One Last Kiss
We’ve barely spoken in days. He has never been this distant before. On the morning I returned from Sophia’s, I washed away my tears and all remnants of the night before, lathering my body in the shower and replaying the look of shock and disappointment on my husband’s face when he saw me dressed in the clothes from the night before and smelling of another woman’s sexuality.
I scrubbed at my skin with frustration. Frustration at myself for hurting him so much, but also frustration that I could have ruined everything with Sophia. I didn’t want to wash her away, I didn’t want things between us to end, but how can we possibly continue if all three of us aren’t on board? I could not believe how I could have been so reckless.
Before he and the kids returned home, I tried to brighten my puffy eyes with some makeup and wore my hair in the twisted braid I knew he loved. I cleared the kitchen of their breakfast mess and made a fresh pot of coffee for his arrival.
I heard the front door burst open, and so I hovered awkwardly in the kitchen, suddenly unaware of how to sit or stand in my own home in a way that resembled relaxed. The kids made their way towards me, shouting over each other about various goals won and penalties lost. I engulfed them in a hug, much to their dismay, and looked behind them for my husband.
“Where’s your Dad?” I asked in confusion. He was nowhere to be seen, and the kids had slammed the front door shut.
“He’s gone for a drink with Uncle Dan, he said you already knew”
I scoffed and reassured them that of course I knew, clearly I hadn’t had enough coffee. They ran off to their rooms happily enough and I sat at the kitchen table, holding back tears.
He came home that night, after hours of silence, not quite in the state I had expected him. He didn’t stink of booze, he looked as handsome as ever, and he looked strangely at ease. It unnerved me. I almost wanted him to scream at me, get angry, show any kind of emotion but instead he told me that we would talk about it when he was ready, and he took himself to bed.
It’s been days since, and he simply has not brought it up. He hasn’t been cold, exactly, just not remotely himself. It hasn’t felt like he’s ignoring me out of spite or hate, but that he simply does not know what to say to me. I can barely stand it.
Sophie has, of course, been in constant contact. Every time I see her name flash up on my phone I get a ripple of excitement and then I am enveloped by guilt. Still, I cannot stop thinking about her, despite the waves of worry and dare I say, shame. I replay that night in my head and long for it again.
I can still smell her perfume and recall the way her face distorted when I brought her to orgasm with my hands. How she gripped my hair with needy greed while my tongue explored her pussy, lapping at her clitoris like a woman starved. I loved how the curves of her body moved so beautifully with mine and how the taste of her skin was exotic and so wonderfully new.
She had suggested coffee and the moment she did, I knew things had to end. My husband was barely speaking to me due to how I had acted with Sophia and I was frightened at how desperate I was to simply get a coffee with her, to be near her. I couldn’t do this, act so juvenile while I was a mother and wife. It wasn’t fair to my family.
I thought about telling Mