or take a long, hot bath, soaping each other all over. Sex toys, feathers, silky scarves, textured gloves, ice cubes are all great ways to create different sensations across your skin, on nipples, on the back of the neck, up and down the spine.These simple techniques can help you to reconnect sexually.
Being in a relationship or single, many women mourn the loss of their breast, others rejoice that it has gone with their cancer. Feeling self-conscious about the way you look is common, but many people do not even realise that you have undergone a mastectomy. Confronting the physical changes to your body is important and will enable you to feel confident about how you look. For those in a relationship, involving your partner can help too.
Some women choose to wear a prosthesis in their bra before having reconstructive surgery. The choice of underwear for women who have had a mastectomy is wide, and your breast care nurse can put you in contact with a specialist underwear advisor trained in helping you find the most suitable lingerie. Many women have breast reconstruction soon after surgery and find it enhances their quality of life. Others choose to use prostheses and underwear.
RecoBra has been designed by Nicole de Havilland. She has worked within the breast cancer patient industry as a therapist for over twenty years. Nicole came up with the idea of a seamless recovery bra when her patients expressed disappointment that they could not find a suitable bra to wear immediately following breast surgery. Many bras are inappropriate and have seams which cause skin irritation and broken skin. Recobra addresses the specific needs of post-operative recovery.
Choosing pretty lingerie can really help your self-esteem and body image. There are several specialist lingerie websites, including Lovemeandmysecret that have gorgeous bras and matching knickers, especially for post mastectomy. There are several companies that offer great swimwear too. Cleverly designed, many feel comfortable to wear and look feminine too.
If you are used to wearing low cut tops, you may feel self-conscious and wish to change the way in which you dress, but there are many great clothes which can still make you feel feminine. Breast reconstruction can enhance your figure, and you may end up with better breasts than you used to have!
You can have your nipple tattooed onto your new breast or if it has been removed. Some women have their breasts tattooed with incredible designs which look amazing.
Gaining weight can often be a result of treatment, being less active or eating more when you feel anxious. This can lead to low self-esteem, but changing your eating habits and taking regular exercise such as walking can help control weight gain, improve your overall sense of well-being and speed up your recovery.
If in a relationship, your partner may enjoy your new curves, hopefully boosting your sex life, or they may encourage you in lose weight by joining you in your new exercise and diet regime.
New research published in Canadian Medical Association Journal (2017) highlights that physical activity and avoiding weight gain are the most important lifestyle choices that can reduce the risk of cancer recurrence.
Some NHS trusts offer a 6-week exercise programme after treatment to help you return to exercise safely, but this is not widely available across the UK.
Great Manchester Sport offers Fit After Cancer Treatment, a group designed to support cancer patients with physical, mental and emotional fitness once their treatment is complete.
Jo Taylor from ABC Diagnosis piloted the first Breast Cancer Retreat in Yorkshire which included Yoga, Walking/Nordic walking, Running, Cycling, Relaxation & possible therapies, and how to deal with menopause, all with trained professionals which received a great response. You’ll find more details about future retreats on her website.
5k Your Way, Move Against Cancer is a supportive community that inspires and empowers people impacted by cancer to live an active & fulfilling lifestyle. You can find meet ups and support groups around the UK
Not everyone loses their hair when undergoing cancer treatment – it depends on what type of drugs are being used. Hair loss can be a distressing side effect of chemotherapy, but it is always temporary and hair usually grows back after treatment has stopped. Some people even find that their hair is thicker than before.
Using a wig may help, and there are many companies, who provide suitable wigs for people undergoing chemotherapy.
If you find a wig uncomfortable, try wearing hats or scarves. HipHeadWear offers stylish, comfortable headwear for everyday wear, special occasions and when exercising too.
Dying your hair is not recommended during cancer treatment but using vegetable dyes is suitable. Some women lose their eyebrows, which can be distressing, but using make – up or semi-permanent make up can help.
Cancer treatments can impact upon your skin, making it feel dry, itchy and sore. Jennifer Young created Beauty Despite Cancer, a skincare range that specialise in skin care products designed for people who have had cancer to prevent irritation. They also offer great nail care products too, as these often fall off or become brittle after treatment.
Many women being treated for breast cancer find that their libido reduces or disappears completely as a result of their treatment, prolonged fatigue, physical changes to their body, lack of confidence about the way their body looks after surgery or constant worry and anxiety about their diagnosis, treatment and future. Take time to explore what works for you sexually, and seek medical advice if you feel that the problem is not resolving itself. Many drugs for breast cancer can impact upon your libido, and a simple change in your drug therapy may reduce any unpleasant side effects.
Exploring a simple bullet vibrator and using skin safe irritant free lubricants like YES organic lubricants or Sutil Luxe can be a simple way to begin to feel sexual, something we often recommend to anyone experiencing low libido. Try playing with the bullet vibrator alone even if you do not feel sexual because it will feel pleasurable, it takes little effort just to lie back, relax and gently play the vibrator over your clitoris. You can even use it whilst relaxing in the bath. Once you feel more confident, you can introduce your bullet to a partner, show them how you like to use it, let them use it on your clitoris, play it over their body, nipples, penis, clitoris and have some fun.
Air pulse and sonic wave toys are great products to help to boost your arousal as they gently tease and caress the clitoris into submission, promoting blood flow and pleasurable sensations to your clitoris and inside your vagina. Being waterproof, they are fun to use whilst relaxing in the bath or shower and are a good way to help you to get in the mood for sex play
Many of the side effects of cancer treatments can bring about symptoms of the menopause can be distressing. Hot flushes, night sweats, vaginal atrophy and vaginal dryness can affect your sexual intimacy, pleasure relationships.
Some women are unable to take hormone replacement therapy; however, there are alternative medications to ease some symptoms, so ask your oncologist, CNS or GP. YES organic lubricants and vaginal moisturiser and SUTIL Luxe and Rich are completely hormone free. Made from botanical and organic ingredients which are good for your intimate health, these the best skin safe irritant free products you can use to improve vagina health and make sex feel pleasurable.
The impact of menopausal symptoms can be difficult for any woman, but especially younger women who are often put into a surgical or medical menopause overnight, especially when they may be surrounded by family and friends who may not understand the menopause. The Young Womens Breast Cancer blogspot is a great support group, connecting younger women going through treatment and beyond, providing a valuable network of people going through the same experience
Trekstock is a fabulous cancer charity we work with, for young people aged 16-40 which offers a huge amount of advice, support and events. I contributed to their excellent Navigating Menopause online course, which you can sign up to on their website
The stress of having a cancer diagnosis, then undergoing surgery to remove your breast and cancer treatment is extremely stressful and this can impact upon your sex life.
Cancer doesn’t know your age, and many younger women have breast cancer. For younger women, treatment may mean they are unable to have children or any more children, creating anxiety and stress. More advice is needed for younger women about their fertility and what options are available to them to preserve their fertility.
This is often overlooked or considered an afterthought when younger women have a cancer diagnosis, but being unable to have children affects both your physical and mental health, which in turn, impacts upon recovery and quality of life post treatment.
A survey by Breast Cancer Care (2016) found that 53% of younger women were not given the chance to discuss the possible impact of their treatment on fertility, despite national guidelines recommending younger women should be offered fertility preservation before starting breast cancer treatment.
A new Psycho-Oncology analysis of the published literature (2017) indicates that many cancer patients are not receiving support for fertility sparing choices or advice, and recommends that all cancer patients of reproductive age should be provided with fertility information and referrals for fertility preservation. One of the reasons is that oncologists may lack appropriate fertility knowledge and be unsure whose role it is to provide fertility support.
www.cancerandfertility.co.uk has been set up by Becki McGuinness, who was left infertile by aggressive cancer treatment when she was just 23-years-old. Now in her 30s, she launched a national campaign to ensure women facing cancer are given all the fertility options she should have been offered, which would have preserved her fertility.
Discussing all your fertility options before treatment is important, such as freezing your eggs or egg donation, and your consultant or Oncology Nurse Specialist will be able to offer help and advice as to what you can do.
The Young Womens Breast Cancer Blog offers so much support for younger women going through breast cancer.
Sex is so much more than penetration, and many people enjoy sex in a variety of ways. You don’t have to dive straight into full sex play with your partner. Getting back to enjoying intimacy together is a great place to start. Cuddling, kissing, massage, talking to each other can help to start your journey back to reclaiming your sex life.
Discover those erogenous zones, that gentle kiss on the nape of your neck, a warm breath in your ear, the lightest of touch along the side of your torso or down your thighs, that ticklish place behind your knees (or is that just me?) Your skin is the biggest organ in the body and the most erogenous, so explore what works for you. Using silky ribbons, feathers, temperature play with ice cubes, who knows where you’ll find your favourite erogenous zones?
Reading erotica can be fun, as can listening to audio porn to get you in the mood. Girl On The Net, Ferly and Dipsea are all great places to listen to erotic stories solo or with a partner
Being creative with your sex play can be fun and a way to get back to enjoying penetrative sex, if that is the way you enjoy sex.
Masturbation is so good for your health and especially during menopause because it promotes the blood flow to the vagina and vulva and increases your natural lubrication. It boosts your immunity, reduces stress, helps you sleep, eases pain, helps you to connect with a partner, increases your chance of enjoying an orgasm during penetrative sex, it connects you with your own sexuality, it’s safe so no risk of getting a sexual transmitted infection or pregnant, it’s free, hassle-free, pleasurable and lots of fun solo or with a partner!
Masturbation is so good for your physical and mental wellbeing, many healthcare professionals would prescribe sex and masturbation if they could, including those we work with at Jo Divine!
Try masturbating each other using your fingers, sex toys or with your tongue. Using YES or SUTIL makes it feel even more pleasurable and especially if you experience vaginal dryness
Invest in a sex toy for yourself and your partner, so you can both enjoy the pleasures of masturbation. Try a simple bullet vibrator or clitoral vibrator or male masturbator such as a Fleshlight or Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo which is great when penetrative sex is not possible because it enables couples to simulate sexual intercourse.
Watching your partner or being watched whilst playing with a toy or masturbating can be really arousing.
If single or in a relationship, solo play is ideal for relaxing and helping you enjoy sexual pleasure, switching everything off around you and concentrating on all the gorgeous sensations coursing through your body. A bit of self-love benefits everyone, reduces stress, decreases pain and can help you to enjoy a better night’s sleep too.
Vaginal dryness and irritation is a common issue post treatment, which makes sex feel painful sexual intercourse. However, you need to be an ingredients detective when choosing a sexual lubricant, as the vast majority contain irritating ingredients which can cause thrush and exacerbate vaginal dryness and atrophy. This is why it is important to use an irritant free lubricant can help
It’s essential to be aware of the ingredients of your lubricant as some chemicals can cause thrush even some available on prescription, and also ensure that you’re using a product that is designed for internal use, not store cupboard or bathroom cupboard products.
Many people may be new to using a lubricant and are unsure how they incorporate it into their sex play, so this article may be helpful.
YES organic lubricants are odourless, tasteless and feel sensuous on the skin and don’t leave sticky residues behind.
They offer nourishing qualities that are kind to the skin, rapidly relieving dryness and discomfort, and are pH balanced to maintain good vaginal health.
Using an oil-based lubricant first and applying a water-based one on the top creates a double glide affect, which feels more comfortable and can help sex last longer.
However, oil-based lubricants are not condom compatible, so stick to water-based lubricant if you are using them.
SUTIL LUXE is a silky smooth water-based lubricant that moisturises, nourishes and soothes our most intimate areas, as well as lubricating for sexual pleasure. This fabulous water-based lubricant gently cushions and glides, blending seamlessly with your own natural lubrication during sex, making you feel more lubricated, which feels very natural. Being water-based, it is easy to wash off too.
Free from irritating ingredients and hormone free, it is perfect post treatment, not only as a sexual lubricant but also as a vaginal moisturiser and can be used with any sex toy, dilator and condoms.
If you want a longer lasting lube that is condom compatible, SUTIL Rich is ideal. Designed with a pH suitable for both anal and vaginal use, the new “Rich” formulation has enhanced viscosity to ease anal penetration and soothe dry, delicate tissues.
SUTIL Rich contains small amounts of Horny Goat Weed — a herbal aphrodisiac — that is added, along with Siberian Ginseng and Jujube nut. Traditionally, these herbs are used to increase strength, energy, stamina and vitality, but they also help to boost immune functions and have natural antibiotic and antiseptic properties to fight infection. Horny Goat Weed is also a vasodilator, which promotes blood flow and increases natural lubrication.
Depending on your sensitivity, you may feel a warm, slightly tingly sensation when using SUTIL Rich and if you are new to SUTIL we would recommend trying SUTIL Luxe first (or trying both – we have 10ml testers of both available).
Made with eco – certified ingredients, SUTIL is committed to creating natural and organic cosmetics that are not only great for your skin, but also derived from renewable resources and manufactured using environmentally friendly processes.
Some people prefer a silicone lubricant which feel more slippery and can be used with condoms, making it a great alternative to oil-based lubricants. Silicone lubricants should not be used with silicone sex toys as they can damage the material of the toy.
The tissues of your vulva and vagina age like the rest of your body and need TLC to keep them happy and healthy, especially post treatment, so you can keep enjoying great sex. Cancer treatment affects the level of oestrogen in the tissues of the vulva and vagina and this can make them feel less well lubricated and dry, they can shrink leading to vaginal tightness, making sex play, smear tests and pelvic examinations uncomfortable or painful. They can become irritated, itchy, sore, and you may experience infections such as thrush and bacterial vaginosis.
Trans men and non-binary people who use testosterone can really benefit from using a good hormone free vagina moisturiser to ease any vaginal symptoms. I’ve included Queer Menopause below, an excellent resource for LGBTQIA+ and Menopause.
So, what should you use to moisturise your vulva and vagina? Ingredients matter when it comes to your intimate health, you need to avoid irritating ingredients widely used in some very well – known vaginal moisturisers, even on prescription and high street own brands which include glycerin, glycols, parabens, perfumes, dyes, alcohol and petroleum jelly. YESVM and SUTIL and SUTIL Rich are irritant free vaginal moisturisers that can really help your intimate health.
The impact of cancer treatments upon the body can leave your vagina feeling tight, making penetrative uncomfortable or painful. Many women are advised to use medical dilators to help them stretch the tissues of the vagina, but often find these uncomfortable or feel too clinical as they are made from hard plastic.
The fabulous Liz O’Riorden, breast surgeon who had breast cancer and co-author of “The Complete Guide to Breast Cancer: How to Feel Empowered” recommends getting yourself a “bag of tricks” or Intimacy Bag including silicone dilators, a simple bullet vibrator, a sonic wave toy and YES/Sutil lubricants and moisturisers.
A gentler alternative to medical dilators, the Inspire Silicone Dilator Kit offers 5 graduated dilators made from velvety soft silicone which are extremely flexible, unlike hard medical dilators and very gentle on the delicate skin of the vulva and vagina. The easy to use loop handle makes them comfortable to hold, and the gentle tapered shape and varied sizes allows you to increase the insertion size at a rate that is comfortable to you.
Many women combine the use of the Inspire Dilators with the Jo Divine IMMY as it can be used for clitoral stimulation to help relaxation of the vagina whilst using the dilator, and it slips into the loop handle which in turn, makes the dilators vibrate. The vibrations promote blood flow to the tissues of the vagina and stimulates the nerves to help sexual sensation too.
It is also ideal to use during foreplay on yourself or a partner to maintain intimacy.
Some people prefer to use dilators to overcome vaginal tightness rather than a vibrator; However, some prefer to use a vibrator, which feels less clinical. Many women want to feel sexual again after undergoing months of medical treatment and surgical intervention, and for them, using a vibrator is a way to enjoy sexual pleasure and intimacy once more and it’s more fun too!
Both medical dilators and vibrators can be used with each other, as they offer different experiences for many women. Medical dilators can help to stretch the tight tissues of the vagina, whilst a vibrator can promote blood flow and sensation and feels pleasurable too, especially on the clitoris.
The OhNut is a fabulous device, designed to be worn on a penis or on a vibrator. It acts as a buffer to prevent deep penetration and is especially useful for those with a more well-endowed partner
We work with many pelvic health physios who help people to regain their pelvic floor function which can be affected post treatment, so they can enjoy pleasurable sex. They recommend our products, including the Inspire Dilator kit, the IMMY, the OhNut and our sexual lubricants
You can ask your oncologist/CNS or GP to refer you, you can self refer or find one in private practice (details below in resources) You may find that your cancer centre has a pelvic health physio you can ask to be referred to.
There are many pelvic floor gadgets you can buy, including pelvic floor exercisers ; however, we always advise people to see a pelvic health physio before purchasing these products. Your physio may recommend a suitable product, including some of our products, for you to use at home, so please seek advice before you buy any product. Using these products without guidance may exacerbate your issues, especially if you have hypertonic or tight pelvic floor muscles
Breast cancer treatment can affect the way in which you experience orgasms. You may find it more difficult to orgasm as a result of your ability to become aroused due to anxiety, low libido, fatigue, fear that sex will be painful and the way you now view your body. Drug therapy can cause decreased sensation during sexual arousal, affecting how long it takes you to reach orgasm or the intensity.
Whether you are single or in a relationship, using sex toys can help increase sexual stimulation, help you achieve sexual pleasure in other ways through solo play and couples sex and are really fun to use.
Many sex toys help women to relax and can create a different sexual experience. Getting your partner to use a sex toy on you can help you to connect, even when penetrative sex is not possible. Incorporating a sex toy into your sex play is fun and can help to alleviate any worries or fear about getting back into sex again, they are great to play with a partner or just for solo pleasure.
When penetrative sex is possible, using clitoral stimulators on your clitoris can help increase your sexual pleasure and hopefully lead to an orgasm.
Some people may find their orgasms feel less powerful, or they struggle to have one. If you experience less than satisfactory orgasms or find they just disappear, invest in a skin safe sex toy, such as a clitoral stimulator, rabbit vibe or sonic wave toy like the LELO Sona 2 as mentioned above.
For same-sex couples, take it slowly with sex toys for penetration if you find it painful, perhaps switching to a slim product to begin with, rather than your regular go to sex toy.
Pain from scar tissue will slowly resolve following surgery, and teaching your partner to be gentle with you can help, guiding them where to touch you and what pressure to use. Many partners feel anxious about touching their partners for fear of causing pain and will be more than happy to be told what feels good and where to avoid.
Take pain medication before having sex to help ease any discomfort. Try experimenting with different sex positions if it feels uncomfortable – using pillows can help support you. This can be great fun as you explore what works for you. Lying side by side in a spooning position feels very intimate and will place less pressure on your body, as being on top.
Using a small sex toy during sex can help you both achieve sexual pleasure. A vibrating cock ring such as the Je Joue Mio can bring pleasure to both you and your partner if worn when you are on top. The vibrations will stimulate both your clitoris and their penis at the same time, ideal if reduced sensation is a problem.
The Satisfyer Pro 2 and LELO Sona2 are not vibrators, they use air pulse wave technology which gently caresses and teases the clitoris. This means there is less chance of feeling desensitised, which can happen when you use a classic vibrator for long periods of time. They are also great toys for those with decreased sexual sensation post treatment, as they have a wide range of settings, so you are sure to find one that works for you.
Fatigue is a common side effect of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. The key is to take things at your own pace: you can take a less active role during sex. Taking it slowly may increase your sexual arousal more, and by exploring new sexual techniques, you may discover areas of sexual pleasure you have never experienced before.
If you feel physically drained in the evening, try having morning sex or sex during the day. Even quickie sex can be fun and may reduce your fatigue. By slowly increasing the amount of physical activity you do, you may have more energy for sex.
Lymphoedema is swelling of the arm, hand or breast due to a build up of lymphatic fluid in the tissues. It is a long-term condition which can be controlled by medication and physio. If you feel uncomfortable, try different sexual positions. Take your medication beforehand to give it time to work. Talk to your partner about how you feel, and guide them to touch you in a way which causes the least discomfort.
Seek advice from a specialist physiotherapist who is trained in lymphatic drainage, which can ease pain and discomfort.
Known as cording, some women develop scar tissue in the armpit which forms a tight band. Usually, this can occur around 6-8 weeks post-operatively. Although harmless, cording feels similar to a guitar string and can be uncomfortable.
A specialist physiotherapist can teach you how to massage the area to help increase the movement in your arms and shoulders.
Often, the feelings of the partner are neglected in our haste to reassure the women with breast cancer, but the disease affects both her partner and her family. Some partners embrace what is happening and fully support their loved one, whilst others struggle to cope with their feelings about what is going on. Accepting what has happened and involving your partner can help them to understand what is happening and enable them to support you.
They may take on the role as protector to shield you from further harm, which could make your relationship feel claustrophobic and lead to conflict. They may not want to have sex because they are anxious about hurting you. As mentioned above, good communication can help allay any negative feelings either of you are having about sex and your relationship.
It may be helpful to seek help from counsellors or speak to the breast cancer care nurse. Finding new ways to enjoy sex can be fun but sometimes daunting, especially if you do not feel comfortable talking about sex. You may find that your cancer centre/oncology department has a psychosexual therapist, so ask to be referred. You can also find a private psychosexual therapist at COSRT who has a list of accredited practitioners
We also work with several psychosexual therapists too.
Looking for or starting a new relationship can be difficult, and you may feel anxious about becoming intimate. Meeting someone new, you may find it difficult to tell them your experience, but most people understand. If they struggle with this, perhaps they aren’t the right one for you.
As you get to know your new partner, you will feel more comfortable, and you may find it easier to broach the subject. They may be initially shocked at your news, and it could take time for them to adjust to the situation. On the other hand, they may be very accepting of your history and the way you look. They may also have experienced something similar in their past, so will offer support.
Many women return to having a normal sex life after undergoing treatment for breast cancer, but some women still experience sexual problems. Changing the way in which you view your body and how you have sex can help. If you continue to have sexual problems, it is important to seek help from a suitable healthcare professional, who may recommend counselling or couples’ therapy.
At Jo Divine we believe that sexual health and sexual pleasure go hand in hand and have created a health brochure with suitable products to help people with sexual issues. Working with medical and other healthcare professionals, we hope to encourage patients and HCPs alike to talk more freely about sexual problems. A health issue doesn’t mean your sex life will have to stop!
Breast cancer doesn’t just affect women but men too. They also experience many of the psychological and physical symptoms and side effects from treatment and surgery that women do. There are about 350 men diagnosed each year in the UK, compared with around 50,000 cases of breast cancer in women. The symptoms, diagnosis and treatment are all very similar to women with breast cancer. but it isn’t often talked about, and many men struggle to get the same support that women do.
Male Breast Cancer coalition offers help, support and advice to men who have or have had breast cancer and their families : malebreastcancercoalition.org
Macmillan also has a booklet – Understanding breast cancer in men
Helpful blogs
There are some remarkable women blogging about their experience of breast cancer and these are just 2 of my favourites who offer practical advice to the many women who have breast cancer.
The fabulous Jo Taylor who created ABC Diagnosis to support primary and secondary breast cancer patients, help them make informed choices with information and up-to-date news on treatments, breast surgeries, consultants, hospital and useful links.
Jo Taylor has also been involved in the creation of METUPUK the first support group to help those with secondary/metastatic breast cancer.
Dr Liz O’Riordan and Woman of the Year
Liz is a former breast surgeon who has had breast cancer and gives TEDx talks to educate healthcare professionals, other women and their partners. She has also written a really informative book with Professor Trisha Greenhalgh who has also had breast cancer book – The Complete Guide to Breast Cancer: How to Feel Empowered and Take Control. She recommends having a bag of tricks including silicone dilators, a small vibrator and YES organic lubricants and vaginal moisturisers to help regain sexual function and to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure.
Liz has also written her memoir, Under the Knife
Sara Liyanage was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 42 and created TickingOffBreastCancer to help other women, their partners, family, friends and work colleagues navigate their way through this journey and beyond, offering practical advice, useful websites and resources. She has also written a book Ticking Off Breast Cancer
Podcasts
Samantha has been invited to join several podcasts about cancer, menopause and sex which you can find here
Don’t Ignore The Elephant with Dr Liz O’Riordan
RadChat with Naman Julka Anderson and Jo McNamara
Menopause and Cancer with Dani Binnington and Dr Charlotte Gooding
Helpful Reading
Dr Kathleen Thompson has documented her journey through having breast cancer in her book, offering advice, tips which can help so many other women negotiate the changes to their life both physically and mentally that having a diagnosis of breast cancer can bring. She has written about the dos and don’ts of her treatment, things that she wished she had said or done, things she did say and do and how she became an expert, as do so many people when they have a cancer diagnosis.
From Both Ends of the Stethoscope: Getting through breast cancer-by a doctor who knows – Dr Kathleen Thompson, published by Faito Books (4 Jan. 2016) available on kindle and in paperback
Useful Websites and Support Groups
Breast Cancer Care : www.breastcancercare.org.uk
Breast Cancer Chat WorldWide :@bccww
Breast Cancer Chat Ireland :@bccire
Young Womens Breast Cancer blogspot : www.youngwomensbreastcancerblog.blogspot.co.uk
Pink Ribbon Foundation : www.pinkribbonfoundation.org.uk
CoppaFeel : www.coppafeel.org
Prevent Breast Cancer :www.preventbreastcancer.org.uk
Asian Breast Cancer : www.bmecancer.com
Make 2nds Count: www.make2ndscount.co.uk
Trekstock :www.trekstock.com
The Daisy Network :www.daisynetwork.org.uk
The Dovecote:www.thedovecote.org
Fertility and Cancer : www.cancerandfertility.co.uk
Queer Menopause : www.queermenopause.com
College of Sex and Relationship Therapists : www.cosrt.org.uk
Jennifer Young : www.beautydespitecancer.co.uk
RecoBra : www.recoheart.com/recobra-story
LoveMeAndMySecret :www.lovemeandmysecret.com
HipHeadWear : www.hipheadwear.co.uk
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy:https://pogp.csp.org.uk/
SimPal : www.yoursimpal.com
There is a generalised assumption that when you go to university, the curriculum centres on over-indulging on sex and alcohol. While this isn’t necessary for many students, in 2014 it was reported that the dating app Tinder, renowned for casual hook-ups, found that 50% of its users were aged 18-24, and were based at university. In 2014, the Student Beans survey revealed that 51% of the of 6,129 student participants admitted to having one night stands, which could arguably be linked to this more casual approach to sex in younger people.
However , are attitudes changing among younger people? A study by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, published in the the British Medical Journal (2019), found that regular sexual activity between couples is on the decline. Less than half of men and women in the UK aged 16-44 years old have sex at least once a week.
Does having more sex necessarily mean good sex and are younger people especially those with a vagina having less sex because they no longer will put up with bad sex? Some people today may feel less pressured into sex they don’t want to have, thanks to changing genders and growing awareness of diverse sexual orientations, including asexuality
According to the 2015 Hexjam Student Sex Survey, with just under 6,000 participants, the highest recorded level of sexual satisfaction came from students at London South Bank University, with 80% of participants stating that they had a happy sex life. The university ranked in at 18th place for average sexual partners with 6.21.
However, 57 of the 94 universities that participated reported that less than 50% of their students were content with their sexcapades. The lowest recorded level of satisfaction was a mere 4.76% of students studying at the University of West Scotland, with an average of 3.73 partners coming in at 75th place.
Furthermore, the Student Beans study found that 57% of people with a vulva and 47% of British students with a penis regretted having sex with someone; this could be linked to the scarily high numbers of students having unprotected sex, with 51% of vulva owners and 61% of people with a penis admitting to having had sex without using contraception.
It could be argued that this means that quality of sex isn’t intrinsically linked to the amount of partners people have had: while Leeds Beckett University were top for the average number of sexual partners with 8.45 per participant, they only came in at 83 for sexual satisfaction with 27.27%.
The 2012 National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that there had been a significant drop in the amount of times 16-44 year olds were having sex, with less tha half (41%) having had sex at least once a week in the last month, predicting that by 2040 the average person won’t be having sex at all. This could explain the high numbers of younger people being unsatisfied with their sex lives!
Although a low libido is attributed to older people, the classic student lifestyle could be contributing to a lowered sex drive. Busy schedules, a lack of sleep, side effect to medication, anxiety, stress, financial worries and a poor diet can all contribute to a lack of want to have sex, but being intimate with a partner can actually lead to better health and wellbeing.
Sex and regular masturbation can reduce stress, lower your blood pressure, burn calories and improve heart health just for starters! It can also strengthen your relationship by increasing intimacy levels, lending to overall increased happiness. Now that can’t be a bad thing!
Masturbation is good for your sexual health and pleasure, it is the first step into enjoying a pleasurable, healthy sex life and discovering different sexual sensations and enjoying regular orgasms. According to TENGA 2018 Global Self-Pleasure Report not everyone masturbates or has tried masturbation.They found 87% of 18-24 year olds had masturbated, with 52% do it at least weekly, with an average 5.3 times per week. 29% do it a few times a month, 7% a few times per year, and 12% “not regularly.” Of those who masturbate, gay and bisexual individuals are 20 percent more likely to masturbate weekly than heterosexual individuals. There is no normal amount of times to masturbate, whatever feels pleasurable and comfortable for you. Knowing what works for you is a great way to show a partner too.
People masturbate for a variety of reasons including sexual pleasure, to relax, help them sleep, relieve pain, alleviate stress and to improve their performance.
Consent is essential in any relationship or casual encounter so ask, do not assume they are agreeing to what you are doing or enjoying it. Remember NO means no, maybe can mean no, and they can change their mind at any point, as can you.
Launched by the Family Planning Association (FPA) Sexual Health Week (2018) was all about consent, a topic that underpins all their work on relationships, sexual health and wellbeing with the message that consent is about much more than saying “no” – it’s about giving an enthusiastic “yes”.
Their survey of 2000 people found that less than 50% thought it was ok to withdraw consent once you were naked, dropping to a worryingly 39% for young people aged 14-17. Only 13% of people said they would be most likely to discuss issues of consent with a partner and 45% of young people aged 18-24 learnt about consent from TV and film, along with 37% of those aged 14-17.
University is a great time to experiment sexually, and younger people need to realise the importance of communicating with a partner if something isn’t working for them. In short, stop putting up with bad sex!
Explore each other’s bodies in different ways; introducing sex toys into your sex play can be a fun way to learn about your own needs, too. Sex toys aren’t always intimidating- you don’t have to start off with the biggest sex toy you can find. Only choose skin safe sex toys, avoid jelly, latex and rubber products. Be aware of where and who you are buying them from as there are many fake and used products available online!
Using a simple bullet vibrator is a great way to enjoy orgasms alone or during couples’ play
Using a discreet toy such as the Rocks-Off R0 90mm bullet is great as it can be used during sex. The unassuming clitoral stimulator has a sleek design that means it can slip between you and your partner during sex, meaning that you can share the scintillating vibrations together! Or try the Screaming O Charged Vooom. Being rechargeable makes it environmentally friendly and you don’t need to worry about the batteries running out either.
Cock rings, also known as Love Rings, are also a great way to introduce sex toys into your sex play, and are a really diverse product. Vibrating cock rings such as the Screaming O Charged Combo provide extra clitoral stimulation and vibrations to share for steamy sessions. It offers three in one with the vibrating cock ring and a bullet vibrator, so you can use the ring with or without the bullet and the bullet with the ring or on its own.
If vibes aren’t for you there are cock rings such as the Rocks-Off Rudy Rings will make your erection bigger, harder and last longer, pleasurable for both you and your partner. Remember that constriction rings should not be worn for longer than 30 minutes. If you do experience performance anxiety it may be worth seeking psychosexual therapy.
Do not be tempted to use DIY sex toys because you may end up with a sex injury and an embarrassing visit to A&E!
Lots of younger people don’t realise that they need to use lubricants. While porn and some TV shows suggest that a person with a vulva is fully aroused as soon as their takes her clothes off for sex, this is not the case! You can feel aroused but not well lubricated.
Your level of vaginal lubrication is affected by hormonal changes, side effects of medication, such as antidepressants, antihistamines, the contraceptive pill, stress and anxiety
Lubricants are often associated with older people, but they can actually make sex feel more pleasurable and last longer as a lubricant such as Yes Water Based Organic Lubricant imitates a person’s natural wetness so any discomfort should be alleviated.
Flavoured lubricants are a great addition to oral sex but avoid using them for penetration as they may cause vaginal irritation.
Do not be tempted to use an product from your kitchen cupboard or bathroom cabinet as these have not been designed for intimate use, they will disrupt vagina pH and cause irritation or even an infection. Just because a product is slippery does not it is good for your sex play!
This also applies to anal sex, many people experience anal irritation because of poor ingredients so choose an anal lubricant that is skin safe and do not use anything that has not been designed for anal play.
In 2019 the Student Room, the world largest student forum, performed a study on sexual activity among students and found that more than half of sexually active students have never been tested for sexually transmitted infections, despite 63% admitting to engaging in unprotected sex.
In 2017 statistics from Public Health England (PHE) showed that a case of chlamydia or gonorrhoea is diagnosed in a young person every 4 minutes in England. They found those aged 16-24 are most at risk of contracting an STI, and over half the reported cases of gonorrhoea and chlamydia in 2016 were in those aged 16-24.
Following their online survey at Kingston University (2017), they found that 80% of their students have never been tested for an STI.
Even though sexual health services have been drastcially cut by 75% making access less easy all university campuses offer sexual health services so there is no excuse and if you do not feel comfortable having a test done in clinic you can request a home testing kit.
HPV ( human papillomavirus) is a very common group of viruses. Some types of HPV can cause genital warts or cancer as it can be transmitted orally, anally and vaginally and sharing sex toys. Often people are not aware they have it because it usually doesn’t have any symptoms. It usually goes away without treatment, however if you notice symptoms such as gential warts seek medical advice. Although the HPV immunisation is being offered in schools to young teens aged 12-13 years people may have missed their vaccination or were never vaccinated. If you missed it you can get it for free on the NHS up until your 25th birthday and men who have sex with men (MSM) up to 45 years of age can also have it too. You can also pay privately to be immunised.
Whether enjoying oral sex on a vulva or on a penis it is important to use a condom or dental dam to protect yourself from transmission of STIs and HPV. According to Cancer Research UK 73% of oropharyngeal cancer cases in Europe are HPV-positive. Oropharyngeal, tonsil, and base of tongue cancer risk is higher in people with more past sexual partners (particularly oral sex partners), people who started having sex at a younger age, and men who have ever had sexual contact with men (base of the tongue only).
Safe sex is a big issue for many universities and students, but some people don’t realise that condoms are available in different sizes, as well as textures and flavours, to accommodate people with a penis of all proportions.
Skins condoms come in different sizes and textures too
Remember: a condom shouldn’t be too tight or too loose as this will be uncomfortable and unsafe. Getting the right fit will make sex feel so much better! Often people find they experience condom related erection problems because they are using a condom that is unsuitable for them.
Any oil based products will damage the condoms so do not feel tempted to use olive oil, baby oil, vaseline or any oil based product. Choose a water based lubricant or silicone lubricant
Some people think they are allergic to latex condoms but it is often the ingredients in the lubricant on the condom or it isn’t well lubricated and causes friction. It can also be the ingredients in the lubricant you are using too.
STIs are not worth the risk of having sex without a condom. With most universities offer free condoms via clinics or student lead organisations, what’s the excuse? It’s much more sensible to stay safe!
If you do think you may have been exposed or have had unprotected sex, get checked as some STIs have no symptoms.
STI treatment currently costs the NHS £620m a year and young people, particularly men, have been identified by the Department of Health and Social Care as an ‘at risk’ group for these types of infections. We can save the NHS so much money if we can encourage everyone to use a condom by choosing the right one for their needs.
If you are experiencing pain during sex, anal or vaginally don’t ignore it! Painful sex is not pleasurable sex. Lack of lubrication makes sex feel painful, so use a good lube as mentioned above.
If penetration feels uncomfortable due to tightness this could be a common condition called Vaginismus, which means inserting anything vaginally, even a tampon, is painful or almost impossible.
Vaginismus can often be experienced during your first time having penetrative sex, but luckily it is a treatable condition. Seeking medical advice is strongly recommended, working with a pelvic health phsyiotherapist and psychsosexual therapist in combination with using silicone dilators, skins afe lubricants and/or a slim vibrator can really help.
Using a petite vibrator, such as Slinky Pinky, externally first will help you to relax, gradually enabling for internal use. Use plenty of lubricant to prevent further discomfort, and over time penetrative sex and sex play will be possible.
If anal sex feel painful, ensure you prepare your body by using an anal toy before any play, a good sexual lubricant and take it slowly.
In recent years we have been deluged with hundreds of feminine hygiene products, vulva make up, detox sticks and bags, vagina tightening products, perfumed condoms, poor sexual lubricants, CBD tampons and sexual lubricants and vaginal moisturisers that women are bombarded with from well known brands, celebrities, influencers, high street shops, online websites and beauty brands. The myth that our vaginas need to be scoured, scrubbed, disinfected, detoxed, tightened and smell of roses or lavender needs to be debunked.
Many vagina owners do experience a myriad of vagina health issues, from itching, soreness, discharge, vaginal dryness and vaginal atrophy, the majority of which should be diagnosed and treated by your GP. Many are too embarrassed to speak to their GP and it is all too easy to turn to the heaving shelves on the high street in well known retailers and online to buy a product they think will alleviate their symptoms. However some have no idea the products they are using are actually contributing to their symptoms, exacerbating them and prolonging their existence.
So ditch any feminine hygiene products as your vagina is self cleaning and you simply do not need them, switch to pH balanced sexual lubricants free from irritating ingredients inclduing glycerin, glycols, parabens, dyes, perfumes and glitter – no one needs a glittery or rose scented vagina or vulva! If you notice any discharge, fishy smell or abnormal bleeding, seek medical advice to get the right diagnosis and treatment. Reaching for a product on the shelf in the high street or supermarket will not help, it is more likely to exacerbate or mask your symptoms.
Terrence Higgins Trust ( August 2020) have recently published much-needed guidance on having sex while managing the risk of COVID-19 as the coronavirus pandemic and resulting social distancing continues. In partnership with sexual health clinic 56 Dean Street they found that 84% of people had not had sex with anyone outside their immediate household and with some restrictions still in place but slowly lifting it is not feasible to continue to ask people to refrain from having sex.
While stating that it is best that someone in your household is the best partner, the new guidance includes practical advice like sticking with one partner or as few partners as possible. It’s also clear that if either person is feeling unwell, then they shouldn’t have sex. Also wear a mask, avoid kissing, have sex in positions that avoid face to face contact, as well as using condoms or dams for oral sex and rimming. Strict hand washing should be adhered to.
They also strongly recommend getting a sexual health checkup before recommending having sex again, either at a sexual health clinic, some are offering face to face appointments or doing a free home test kit which are available by post.
Whatever you do when you get to university or college, you can improve your sex life and take charge of your sexual health by getting consent, practising safe sex, getting tested regularly, thinking carefully about who you are having sex with, following sex and covid- 19 advice and exploring new ways to enjoy pleasurable sex, whoever you are, whatever your sexual orientation.
]]>Surging in popularity after Gwyneth Paltrow touted their benefits, Jade eggs, also known as yoni eggs, are egg shaped gemstones, can be made from rose quartz and are designed for vaginal insertion, supposedly offering a range of health benefits. These include balancing your hormones, regulating menstrual cycles, preventing uterine prolapse, exercising your pelvic floor muscles, restoring your energy, boosting your sex life and increasing bladder control.
Many people tout that they have been used for over 5000 years within Chinese culture yet according to a report published in Female Pelvic Medicine & Reconstructive Surgery (2019). a team of researchers reviewed more than 5,000 jade objects from Chinese art and archaeology collections to explore the merits behind this claim and did not find one single vaginal egg to support their use in ancient Chinese culture. They concluded that it was a modern marketing myth!
There is a pervading myth that products deemed to be “natural” are good for you, can be helpful and cannot harm your health in any way, yet this simply is not true.
Arsenic, mercury and foxglove (digitalis), all found in nature, are all highly toxic, even deadly.
The problem with jade is that it is porous so it absorbs bacteria, making it impossible to clean, therefore leading to infection such as thrush and bacterial vaginosis.
Some people promote wearing your jade egg at night but this is not recommended, we do not recommend wearing tampons or menstrual cups (both either disposable or easy to clean non porous silicone) for more than 12 hours and the same goes for a jade egg. It may also get stuck inside your vagina, making it difficult to retrieve leading to scratches or abrasions on the walls of the vagina.
Eggs on strings also pose another infection risk, especially if the string material is not easy to clean or porous such as leather or cord.
Using a jade egg will not strengthen your pelvic floor muscles (PC muscles). In fact, it could lead to pelvic floor dysfunction, making the muscles tighten and penetration painful.
When you do pelvic floor exercises, you contract and release your PC muscles, not just contract them, something you have to do wearing a jade egg. Constantly contracting your PC muscles is akin to doing half a bicep curl and not finishing it.
If you want to strengthen your pelvic floor, learn how to exercise your PC muscles correctly, we recommend seeing a pelvic health physiotherapist who can teach you how to do the exercises properly.
Knowing how to correctly exercise your pelvic floor muscles can help urinary incontinence, prolapse and even make your orgasms feel stronger.
You can also use pelvic floor exercisers such as Lelo Luna Balls, OhMiBod Flex, Fun Factory FunBalls or Lelo Luna Smart Bead.
The Mystim range of products not only work as vibrators but also offer a pelvic floor training programme too.
All these products will not do the exercises for you but prompt you to exercise your pelvic floor, something that many people find helpful. All these products are made from skin safe silicone which is non porous, really easy to clean and very unlikely to cause infection or irritation.
Balancing your hormones, regulating your cycle and restoring energy have no scientific background, any short term benefits that some women feel is as a result of the placebo effect. This is potentially harmful due to the risk of infection and the recommended uses. If you think your hormone or menstrual cycle are impacting upon your health or you just feel tired all the time, seek medical advice. A simple blood test may identify the problem which might require medication or dietary changes. Sticking a porous egg inside your vagina will not.
If you are struggling to orgasm, it is taking longer or feels less pleasurable, take time to get to know your body through masturbation, explore your clitoris with a mirror, use a good pH balanced sexual lubricant and gently touch yourself, experiment with different touch techniques, try a simple bullet vibrator or clitoral stimulator which offers different sexual stimulation and talk to your partner, show them what works for you and how you like to be touched.
There may be a health reason why you are struggling to orgasm such as side effects to medication, medical conditions, hormonal changes, stress, anxiety or medical/surgical interventions which is why seeking medical advice is important.
Jade eggs or yoni eggs are a modern marketing myth, designed to relieve you of money, not any of the health issues above. So if you want stronger pelvic floor muscles, see a pelvic health physio, if you want to restore your energy, balance your hormones or menstrual cycle, see a medical professional and if you want better orgasms, invest in a high quality skin safe sex toy!
]]>While it’s important to keep on top of your sexual health all year round, it is especially important to do so during the summer months.
Although there will be no festival fun this year, many people will be itching to get away and may get swept up in the spirit of things after lockdown especially if they have been parted from their loved one for months or are hooking up with a new partner they have met and dated online. However, keeping on track of your sexual health in the summer is easier than you may think.
A recent Superdrug survey (2016) found that the top concern for women was that their partner wouldn’t use a condom during sex, while men’s top concern was that their partner had an STI.
According to the Family Planning Association (2016), chlamydia is the most common bacterial STI in the UK, accounting for nearly half of all reported cases of sexually transmitted infections in 2015. Chlamydia often symptomless, and if left untreated it can lead to fertility issues for both men and women later on in life.
It has also been found that cases of syphilis have reached their highest levels since 1949. According to data from Public Health England (PHE), reported cases of the bacterial infection have skyrocketed since 2012. Syphilis is more prevalent in men engaging in same sex encounters, and 420,000 cases were reported in 2016.
To protect yourself from STIs whatever your age, you need to use a condom, and for safe oral sex use a dental dam. When using a dental dam, do not flip it over to use on the other side as this can spread infections. It’s also important to get regular STI checks at your local Family Planning Clinic or GUM Clinic, even if you are practicing safe sex, as a precaution.
Now is a great time to take an STI test, you can get tested at a sexual health clinic who are now offering more appointments or order a home testing kit, to do in the privacy of your own home.
While many people assume that because condoms are stretchy you can just buy any size, getting the right condom sizing is really important. If a condom is too small it’s going to hurt, and if it’s too big it’s going to fall off, leading to a risk in pregnancy and exposure to STIs.
“SKINS condoms :sexual-health/condoms come in a range of sizes and styles to accommodate for everyone, so getting the right fit is easier than you may think.
If you are going on holiday, remember to take your contraception with you. However, if you do accidentally forget to pack your pill or condoms, there is a new service available called Gynopedia, an online resource. Recently set up by Lana Fried, it provides travellers with access to sexual and reproductive health advice while abroad, and it even has a rating system of the best clinics to visit.
Having a post-sex pee and keeping hydrated are good ways to prevent that dreaded UTI/cystitis, but unfortunately it is a much more common occurrence in the summer months.
Dehydration is more prevalent in the summer as some people are unable to up their water intake to compensate for the amount of water they lose via sweat, so ensure that you are drinking more water. An easy way to keep on top of this is keeping a water bottle in your bag as a reminder to drink more.
Nothing beats a nice cold cider or beer when barbecue season hits, however it is important that you regularly have a glass of water in between your alcoholic beverages to avoid becoming dehydrated.
If you’re going somewhere where there’s a pool, make sure you dry yourself properly or change out of your damp swimsuit after a few laps. This is because the increase in temperature is the perfect environment for bacteria to grow in the genital area. A warm, damp environment will encourage the growth of E-coli, which is responsible for 80% of UTI cases.
The summer heat can also make us a little more sweaty in the genital area, which again can create the perfect environment for E-coli to flourish. To combat this, switch to cotton underwear, go commando or regularly change your knickers.
Going commando is also beneficial for men too. Many men, especially those who exercise frequently, can develop intertrigo, a form of contact dermatitis. Fungal infections flourish in warm, damp conditions, so sweaty boxers are the perfect environment for fungi to thrive. Going commando, therefore, is a quick fix solution to prevent this from developing.
The hot weather can sometimes have us feeling a little frisky, however sometime fantasies can actually compromise your sexual health.
The idea of having sex on the beach can be a real turn on for a lot of people, but sometimes sex doesn’t always go to plan! Having sex on a towel that is too small, or having sex in certain positions, may result in small amount of sand entering your vagina.
While there is nothing medically unsafe about sand in your vagina, it can be a bit of a discomfort and you may be tempted to douche. However, this could do more harm than good as you will upset the vaginal flora which could lead to infections such as thrush.
The vagina is a self-cleaning organ, and so any sand inside your vagina will come out naturally along with your vaginal discharge, which also helps to flush away old cells. It might also be a good idea to avoid having sex until the sand is gone, as the friction could cause tiny tears in the vaginal walls leading to issues later on.
Another place that people often fantasise about having sex in is in a hot tub, however if it is poorly maintained it may contain bacteria, which can also cause thrush.
When travelling or going to a festival, don’t leave your lubricants behind! Do not be tempted to use a producst not designed for sex play.
When travelling by plane, be sure to check the hand luggage restrictions regarding liquids. YES organic lubricant is available in handy travel-sized tubes, and the Intro Pack is especially handy for travelling. Make sure you pack your lubricants in a clear plastic bag as per the hand luggage regulations. The YES products come in handy 50ml//100ml tubes and single use applicators
If you are on holiday and want to get frisky in the sea or a swimming pool, you may not realise that the water can actually wash away your natural vaginal lubrication, which can make penetration difficult and uncomfortable.
To combat this, you could apply some ID Velvet silicone lubricant prior to entering the water, as this is less likely to wash away than any other type of lubricant as it sits on the skin’s surface. Alternatively, you could enjoy a decent amount of foreplay underwater and then relocate to your hotel room for some indulgent holiday fun. It comes in handy 50ml/30ml bottles so ideal for travelling.
Taking your favourite sex toys along on your holiday can be a tempting idea, but different countries have different laws regarding sex toys. For instance, sex toys are prohibited in India, the United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia. Illegal items may be confiscated upon arrival, so to avoid any disappointment make sure you get clued up before you go.
If you’re taking a sex toy in your carry-on luggage, make sure the batteries are removed or the travel lock is on, and you may wish to store it in a clear, labelled bag. This way, if your bag does go through a security check, then there will be no confusion as to what your little gadget really is. You may also want to consider taking a smaller product with you to avoid any embarrassment: a bullet vibrator is a lot less conspicuous than a big vibrator!
If you’re planning on taking any cleaning products with you, make sure that the spray or cleaning fluid adheres to the liquid regulations and is placed in a clear bag.
There is a lot of pressure in the media to be “Beach Body Ready” and to attain the perfect summer figure, but a little mindfulness can go a long way. If you are suffering with body image issues, read up on the topic and research the different ways in which you can overcome these feelings of anxiety.
Treating your body with respect can be great for both your physical and mental health. Take up some gentle exercise such as yoga or even going for a daily walk, make healthy food choices and stay hydrated. As long as you feel good in your own skin and feel healthy, then it doesn’t really matter what other people think about your appearance.
From bikini hang-ups to lost luggage or travelling with small children, holidays can be a little stressful for all manner of reasons. Beating the holiday stress and allowing yourself to unwind will do wonders for your wellbeing too.
]]>All people between the ages of 25 and 64 who have a cervix – including lesbian and bisexual women, trans men and nonbinary people – need to go for regular cervical screening tests (formally called ‘smear tests’). To be invited for cervical screening you need to be registered with a GP, who needs to have your current address on file.
These are some useful tips to encourage you to attend your cervical screening appointment by making it easier and more comfortable to have your smear test especially if you experience vaginal dryness, vaginal atrophy, vaginal tightness, menopausal symptoms, post cancer treatment, post op scarring, vulval or vaginal pain or genital skin issues including lichens sclerosus, you may have had a less than pleasant experience during a previous smear test, you have experience sexual trauma or are LGBTQ+.
Firstly if you have any concerns or worries, ask to speak to the practice nurse or your GP and let them know how you feel.
You can ask your GP or practice nurse to prescribed local oestrogen in the form of a pessary, cream or ring that you use several weeks prior to your appointment. If you are concerned about using HRT, topical/local oestrogen gets absorbed locally into the walls of the vagina, not the bloodstream. The dose of all these preparations is very tiny, for example, using Vagifem, a pessary, twice a week is the equivalent of taking 1 HRT tablet each year. It replaces the depleting oestrogen in the walls of the vagina, helping it to become more flexible and healthier too.
You need to stop using your local oestrogen 2 days prior to the smear test.
Some people who have had breast cancer may be able to use local oestrogen so speak to your oncologist or GP.
In addition to or as an alternative to local oestrogen using a good pH balanced vaginal moisturiser can help when used several times each week. Alway check the ingredients because many well known vaginal moisturisers, including products available on prescription, contain irritating ingredients, such as glycerin, glycols and parabens. I recommend and personally use YES vaginal moisturiser x 2 weekly.
Using medical or silicone dilators or a slim sex toy with a pH balanced lubricant can help to gently stretch the tissues opening up the vagina which will make insertion of the speculum feel more comfortable.
Vaginal speculums come in different sizes so ask your practice nurse to use the smallest one, they can order one for your appointment if they do not have small ones, some women even buy their own online, not that you should have to do this though.
You can ask to insert the speculum yourself, going at your own pace and finding a comfortable position for you.
There seems to be confusion about using lubricant because it may affect the sample, however I’ve asked a consultant in sexual medicine and several practice nurses including my own who said they all use a water based lubricant and would never attempt to do a smear test without it.
You can also take your own water based lubricant to use too. I take YES organic water based lubricant. SUTIL Luxe is another suitable water based lubricant you can use too. As long as the lubricant is used only along the shaft of the speculum and is kept away from the end of the speculum where the sample is being taken it should be fine.
Any nurse/GP who refuses to use lubricant, just refuse to have your smear test. No lubricant, no smear test!
Some people find it more comfortable to raise their pelvis by putting their hands under their bottom, it is just a matter of trying different positions to find one that is comfortable for you.
If it feels painful, ask them to stop immediately. Do not allow them multiple attempts as this will cause more anxiety and can lead to constriction of the muscles of the vagina making insertion of the speculum difficult or not possible. From experience I now know there is only one practice nurse I will allow to do my smear test so ask the practice if there is someone else who may be better suited to doing your smear test.
If not, you can ask to be referred to a specialist genital /vulval pain clinic to have your smear taken. Many NHS Trusts offer specialist women’s health clinics designed to ensure you are able to have a cervical screening safely and without pain.
Anyone who may have experienced trauma, female genital mutilation or abuse can be referred to a specialist clinic as mentioned above. Many specialist clinics offer counselling and psychosexual therapy so it is important to talk to your GP. My Body Back Project runs clinics in London and Glagow for those who have experienced sexual violence and for trans men. You can find a list of specialist FGM clinics across the UK on the NHS website.
Many people in the LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) community choose sexual health clinics over gynaecology services for screening as they tend to be more openly inclusive and prepared to cater to different needs. Specialist trans services like CliniQ in London and Clinic T in Brighton offer cervical screening.
On a practical note, women who have a disability may not be able to access the room/clinic, get up onto the examination couch or position themselves comfortably due to limited mobility or pain so adaptations need to be in place, such as home testing which is done in some areas of the UK or being referred to a specialist clinic as mentioned above.
Jo Trust has leaflets in different languages that can be downloaded by people or by healthcare professionals too.
Researchers have developed a non-invasive test to detect cervical pre-cancer by analysing urine and vaginal samples collected by people themselves which could transfom the way in which screening is done and encourage more people to attend their appointment.
“The initial use of self-sampling is likely to be for women who do not attend clinic after a screening invitation and in countries without a cervical cancer screening programme. In the longer term, self-sampling could become the standard method for all screening tests. The study indicated that women much preferred doing a test at home than attending a doctor’s surgery,” said Dr Nedjai, who is Senior Research Fellow and Director of the Molecular Epidemiology Lab at Queen Mary University of London, UK. (National Cancer Research Institute Nov 2019)
I hope you find these tips useful and will encourage you to attend your cervical screening appointment as it could save your life.
Useful websites
Jo’s Trust: www.jostrust.org.uk
Eve Appeal : www.eveappeal.org.uk
The Daisy Network (charity for premature ovarian insufficiency): www.daisynetwork.org.uk
British Menopause Society: thebms.org.uk
Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology: www.rcog.org.uk
Menopause Support: menopausesupport.co.uk
Dr Louise Newson, menopause specialist: www.menopausedoctor.co.uk
CliniQ: www.cliniq.org.uk
My Body Back : www.mybodybackproject.com
National FGM Support Clinic
LGBT Foundation
As a sex toy retailer who only sells skin safe sex toys and sexual lubricants we often spend time advising people about why the products they are using as a sexual lubricant or sex toy are not suitable because many can cause allergic reactions and irritation.
However there are many other reasons why you may think you’re allergic to sex.
From vulval/vaginal/penile/anal irritation, swollen or inflamed genitals, burning, itching or stinging, hives, thrush or bacterial vaginosis, it is important to seek medical advice.
A ”sex allergy”, as such, does not really exist, however an allergic reaction can frequently occurs as a result of using some lubricants and vaginal moisturisers, alternatives to lubricants, condoms, sex toys, DIY sex toys, feminine hygiene products and even semen. This is why it is important to rule out a latex or lubricant allergy and only use high quality products from trusted brands designed for sex play.
If you notice your genitals swelling or feeling irritated during or after sex, it may be due to a sperm allergy. You may even notice redness or itching around your mouth after oral sex too. Known as seminal plasma hypersensitivity it is more common that many people think. A study by the University of Cincinnati published in the Mount Sinai Journal of Medicine (2011) found that around 40,000 women in the USA might have a hypersensitivity to one or more of the protein components in human semen.
Treatment is effective in the form of using condoms, desensitizing the vagina with dilutions of seminal fluid or subcutaneous desensitization using seminal plasma proteins from the woman’s sexual partner.
You may not be allergic to semen but to the components of semen. The food and drink a person ingests passes into their bodily fluids including semen so it may be an allergic reaction to food or drink or even a side effect from medication your sexual partner is taking.
It was reported in BMJ Case Reports ( 8th March 2019) that a woman in Spain was diagnosed with anaphylaxis — a severe, whole-body allergic reaction that can be life-threatening after oral sex with her partner. He had been taking a course of the antibiotic amoxicillin ( part of the penicillin family of antibiotics) for an ear infection. After receiving treament the woman later told doctors that she had a penicillin allergy. There are few studies on how much drugs accumulate in men’s semen, but in theory, amoxicillin could become quite concentrated in semen, according to the authors.
Latex allergy, caused by exposure to latex condoms, is probably the most common cause of allergic reactions during sex. Allergic reactions to latex could affect either partner coming into exposure with the latex condom.
Symptoms may include localized itching, burning, and rash, or could involve more severe symptoms, including hives, asthma symptoms, and anaphylaxis. Often these symptoms occur within seconds to minutes of latex exposure, although contact dermatitis to latex occurs many hours after latex exposure and involves itchy, blistering skin only at the site of latex exposure.
Some people often assume they have a latex allergy when they are allergic to the ingredients in the lubricant or spermicide. Some condoms are also perfumed to mask the smell of the material they are made from which can cause irritation.
Statistics show that more than 6% of the general population have a latex/rubber allergy, rising to 10% in healthcare workers.
People who are predisposed to allergic health conditions such as asthma, hay fever, eczema and food allergies are more likely to be at risk of developing a latex allergy. In addition to healthcare workers, those working in rubber manufacturing and people who have undergone multiple surgical operations and invasive procedures are also more likely to be sensitive to latex.
You do not have to give up on your sex life because there are many latex free sex toys, condoms and sexual accessories which are skin safe and hypo-allergenic but it is important to buy from a reputable retailer or manufacturer.
Some people who are allergic to dairy products can experience an allergic reaction when using certain condoms because of the use of Casein, a protein milk used to make latex smooth – or the dry dusting powder that makes condoms less sticky. Vegan condoms are a great alternative to use instead.
Using a sexual lubricant is the simplest way to enhance your sexual intimacy and pleasure yet some people think using lubricant is just for fixing a problem. They prefer not to use a sexual lubricant even though our vaginal lubrication changes throughout the month due to our hormones, menopause, side effects to medication, breastfeeding, medical interventions and stress. This lack of vaginal lubrication can lead to friction during penetrative sex, irritation and even thrush.
The anus is not self lubricating which is why it is important to use a pH balanced lubricant such as YES BUT designed for anal play to prevent irritation or allergic reaction.
Many people are careful about what they eat and what beauty products they use on their face, hair and body, often spending £100’s. However, few think about what their sexual lubricant contains, even though they’re putting it on one of the most sensitive and highly absorbent areas of their body: their clitoris and vagina.
The vast majority of sexual lubricants and vaginal moisturisers, including many well known brands available on the high street and online contain irritating ingredients that can leave your vulva and vagina feeling itchy, sore, red and inflamed and even cause thrush or bacterial vaginosis.
The vagina is often referred to being a “well oiled engine”, as it is a self-lubricating organ. It also has a very delicate pH balance, so introducing ingredients found in many commercially available sexual lubricants can actually do more harm than good. This is also a common occurrence when people use household products as a lubricant substitute
By upsetting the vagina’s pH balance, also known as the “vaginal flora”, common vaginal infections such as thrush and Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) can develop. This is because the new environment caused by certain lubricants is more favourable for the bacteria or yeast to grow in.
It is so important to avoid products that contain glycerin, glycols, parabens, warming and cooling lubricants, flavoured lubes (great for oral sex, not good for vagina health), dyes and glitter. Often lubricants feel tacky because of the glycerin which can pill into little balls when rubbed. Glycerin is a sugar which creates the perfect environment for thrush to thrive.
Glycols ( propylene glycols) are well known vaginal irritants and found in nearly all sexual lubricants available over the counter and online.
Parabens (methylparabens) are included as preservatives in many cosmetics, personal care and food products to prevent bacterial growth. Being weakly oestrogenic it is best to avoid products which contain them as the vagina and vulva are highly absorbent.
Choose a skin safe pH balanced sexual lubricant or vaginal moisturiser such as YES products, free from all the above mentioned ingredients. Alway check the ingredients label before you buy or ask your GP if they are prescribing a product, do a skin test prior to use and wash off if it causes stinging, itching ,burning or swelling.
The same goes when choosing condoms as many are lubricated with products that contain irritating ingredients.
There seems to be a misconception that if a substance is slippery it’s fine to stick inside your vagina, anus or on your vulva for sex. Many people think by choosing what they think are more natural products for sexual lubricants, they will not experience any problems.
Yet olive oil, vegetable oil, coconut oil and almond oil are not designed for vagina use and can cause irritation and will destroy condoms. Coconut oil and almond oil can be particularly problematic for those who have a tree nut allergy but may not know they do.
The same goes for products found in the bathroom.
A 2 year study at UCLA of 141 sexually active women aged between 18 and 65 (2013) found that those women who reported using oils, such as those found in your kitchen cupboard had a 32% increased risk for yeast infection.
A 2 year study at UCLA of 141 sexually active women aged between 18 and 65 (2013) found that women who used petroleum jelly intravaginally increased their risk for bacterial vaginosis by 22%. Owning a sex toy company we have heard of a wide range of completely unuitable products people use or think are safe to use as a sexual lubricant including vaseline, baby oil, olive oil, Bio oil, sudocream, germolene, butter, margarine, lard, cooking fat!
Some people find warming and cooling lubricants can enhance their sexual pleasure, but it’s important to be cautious about the ingredients. Often the tingling/cooling effect is caused by menthol. Many warming lubricants contain capsaicin, the active component of chilli peppers, which can be extremely damaging to the delicate tissue of the genitals. These products often contain glycerol and alcohol, also detrimental to intimate health.
Many people love flavoured lubricants, especially for oral sex, however they have no place inside the vagina or on the vulva as many contain sweeteners, flavourings and ingredients which can cause thrush and irritation. Your vagina or penis should not taste or smell of strawberries or salted caramel.
If you like flavoured lubricants, keep them for oral sex, wash off after use and switch to a skin safe lubricant free from irrritating ingredients when enjoying vagina/vulval play.
Many people have no idea that some sex toys are made from materials that are harmful to their intimate health. This is why it is so important to buy skin safe sex toys made from only silicone, glass, metal or ABS plastic.
You may think you’ve bagged a cheap sex toy but it won’t be cheap if you end up with an itching vulval or vagina or a bout of thrush and have to buy some anti thrush cream or pessaries or even a prescription for antibiotics if you get bacterial vaginosis!
It is important to buy from a reputable retailer like Jo Divine as there are many fake and used products available online and that is often the reason why they are selling it so cheaply.
Sex toys made from jelly and rubber should be avoided.The material used to make these products has not been clinically tested and can contain unpleasant substances such as phthalates, which are harmful to health and have been banned from children’s toys. Phthalates are used to make plastics and rubber softer to enable it to be moulded and more flexible. Rubber/jelly products are porous and therefore difficult to keep clean unlike non porous silicone, glass, metal and ABS plastic. The material used to make them is more prone to breaking down and degrading over time, making the product unhygienic to use and increase the transmission of infection and bacteria.
Be aware of jelly/rubber mix sex toys, it is one of the cheapest materials around because it can be shaped and dyed to almost any specification. The tell-tale sign of a jelly/rubber sex toy is the strong smell when you open the packaging. Some manufacturers will also use perfume to mask the unpleasant smell of rubber or jelly which can cause irritation or an allergic reaction.
Some sex toys are dyed which can cause irritation or an allergic reaction too.
Tha same goes for latex sex toys and accessories. Many people suffer from latex allergies due to the prevalence of latex found in most condoms and surgical gloves, some dildos, vibrators and bondage products.
When choosing a sex toy, do not assume it is latex free. Many mass produced sex toys are made in factories where the same mould is used for both latex and non latex sex toys. The moulds are not sterilised between factory runs, therefore latex particles can become embedded in the so-called latex free products. Latex dust particles can float around in the factory environment landing on the products being manufactured at the time, thus contaminating them.
This does not occur during the manufacture of silicone sex toys. Most silicone manufacturers only use silicone and can guarantee that their products are completely latex free. At Jo Divine we only sell skin safe sex toys and only work with reputable manufacturers.
It is alway good to be creative with your sex play but not when it comes to sex toys. Whilst it is safe to use kitchen utensils like spatulas, wooden spoons and meat tenderisers for impact play and the bristles of a hairbrush, comb, silk scarves and ribbons for sensate play, using DIY sex toys can damage your sexual health and pleasure and may land you in A&E.
Abrasive/rough foods such as vegetables may cause an irritation or allergic reaction, sugary food products such as syrup, honey, fruit or chocolate spread can cause thrush and sausages/salami based products contain nitrites which are not beneficial to the body.
Household products such as your electric toothbrush, hairbrush handle, facial exfoliator, TV remote, mobile phone, screwdriver handle, glass bottles, metal implements, aerosol cans, elastic bands as constriction rings are not hygienic, can be abrasive and cause irritation or allergic reaction. Also remember they are not easy to clean once you have used them inside your vagina or anus or on your vulva!
Many vagina/vulva owners have no idea that they are destroying their intimate health, friendly bacteria, disrupting vagina pH and sex lives by using feminine hygiene products.
In recent years we have been deluged with hundreds of feminine hygiene products, vulva make up, detox sticks and bags, vagina tightening products, perfumed condoms, scented menstrual products, intimate vagina wahes and douches, poor sexual lubricants and vaginal moisturisers that women are bombarded with from well known brands, celebrities, influencers and beauty brands. The myth that our vaginas need to be scoured, scrubbed, disinfected, detoxed, tightened and smell of roses or lavender needs to be debunked.
Research by the University of Guelp in Canada found that 95% of women use feminine hygiene products in the form of douches, washes, wipes, and lubricants to keep their vagina clean and smell lovely, yet many of these products can be detrimental to vagina health and our sexual pleasure.
They found that women who used gel sanitizers were eight times more likely to have a yeast infection and almost 20 times more likely to have a bacterial infection.
Women using feminine washes or gels were almost 3 ½ times more likely to have a bacterial infection and 2 ½ times more likely to report a urinary tract infection.
Participants using feminine wipes were twice as likely to have a urinary tract infection, and those using lubricants or moisturizers were 2 ½ times as likely to have a yeast infection.
If you care about your vagina/vulva health, want to keep it happy and healthy, save money and enjoy better sexual intimacy and pleasure, then ditch the feminine hygiene products, wash with water and choose a skin safe pH balanced glycerin, glycol, parabens free sexual lubricant or vaginal moisturisers.
Many people find their underwear can cause irritation which can impact upon their sex life. Many men suffer from a form of contact dermatitis called intertrigo, more commonly known as “jock itch”. This is caused by a combination of eczema, a slight fungal infection and irritant such as sweat, all contributing to making the skin feel sore and red.
Those who exercise regularly are more prone to it, especially during the summer months when the weather is warmer as fungi need warm moist conditions to thrive but it can affect all men.
Christopher Eden, Professor of urology at the Royal Surrey County Hospital suggests sticking to underpants made from absorbent materials such as cotton which will soak up sweat and keep it away from the skin to prevent allergies and contact dermatitis. Materials such as silk, nylon and Lycra can exacerbate the problem, especially if they are tight body fitting designs which keep the material and testicles close to the body.
The same goes for our knickers too. Cotton knickers are much better for our intimate health as many synthetic materials contain harsh chemicals which can irritate the tissue of the vulva and even exacerbate/cause thrush. Artificial dyes can cause problems too. Phenylenediamine (PDD), a compound used in black dye is often used in cheaper, poor quality pants, causing skin irritations so choose reputable brands or avoid buying black pants.
It is really important to ditch your underwear at night and even your sleep wear to allow air to circulate around your genitals. Sleeping in the nude is healthier for women as it prevents yeast infections from thriving in warm, moist conditions. Wearing something tight or restrictive prevents air from circulating, causing you to sweat and encouraging thrush to grow.
The same goes for men too. A combination of not showering or bathing frequently and wearing the same pants/pyjamas for several days can lead to fungal infections such as thrush. Men get very sweaty and often scratch themselves, transferring bacteria from their bottom which stay on the pants.
Although it is a good idea to go commando during the summer months, especially when wearing long skirts or dresses, it is advisable to wear underwear underneath trousers and tights as the material may irritate the skin. You could switch to stockings to allow more air to circulate around your vulva.
If you think you may be allergic to sex, become your own detective by eliminating some of the culprits mentioned above. Clearly if you think you may have a latex allergy, seek medical advice.
However, by switching to a skin safe pH balanced sexual lubricant, latex free condoms, checking the ingredients and material label on any future sexual lubricants, condoms and sex toys you buy, ditching feminine hygiene products, wearing cotton undies and sleeping naked you’ll soon find any sexual irritation will disappear.
Leave the DIY sex toys and products you think could be used as a lubricant in the kitchen and bathroom where they belong so you can enjoy better sexual health, intimacy and pleasure.
]]>Many people believe that having ovarian cancer means their sex life has to end, but it doesn’t have to. There are so many ways to enjoy great sex, it may not feel the same, it may be different or even better as you explore new ways to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure alone or with a partner. It is just about finding what works for you that is fun and feels pleasurable.
Remember, you don’t have to go all guns blazing, take your time, talk to your partner, tell them how you feel. You don’t have to have penetrative sex if that is the sex you normally enjoy, start by kissing and cuddling, gentle stroking, play together, enjoy mutual masturbation, use good skin safe sexual lubricants such as YES or Sutil Luxe, invest in a simple bullet vibrator or sex toy for your partner, most of all, have fun.
Having your ovaries removed will send you into a surgical menopause, bringing on menopause symptoms. Not everyone experiences the same symptoms, and some may be affected to a greater extent than others.
Being diagnosed with ovarian cancer and undergoing surgery to remove your ovaries and cancer treatment is extremely stressful. For younger women, treatment may mean they are unable to have children or any more children, creating anxiety and stress.
Discussing all your fertility options before treatment is important such as freezing your eggs or egg donation and your consultant or Oncology Nurse Specialist will be able to offer help and advice as to what you can do.
A decrease in sexual libido can affect your desire, and it is completely normal to not want to have sex or sexual intimacy, but discussing how you feel with your partner can help them understand what you are going through and enable them to support you during this time. They may have their own feelings of anxiety or confusion about what you are going through, and might avoid sex because they’re worried about causing you pain.
Wanting to have sex can depend on your general health and recovery from cancer, your relationship with your partner, your levels of stress, fatigue and your body image confidence. Making time for sex, getting enough rest and taking the focus off penetration is this is how you enjoy sex can all help, sex is so much more than penetration, something healthcare professionals often forget.
Younger people who have cancer can experience a surgical or medical menopause, which can affect their sex lives. Coping with a cancer diagnosis and going through debilitating treatment, to be left with a low or no libido and physical symptoms, is life changing. However, there are ways in which you can overcome sexual symptoms of the menopause.
More advice is needed for younger people about their fertility and what options are available to them to preserve their fertility. A Psycho-Oncology analysis of the published literature (2017) indicates that many cancer patients are not receiving support for fertility sparing choices or advice, and recommends that all cancer patients of reproductive age should be provided with fertility information and referrals for fertility preservation. One of the reasons is that oncologists may lack appropriate fertility knowledge and be unsure whose role it is to provide fertility support.
The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists published a scientific paper about Fertility Sparing Treatments in Gynaecological Cancer (February 2013) offering options for women undergoing gynaecological cancer treatment and surgery.
Sexual intimacy and pleasure is whatever feels good for you. Sex isn’t just penetrative sex, there are so many ways to enjoy sexual pleasure, including:
Vaginal dryness can happen to anyone whether you have had cancer or not. Hormonal changes affect vaginal secretions throughout the month and during periods of stress, illness, disease, post pregnancy and during the menopause.
The myth that lubricants are only needed for “fixing” a sexual problem needs to be dispelled and people of all ages should be encouraged to use vaginal lubricants whenever they feel the need and to increase the sexual pleasure felt by both themselves and their partner.
A surgical menopause causes a decrease in the production of oestrogen, affecting the elasticity and vaginal secretions of the vagina, making sex feel uncomfortable or painful. Using a good lubricant, such as YES organic lubricant or SUTIL Luxe can make sex feel more comfortable and pleasurable and help to reduce vaginal tightness. Following cancer treatment it is so important to look after your intimate health and this includes using skin safe sexual lubricants, vaginal moisturisers and only washing your vulva with water or a gentle emollient if you think you need it. Avoid intimate products as many will irritate the delicate tissues of the vulva and vagina and can even cause thrush.
Skin safe, odourless and tasteless, YES organic lubricants are similar to your body’s natural lubricant and do not contain ingredients which may cause allergic reactions and genital irritation. SUTIL Luxe interacts with your own natural lubrication making you feel more lubricated and sex more pleasurable.
Avoid using products that are not designed for the vagina. Just because a food stuff can be eaten does not mean it is good for your vagina health
Some products designed as vaginal lubricants, even those available on prescription from your GP may cause vaginal irritation or infection as many contain glycerin which can cause thrush and alter the pH of the vagina.
Often recommended and prescribed by GPs and HCPs, KY Jelly and other waterbased products contains both parabens, glycols and glycerin, which can cause thrush. KY jelly also has a higher osmolality than the cells in the body, drawing moisture out of the walls of the vagina rather than hydrating them, exacerbating vaginal dryness, not helping it. This can leave the body vulnerable to infection, such as thrush, which is often more prevalent after cancer treatment.
Using a good vaginal moisturiser free from all the irritating ingredients mentioned above such as YESVM or SUTIL Luxe can help the walls of the vagina and the tissues of the vulva hydrated and moisturised to prevent shrinking and tightness. You may be able to use local oestrogen but this is a conversation you need to have with your oncologist, clinical nurse specialist or GP.
Sex should never feel painful, but if it does, stop. The tissues of the vagina can shrink due to depleting oestrogen levels, making your vagina feel tighter and any penetration feel uncomfortable or painful. They also become less less lubricated. Having a simple intimate health regime which includes using a good vaginal moisturiser several times weekly, a good sexual lubricant for any sex play and using local oestrogen if you are able to, can all really help.
You may find it takes longer to become aroused or that you simply feel less well lubricated, so take your time, enjoy longer foreplay or even make this the main event if penetration feels painful or uncomfortable.
Use plenty of lubricant, add more if you need it, wetter is always better whoever you are. You can pop it on before foreplay, as part of foreplay and enjoy an intimate massage or just apply it when you want to enjoy penetrative sex or when using a sex toy.
Try different positions that prevent deep penetration if you find it uncomfortable or painful. Often being on top or snuggling are a good way for you to control depth of penetration. Taking it slowly can be highly pleasurable and very intimate.
A slim vibrator, such as a Picobong Zizo, Lelo Liv and Jo Divine IMMY can really help if you have scar tissues or vaginal tightness following surgery or treatment. Used with lubricant, it can help promote healing of scar tissue by increasing the blood supply to the area. Gentle manipulation of the vibrator over the scarred area can help to stretch the tissue and make it feel less tight. It also promotes vaginal secretions, lubricating the vagina and making it feel more comfortable and pleasurable.
Used on your clitoris, it can help you to relax, and it feels good too! You can also use many of our sex toys in the bath, lots of fun and so relaxing too!
If you prefer not to use a vibrator, our Inspire Silicone Dilator Kit is incredibly soft and is a great way to ease vaginal tightness. You can use them alone or with one of our slim sex toys, the IMMY fits through the loop handle turning the dilator into a vibrator which is great for promoting blood flow, lubrication and sexual sensations. The smallest dilator or IMMY is great for massaging YES oil-based lubricant, YESVM or Sutil Luxe around the entrance of the vagina where the skin can become thinner, feel sore or split especially on penetration to help gently stretch the tissues to become more flexible.
A simple cuddle causes the release of oxytocin, a feel good hormone. When we’re sexually aroused, oxytocin levels increase significantly, a main factor in achieving an orgasm, which in turn, causes the release of more oxytocin.
A brief stroke on the back of the neck, along your arm, your ears, even in the palm of your hand can help you reconnect.The gentle breath on the back of your neck, a brush of the knee or feather like kiss on your hand can produce a sexual sensation as skin is one of the most erogenous zones in our body
Using the lightest of touch, being caressed or caressing your partner, even through clothing, can send pulses racing. However and wherever you enjoy being touched, finding your own erogenous zones is fun and will increase your sexual stimulation, so start exploring
Tell your partner where and how you would like to be touched, guide their hand, so they know how to touch you and what pressure they can use if your genitals feel sensitive to touch.
Our sense of touch, hearing, smell and taste are all heightened by sight deprivation. Not knowing what is coming next increases sexual arousal, so try combining blindfold play with slow sensual all over body massage. Touch your partner or be touched with a feather-like caress, using a feather, silk scarf or tickler. Feed them or be fed with tiny morsels of chocolate, honey from your fingers or lips or trace an ice cube or drizzling champagne over your partner’s stomach, penis or clitoris.
Sexual sensation can diminish following treatment or drug therapy, making it difficult or longer to orgasm. However, using a vibrator can help. The gentle vibrations can stimulate the numerous nerve endings in the clitoris and vagina, creating waves of pleasure.
As 75% of people with a clitoris orgasm through clitoral stimulation, they can often struggle during penetrative sex because they are not getting the right clitoral stimulation so try using a bullet vibrator or clitoral stimulator on your clitoris and great for playing on nipples, a partner’s clitoris or penis. It’s so simple to use and inexpensive, such as great toy to introduce into your relationship. Your partner could wear a vibrating penis ring, such as a Je Joue Mio which can make their penis feel firmer whilst stimulating your clitoris at the same time.
You may like using a Rabbit vibrator like Rocks Off EveryGirl to enjoy blended orgasms.
LELO SONA 2 is a sonic wave stimulator relying on SenSonic technology. The silicone absorbs sonic waves and pulses and transmits them back to the clitoris. These waves stimulate the internal and external parts of the clitoris, gently teasing and caressing you to an all-consuming climax, the like of which you have never experienced before. Being waterproof, SONA 2 is a fun way to enjoy a very relaxing bath!
Satisfyer Pro 2 is a true innovation in clitoral stimulation, offering touch-free massage that you blow you away. Using sound wave technology, it engulfs the clitoris and creates gentle pressure waves that gently suck and tease the clitoris. People who really struggle to orgasm find that this product helps them.
Satisfyer Curvy 1 Plus App Enabled combines air pulsation wave stimulation with vibratory power which creates an entirely unique sexual sensation. Being app controlled, you can let your partner be in charge, such a great way to get warmed up for sex too.
Wand massagers are powerful sex toys that also double up as body massagers, so versatile and great to use alone or with a partner.
Finding a sex toy that works for you can transform your sexual intimacy and pleasure, so it is important to do your research, always buy skin safe products from reputable retailers like Jo Divine who really care about your sexual health and pleasure.
You don’t have to give up on your sex life after ovarian cancer: there are so many things you can do to continue to enjoy sexual pleasure and intimacy with your partner by being a little imaginative and creative about the way in which you have sex. You can have lots of fun too!
Sex is meant to be noisy, messy, embarrassing, consensual, pleasurable and most of all, fun so be adventurous and start enjoying better sexual pleasure and intimacy!
At Jo Divine, we’re always happy to help and believe that sexual health and sexual pleasure go hand in hand. We created a health brochure with suitable products to help people with sexual issues. Working with healthcare professionals and several cancer charities, we hope to encourage patients and HCPs alike in talking more freely about sexual problems. A health issue doesn’t mean your sex life will have to stop!
Useful websites
We work with the fantastic Ovarian Cancer Charity Ovacome who support so many people going through treatment and beyond, offering evidenced based information, handy booklets, practical advice and helping so many people of all ages going through ovarian cancer.
Target Ovarian Cancer : www.targetovariancancer.org.uk
Eve Appeal : www.eveappeal.org.uk/gynaecological-cancers/ovarian-cancer
Ovarian Cancer Action : www.ovarian.org.uk
Dr Louise Newson, menopause specialist : www.menopausedoctor.co.uk
The Daisy Network- www.daisynetwork.org.uk- charity for premature ovarian insufficiency
British Menopause Society- thebms.org.uk
Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynaecology- www.rcog.org.uk
Menopause Support : menopausesupport.co.uk
Henpicked : www.henpicked.net
Jennifer Young : www.beautydespitecancer.co.uk
HipHeadWear : www.hipheadwear.co.uk
Dr Hannah Short, Menopause Specialist : www.drhannahshort.co.uk
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy
Cancer and Fertility : www.cancerandfertility.co.uk This has been set up by Becki McGuinness who was left infertile by aggressive cancer treatment when she was just 23-years-old. Now 30, she’s launching a national campaign to ensure women facing cancer are given all the fertility options she should have had
You can read more about how we work with many healthcare professionals and charities.
I spoke at the Daisy Network conference about sexual intimacy and pleasure in June 2017, had a stand in 2018 and joined them in 2020 via Zoom for a webinar about Sexual Health, Intimacy and Pleasure.
I spoke at the Ovacome Day in 2019 and joined them via Zoom in 2020 to talk about Ovarian Cancer and Sex
I joined the panel at Trekstock “Lifting the Lid on Menopause” event in February 2020 and have worked with them on their Menopause programme
I spoke at the Guys Cancer Academy Sexual Wellbeing and Cancer in February 2020 about sexual health, intimacy and pleasure.
I spoke at Cancer Creativity workshop created by Cheryl Johnson to talk about Sex and Cancer in December 2020.
I have recorded a podcast with Dr Louise Newson about Sex and Menopause.
I featured on Sex, Myths and the Menopause with Davina McCall in May 2021
]]>Lydia Brain has written an honest blog about how being diagnosed with womb cancer at 24 impacted upon her sex life after having a hysterectomy. In this article she shares her advice as to how she overcame these issues to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure
At the end of 2016, at 24 years old, I was diagnosed with a rare form of endometrial (womb) cancer. It has been a long old year that has changed my life in insurmountable ways. There have been ups and downs (predominantly downs!), but now I am post treatment and slowly trying to rebuild my life and adjust to the ‘new normal’ (whatever that is).
Initially I was put on a hormone treatment, Zoladex, in hope the starvation of oestogen would shrink my tumour. This treatment put me into an induced menopause, which came with a whole ream of side effects. I suffered most from low mood, but also hot flushes and vaginal dryness. I was on Zoladex for four months until it was found my tumour was still growing and the treatment had been unsuccessful. At this point it was decided the only option I had left was a total hysterectomy.
In June 2017 I went for my surgery. The hysterectomy was performed through a laparoscopic keyhole procedure, whereby cameras as well as surgical instruments were used to remove my womb and cervix through my vagina. My vagina was then sutured and the fallopian tubes disconnected so that my ovaries could remain to ensure future hormone production.
It can take 12-18 months until your body has fully recovered, but about 6 weeks post surgery I was feeling healthy and back to almost normal activity levels. Having a hysterectomy affects many areas of your life. My confidence and trust in my body’s ability was questioned and this made it hard to know when to take up/give a miss to different activities and opportunities. One of the areas this is most profound is in your sex life.
Getting back into sex after a gynaecological surgery can be daunting. It is easy to worry about disturbing your stitches, creating damage and holding up your recovery. There is also the fear of pain or bleeding, which can be embarrassing and hard to deal with. Once your stitches have sufficiently healed the scar tissue is quite inflexible which can cause discomfort or even pain for a considerable time.
From experience, I found a lack of information on how to safely and enjoyably get back into sex post surgery, and much of the information out there is for heterosexual couples. I am single and have, for the most part, muddled through following my instincts. There is no one quick fix or light bulb idea that will suit everyone because we are all different but here some things I have learned that have helped me (and will hopefully help you too).
It is so important to listen to your body and take it’s lead. If you don’t feel ready to jump back on the horse quite yet, then you probably aren’t. Likewise if you feel well and recovered, maybe it is time to start slowly introducing sex back into your life. Sex after a hysterectomy (mainly from not having a cervix, does feel different). My gynae oncologist warned me of this, and it definitely does. I wouldn’t say it feels any worse or better, but it will feel different, so don’t worry about this too much.
Be aware of how you are feeling and if you have any tension or anxiety about having sex again. You do need to be more aware of how you feel during sex and whether anything is uncomfortable/ painful, or if you notice any blood. Knowing what feels normal or different for you will help you make sure you are going at the pace right for you.
It may seem uncomfortable to talk about sex but it is important when recovering from a gynaecological surgery. I asked my doctor when it would be safe again for me to have sex and what to expect. Luckily my consultant is fantastic and I am happy to talk to him about anything (considering he has seen the inside of my vagina so many times, I should feel comfortable talking to him about this stuff).
Just make sure you seek advice from someone informed and reliable, Jo Divine’s articles and advice service is a fantastic place to get information that you know you can trust.
Your body has changed, and it is probably still healing, you need to treat it with respect and take things slowly.
One of the things that helped me was starting with non-penetrative sex until I felt I was ready. Smaller toys can also be a great ‘test run’ at getting your body used to sex again, and seeing what is comfortable for you in a way that is easily controlled.
There are plenty of ways to enjoy your sex life post hysterectomy so look at options that will work for you with how you are feeling, with or without a partner.
It is hard as a single person when having sex for the first few times after surgery. The person you are with might not know much about your situation and the idea of talking about it can be scary or embarrassing. But to some extent, you must. Know what you are and aren’t comfortable with discussing, find what works for you that is within your comfort zone but gets enough across to ensure you can navigate the situation to be safe and enjoyable.
At the least, make sure the other person knows that you have to take things slowly and that you need to be careful. I tell the other person that I have had surgery recently, which is usually enough to make the situation work for me without having to bare my life story.
Trust in yourself, your body and your partner. It may seem silly to say, as you should always have sex in a situation where you can completely trust yourself and your partner but after a gynaecological surgery it is even more important.
If you are in a loving, happy, relationship then you should be in a good position where your partner knows what you have been through and cares about keeping you safe post surgery. Yet, they might not be fully informed on the impact of your diagnosis and surgery, and what it means in terms of sex. So make sure you are both well informed and on the same page.
If you are a single pringle like me, one of my best decisions I made post surgery was for the first time, sleeping with someone I knew and trusted. It was all together a relaxed, enjoyable and safe experience. I appreciate this might not be doable for most, but make sure you are with someone you trust to have your wellbeing as a priority and that you can be open with throughout the experience.
Even though it can be scary talking about something so personal and often painful about yourself, it will help you have complete control over the situation. Be confident in yourself to take the lead on what is working and what isn’t. If something feels uncomfortable or not quite right, then let your partner know and try something else. Talking about your situation and needs may seem scary at first, but will be worth it when your worry and apprehension is relieved and you have an enjoyable experience. And remember, practice makes perfect!
A huge thank you to Lydia for writing this amazing article about her experience which will help so many younger women going through similar experiences.
If you would like more information or advice please call or email Jo Divine. All conversations remain confidential and we are happy to send a health brochure
Womb Cancer Support: www.wombcancersupportuk.weebly.com
Eve Appeal: www.eveappeal.org.uk
Shine Cancer: www.shinecancersupport.org
Clic Sargeant: www.clicsargent.org.uk
Trekstock: www.trekstock.com
Macmillan: www.macmillan.org.uk
GRACE (Gynae-Oncology Clinical Research and Excellence): www.grace-charity.org.uk
While many women worry about the size of their breasts with many undergoing breast augmentations, more men are turning to surgery and alternative methods to increase their penis size.
Even though many surveys show that women aren’t concerned about how big their partner’s penis is, many men worry about their size.
According to Indian Association of Sexology chairman Dr T Kamaraj, a Chennai-based sexologist, it is estimated at least 1% of men in India suffer from this ‘changing room syndrome’. He says that, “They don’t walk into a crowded urinal because they are paranoid others will see. They rule out marriage and, worse, feel miserable about themselves”.
A study of over 14,000 men and women by Dr Kristen Mark, Assistant professor of Health Promotion at University of Kentucky, revealed that it’s not about your size, but what you do with it. He found that 45% of men wanted a bigger penis, yet 66% of all respondents agreed that size didn’t matter, whereas performance and creativity did.
One key aspect of the research was the duration of sexual intercourse, not penis size. Women wished that sexual intercourse would last longer, as it often left them unsatisfied. 45% of men said they didn’t last as long as they’d like to, leaving their partners sexually unfulfilled.
This is mainly a problem about women taking longer to become aroused and lack of appropriate stimulation, as 70% of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation, not penetrative sex.
Interestingly, 45.7% of men said they would be willing to try a penis enhancement product to last longer.
Recent research from UCLA and Cal State LA (2014) found that 84% of women feel “very satisfied” with their man’s penis size, 14% wished it was bigger and 25% would prefer their partner to have a smaller penis. The survey was completed by 26,437 women aged between 18-65, a self selected group, but large enough to allay concerns about demographic representation.
The typical non erect penis is 3.5 inches long but smaller flaccid penises grow more when erect compared to larger flaccid penises.
2.5% of erections measure less than 3.8 inches, 13.5% are 3.8-4.5 inches, 68% are 4.6-6 inches, 13.5% are 6.1-6.8 inches and 2.5% are longer than 6.9 inches.
One leading cosmetic surgeon in the UK, Dr Roberto Viel, says that penis size can be significantly enhanced in both length and girth without affecting sexual performance or sensitivity by well established surgical penoplasty.
As with any surgical procedure, there are risks such as infection, bleeding, loss of sensation and scarring, in addition to the penis becoming misshapened from having fat injected into it to increase girth.
Sexual medicine consultant Professor Kevin Wylie advises that penis enlargement can be ineffective, expensive and potentially harmful. He says that injecting fat into the penis leads to the body absorbing the fat over time, reducing the penis back to its former size. Having a penoplasty may boost a man’s confidence, but if he doesn’t make some lifestyle changes such as eating a healthy diet and taking regular exercise, the outcome will not be long lasting.
Being overweight can make a man either feel unattractive or no longer attractive to his partner, who may avoid having sex, and it can also make his penis appear shorter too.
As fat accumulates in the lower abdomen, the apparent size of the penis changes according to Dr Ira Shalip, clinical professor of urology at the University of California. A large pre-pubic fat pad can make the penile shaft look shorter, in effect, burying the penis.
Many urologists often motivate their patients to lose weight by telling them that they will gain at least an inch in size by simply losing weight.
Poor dietary habits can cause heart attacks due to fatty deposits sticking to the lining of the arteries around the heart, restricting blood flow in the coronary arteries. This can also impede the blood flow to and within the penis, preventing it from becoming erect.
Studies have found that erectile dysfunction is relatively uncommon in men who eat a traditional Mediterranean diet, which includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, olives and wine, particularly red (K. Esposito et al, 2006).
Exercising regularly will not only make you feel better, boosting your sexual self confidence, but can also help with weight loss, reduce high blood pressure, stress and anxiety, improving overall health and well-being. Any form of anaerobic exercise that increases your heart rate is beneficial, including cycling, running, brisk walking and swimming.
Men have a pelvic floor too, just like women, but very few men are aware that doing pelvic floor exercises can increase penile hardness and rigidity, improving the quality of your erections. It is recommended that you seek advice from a physiotherapist trained in men’s health to instruct you how to do these exercises correctly.
Often considered a gimmick, some penis pumps, such as the Bathmate Hydromax can help improve the size of your penis and quality of erections too. The saying “use it or lose it” is true and the penis needs to be exercised to keep it functioning properly.
Not just beneficial for men who have erectile dysfunction, using a penis pump regularly can help prevent men from developing ED by maintaining good penis health, which, in turn, improves the quality of erections, strength of orgasms and helps you last longer in bed too.
The risks of side effects or complications of using a penis pump are lower than those of medication and surgery. Occasionally, slight bruising may occur around the base of the pump where it is pressed against the body, but this sensation disappears over time as you get used to using it daily.
Penis pumps are completely non-invasive and do not have lasting side effects, unlike surgical treatments, injections or medication.
By using a hydro pump, rather than an air pump, you reduce the risk of over pumping, a problem that can occur with other devices. Using warm water relaxes the tissues of the penis and enhances blood flow throughout the penis, while the vacuum opens up the tissues and blood vessels. Whilst inside the Bathmate Hydromax, the volume of the penis will usually be over 25% bigger than your normal erection, which refreshes the penis with fresh oxygenated blood and helps enlarge the corpora cavernosa – the spongy tissue that holds blood during an erection.
By using a hydro pump for 15 minutes as part of your daily shower or bath routine, you can help avoid erectile dysfunction and improve your sexual performance.
Regular use of a penis pump improves oxygenation of penile tissues, enhances blood flow and prevents formation of cavernosal fibrosis, all of which increase the chances of preserving erectile function, girth and length and improving the quality and quantity of erections (Dalkin et al 2007).
Most men who regularly use penis pumps experience more pronounced growth in the girth of their penis than in the length of their penis, which many women find to be more important for sexual stimulation than overall length.
Constriction rings are a great way to increase the size of your penis and help you to last longer. From vibrating cockrings that also offer clitoral stimulation to your partner to non-vibrating cockrings that can even be worn around the testicles too, these are a simple way to enhance your penis size and sexual pleasure too.
Rather than being concerned about the size of their penis, men should concentrate on talking to their partners about what they both want sexually and explore new ways in which to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure, such as using sexual lubricant, incorporating sex toys into their sex play and trying new positions.
Whatever the size of your penis, most men can rest assured that their partner is more than happy with their manhood. It is what you do with it that matters, not how big it is: so stop worrying and start enjoying sex.
]]>New research funded by The Eve Appeal and EC Horizon 2020 and led by Professor Martin Widschwendter at University College London (June 2019) has found that women with fewer protective ‘good’ bacteria in the vagina may be at greater risk of developing ovarian cancer.
We all have “good” bacteria in our vaginas, maintaining the pH between 3.8 and 4.5, an acidic environment which not only keeps our vagina healthy, prevents and reduces infections like thrush, it also prevents “bad” bacteria from travelling further up our gynaecological tract to our womb and ovaries.
Previous research has found that when we get infections from this ‘bad’ bacteria and it travels from our vaginas further up our gynae tract, they can cause a number of problems, often starting with Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID). PID causes inflammation in our womb and Fallopian Tubes which may lead to infertility, premature labour, and now possibly cancer.
This new research found that women who had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer had much less “lactobacilli”, the good bacteria,in their vagina than women who had not been diagnosed.
The team also found that women at a higher risk of developing ovarian cancer, from having the BRCA1 gene mutation, also had much lower levels of these ‘good’ bacteria.
Clearly there are other contributing factors to why some women develop ovarian cancer but this may be a new indicator that can be used when screening for risk.
In recent years we have been deluged with hundreds of feminine hygiene products, vulva make up, detox sticks and bags, vagina tightening products, perfumed condoms, poor sexual lubricants, bath bombs, skin bleaching products for your vulva, vagina and anus, CBD tampons and sexual lubricants and vaginal moisturisers that women are bombarded with from well known brands, celebrities, influencers, high street shops, online websites and beauty brands. The myth that our vaginas need to be scoured, scrubbed, disinfected, detoxed, tightened, bleached and smell of roses or lavender needs to be debunked.
Many women do experience a myriad of vagina health issues, from itching, soreness, discharge, vaginal dryness and vaginal atrophy, the majority of which should be diagnosed and treated by your GP. Many women are too embarrased to speak to their GP so turn to the heaving shelves on the high street in well known retailers and online to buy a product they think will alleviate their symptoms. However many women have no idea the products they are using are actually contributing to their symptoms, exacerbating them and prolonging their existence.
Embarrassment plays a huge role in women not seeking medical advice or believing that these sexual health issues are a normal part of owning a vagina and vulva.
Vaginal health issues can occur ar any age but particularly as we get older and go through the menopause. Many women have never had an issue with vaginal dryness and vaginal lubrication and some have no idea what is happening to their vagina. Some women experience vaginal atrophy which is so much more than vaginal dryness ( it is also under reported due to embarrassment or believing it is normal) but many women consider using a sexual lubricant as being seen as a failure when it can really enhance sexual pleasure.
Research by the University of Guelp in Canada found that 95% of women use feminine hygiene products in the form of douches, washes, wipes, and lubricants to keep their vagina clean and smell lovely, yet many of these products can be detrimental to vagina health.
Some women may have been using these products to overcome an existing infection, such as thrush or bacterial vaginosis, rather than seek medical advice due to embarrassment and the convenience of buying such products over the counter. This is potentially putting their health at risk if it is a more serious issue such as Lichens Sclerous or Vulval Cancer so any changes need to be checked by your GP.
Many vulval skin conditions can be diagnosed by your GP or vulval dermatologist and treated/ managed with prescribed topical treament and emolliants.
They found that women who used gel sanitizers were eight times more likely to have a yeast infection and almost 20 times more likely to have a bacterial infection.
Women using feminine washes or gels were almost 3 ½ times more likely to have a bacterial infection and 2 ½ times more likely to report a urinary tract infection.
Participants using feminine wipes were twice as likely to have a urinary tract infection, and those using lubricants or moisturizers were 2 ½ times as likely to have a yeast infection.
After meeting my now husband at 23 we starting using sexual lubricants
However I had no idea that these products were contributing to the recurrent thrush, bacterial vaginosis, cystitis and urinary tract infections I experienced and would destroy our sex life during the next 17 years.
This is because they contain glycerin which creates a sugary environment for thrush to thrive, glycols which irritate the tissues of the vagina, parabens which are oestrogenic and have no place in our bodies and are not pH balanced for vagina health, thus disrupting vagina pH and causing bacterial vaginosis.
After using KY jelly, KY liquid, Durex lubricants and a couple of brands I can’t remember the name of I often felt itchy, sore and it would sting when I had my post coital wee. Over time I came to identify sex with these infections and would get a feeling of dread each time we had sex that I would end up on the toilet all night with cystitis or itching the next day with thrush. This in turn lead to vaginismus, a condition whereby the muscles of the vagina tense, making penetrative sex painful.
I didn’t tell my husband for a long time and would endure painful sex because I really wanted to have sex with him and I felt so frustrated at my body behaving in this way. Sometimes penetration would not be possible and sometimes we could have sex, then my vagina muscles would tighten, making it feeling painful.
Products such as canestan were not available to buy over the counter so I would buy a pot of probiotic yoghurt, only available at the local health food shop, dip a tampon in it beleiving it would restore the good bacteria and put it in my vagina, really not sure it helped and it was very messy!
I would get a prescription for canestan or antibiotics from my GP, treat the infection, then go back to using the poor lubricants and get another infection.
Even when I finally got a diagnosis of vaginismus when I turned 30 and was told to relax to make sex feel less painful and iron the gusset of my knickers to kill thrush from a gynaecologist, not one doctor asked me about my sex life or what lubricants I was using.
In addition to using lubricants, I also tried to overcome thrush and bacterial vaginosis with using the limited range of feminine hygiene products available in the chemist which actually exacerbated the problem because they contain the same ingredients as the lubricants.
When we founded Jo Divine, our online sex toy company in 2007, we sourced YES organic lubricants to sell as they are skin safe, being glycerin, glycol, parabens free and pH balanced.
These lubricants transformed my vagina health almost overnight, my vagina and bladder health improved, which in turn, made the vaginismus disappear because sex felt great and really pleasurable. We have been using these products for the last 11 years and recommend them to all our customers and the healthcare professionals I work with across the UK who recommend them to their patients too.
As a sex toy retailer we hear so many women say I get thrush, BV, cystitis, urinary tract infections and discover they are using unsuitable products including KY, baby oil, Vaseline, coconut oil, hand cream, sudocrem, germolene, Bio Oil, olive oil or other well known and supermarket lubricants or have been advised to use KY or vaseline by their GP or cancer nurse. Some products on prescription contain the aforementioned ingredients too.
I have also spoken to and advise men who experience the same stinging, burning and itching issues that women face.
This is an issue because many couples who try a lubricant that causes irritation are put off using anythign else because they think all sexual lubricants are the same so sex continues to feel uncomfortable or painful or they simply give up on their sex life.
Many women who experience vagina health issues become detectives to discover what products work for them including myself. Whilst many women think about what they eat and put on their hair and skin they give no thought to what they put inside our vagina and on their vulvas and grab any thing that is slippery and they think is fine to use for sex.
The knowledge of many healthcare professionals is lacking, with some recommending poor products, even those not designed for vaginal use. It is frustrating to hear a gynaecologist say all lubricants are the same so it does not matter what you use.
Nearly every week I get sent an email or tagged on social media about yet another product people want me to promote or sell.
This is why as a former nurse and a sexual health and pleasure I am passionate about vagina/vulva health. From telling people about my sexual health experience and writing extensively about the impact that many products have upon vagina/vulva health, I also raise awareness about the numerous celebrities, companies, influencers and beauty brands promoting their own intimate hygiene products and treatments that are detrimental to vagina health.
I really hope with this new research more attention will be made to the vast number of products aimed at our vaginas which potentially can harm our good bacteria but I think change will be a long time coming when the feminine hygiene industry is forecasted to be worth $33.5 billion worldwide by 2022, according to analyst Allied Market Research. The same report found that ‘internal cleansers’ were the fastest-growing product category. We just need to wash our genitalia with water!
While this fast growing industry continues to sell these products women will continue to think they need them, especially when their favourite celebrity, beauty brand or TV doctor is touting them and while women continue to buy them, brands will continue to make huge amounts of money. This includes high street retailers now jumping onto the sexual wellness train yet clearly demonstrating they do not care about your vagina/vulva health because they are selling poor sexual lubricants. If they really cared, they would not sell these products but they are doing so because they make money.
It is also frustrating when I see perfumed condoms, intimate washes and wipes, lubes and vaginal moisturisers full of irritating ingredients in goody bags at womens health and medical events where we are talking about vagina/vulva health, it make no sense!
My own industry has created CBD (cannabidiol) lubricants and intimate products to boost your sexual pleasure whilst the menstrual product industry has created CBD infused tampons, supposedly to ease period pain.
CBD lubricants and tampons now seem to be on trend yet the clinical evidence is sparse, often anecdotal from people who have found it helped or very small sample groups. This is no basis for putting these products on your vulva and inside your vagina, especially for long periods of time.
The Food and Drug Administration has reported that most CBD products currently sold in the United States are unregulated and untested. The agency noted that its own testing has shown some products do not contain the amounts of CBD they claim to contain, while some CBD products contain toxic metals, pesticides, and THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) which is the active part that will get you high.
The Food Standards Agency (FDA) in the UK has finally unveiled new plans to better regulate the cannabidiol industry and issue new safety advice for consumers. We can only hope this will also apply to intmate products too.
Bleaching products are the worst, perpetuating the myth that our vulva, vagina and anus need to look peachy pink, despite destroying our intimate health causing irritation, scarring and infection, fuelling racial bias yet are sold on some sex toy and sexual health websites and by high street brands who may say they care about sexual liberation and vaginal autonomy but clearly do not!
I’m always advising people to ditch bath bombs! I call them thrush bombs because so many people experience irritation or thrush after having a long soak in the bath with one of these! Often brands will try to rename their ingredients to hide the fact they are glycerin, glycol or parabens by adding a prefix to confuse customers. Sodium Lauryl Sulfate is a huge problem because it strips the skin of its natural oils which causes dry skin, irritation and allergic reactions. Inflammatory skin reactions include itchy skin and scalp, eczema and dermatitis. Other irritating ingredients include fragrances, dyes and glitter. Glitter can also get embedded into the walls of the vagina and tissues of the vulva and anus, leading to irritation and infection. There have also been instances where small children have tried to eat a bath bomb because it looks like a cake or sweet!
I wish I could just sweep all these products from the shelves in our high street and online retailers into the bin for good!
We need to educate future generations about their intimate health in relationship and sex education lessons and that there is no need to use these products.
For Gynae Cancer Awareness Month 2019 Team Eve at the Eve Appeal are shouting about the need to educate everyone about their bodies. This means sex education for everyone everywhere to end the embarrassment so many women have about their vaginas and vulvas and lack of education that using these products can harm their intimate health. This is why we need to have the conversation with our family, friends and colleagues to normalise the use of the words vagina, vulva and clitoris so please all join the campaign to #takeavow and use the right words.
If you care about your vagina/vulva health, want to keep it happy and healthy and save money, then ditch the feminine hygiene products, think about what you are using inside your vagina or on your vulva, wash with water and choose a skin safe pH balanced glycerin, glycol, parabens free sexual lubricant or vaginal moisturisers.
Hope may be on the horizon as the FDA look to regulate the ingredients in intimate products, however what ingredients they will consider acceptable is currently unknown.
Vaginal Atrophy Facebook Group – fabulous support group set up by Jane for women experiencing VA, offering their personal experience and advice as to what does work, what may work and what to avoid.
Vulval Cancer Awareness : https://www.lsvcukawareness.co.uk/ this is a fabulous support group set up by Clare Baumhauer who had stage 3 vulval cancer for women with vulval cancer
Eve Appeal : www.eveappeal.org.uk
Vulval Pain Society : www.vulvalpainsociety.org
Pelvic Pain Society: www.pelvicpain.org.uk
Lichens Sclerosus :www.lsvcukawareness.co.uk
British Society for the Study of Vulval Disease : www.bssvd.org
Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists : www.rcog.org.uk
British Association of Dermatologists : www.bad.org.uk
UK Lichens Planus : www.uklp.org.uk
British Skin Foundation : www.britishskinfoundation.org.uk
International Society for the Study of Vulval Disease : www.issvd.org
British Association for Sexual Health and HIV : www.bashh.org
Pelvic, Obstetric and Gynaecology Physiotherapy:https://pogp.csp.org.uk/
British Menopause Society: www.thebms.org.uk
It is well known that Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is more common as men get older but it is not necessarily a normal part of ageing. In the UK, it is estimated that 20 men out of every 100 will experience erectile dysfunction problems of some sort during their lives. Recent research has found that sexual performance problems are far more prevalent among men under 40 year than previously thought as a result of stress.
Often the problem goes away with little or no treatment but if ED is an ongoing problem, you need to seek medical advice as it could be a symptom of a serious, underlying medical problem, such as heart disease, diabetes or depression. If you are unable to get an erection under any circumstances, it is likely that the underlying cause is physical.
Many men report that they only experience performance problems in certain situations. They can get an erection when masturbating, when watching pornography or have nocturnal erections but are unable to get an erection with their sexual partner.
If this is the case, the underlying cause of erectile dysfunction is psychological, usually caused by stress.
The psychological impact of stress upon erectile function can be huge. Stress increases the production of adrenalin which causes constriction of blood vessels, reducing blood flow. Feeling stressed can affect your sexual relationship, which in turn, can make you feel even more stressed, making you less inclined to want sex.
Everyone gets stressed for many different reasons and we all deal with stressful situations in a wide variety of ways.
You may be worried about money, or your friend may have relationship issues, but any stress can have a negative impact upon the health and well being of your body.
Reasons as to why you feel stressed and anxious may include job related problems due to unemployment or workplace stress, relationship conflicts, illness, disease or bereavement, fear of getting older and financial worries.
Feeling stressed or anxious can manifest in a variety of ways such as:
ED doesn’t just affect the man but also impacts upon their partner’s sexual well being too. Often a partner will feel rejected by them if they cannot have sex, believing that their partner is having an affair or is no longer attracted to them.
Sometimes the woman will blame herself for the ED, adding more stress to their relationship.
It is important for couples to be honest with each other and communicate their fears and worries. Often sharing feelings of anxiety can help ease them and make seeking medical advice easier. It can help couples to renegotiate their sexual relationship to ensure they can still maintain sexual intimacy and pleasure even if coital sex is not possible.
Good communication between couples is vital to ensuring that ED treatment is successful. Both partner’s views about sexual intimacy should be taken into account and expectations about outcome of ED treatments discussed. Couples who work together to overcome ED often have more successful outcomes. If communication is an issue, relationship counselling may be offered.
ED is often a symptom and not a condition itself and by identifying the cause, your doctor can treat it. Finding the root cause of your stress can help to improve the way you feel emotionally and hopefully give your sex life a boost too.
Many of the reasons for ED mentioned above can be overcome by changing your behaviour. According to research at the University of Adelaide in Australia, men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED) can successfully reverse the effects of their problem by making lifestyle changes and avoid the need for medication.
Lifestyle and stress management treatments include sexual anxiety counselling with a sex therapist, psychological counselling, maintaining a healthy weight through diet and exercise- taking regular exercise can help reduce stress, stop smoking and decreasing alcohol consumption.
The most common treatments for ED include prescription medicine, such as, penile injections, testosterone replacement therapy, use of penis pump, penile implants and surgical intervention.
Although many men benefit from some of the interventions above, some men are unable to take medication or undergo surgery for ED.
Research by Ussher et al (2013) documented that some men in her research who used drug therapy, penile injections and implants gave negative accounts of the experience, describing it as being very painful, having erections lasting 4 hours and adverse side effects of medications, all of which led to unpleasant, degrading or unsatisfying sexual experiences.
However, using a penis pump can benefit men who have erectile dysfunction (ED) and can also help prevent men from developing ED by maintaining good penis health, which in turn improves the quality of erections and strength of orgasms. Using a penis pump to treat ED can be helpful when medication and surgical interventions do not work or cannot be used due to safety reasons.
It is less invasive than other conventional treatments, has less side effects and is cheaper too.
Using a penis pump, such as Bathmate Hydromax, allows you to physically gain an erection, which for some men, helps them to overcome any psychological problems they may have causing their ED.
The actual sight of getting an erection when you have not been able to do so under your own steam can help to unlock whatever emotional or mental problem was preventing you from getting an erection.
Even if your erection goes down after the vacuum is released, a constriction ring can help prevent this, and for some men, knowing that their penis works can have a positive impact upon their mental health and well being.
You don’t need a fully erect penis to enjoy coital sex.
Sex toys for men which vibrate can be helpful to trigger sexual arousal. Using a vibrating sex toy such as the Rocks Off Hand Solo 7 speed, Fun Factory Cobra Libre v2, Pulse III Duo by Hot Octopuss and Hot Octopuss Atom Plus which you can use, even if you have a flaccid penis, can promote sexual arousal to stimulate an erection. The Hand Solo open sleeve design sits around the penis, the Cobra v2 sits over the head of the penis and the unique vibratory plates of the Pulse stimulate an erection. The Atom Plus has been designed with dual integrated motors, offering intense perineum stimulation combined with powerful vibrations on the top of the shaft of the penis and can be used with a flaccid penis.
Vibrating constriction rings are great to use with a partner as they not only make your stay erect for longer but also offer clitoral stimulation too. The Je Joue Mimi Soft is incredibly stretchy so will fit a penis of any size and the deep rumbling vibration feel incredible.
If you think you have ED, seek medical advice. It may be due to psychological problems, many of which are mentioned above but by making changes to your lifestyle and reducing your stress levels, you can overcome ED and start to enjoy a satisfying sex life again.
Useful Websites
College of Relationship and Sexual Therapists : www.cosrt.org.uk
Chartered Society of Physiotherapy : www.csp.org.uk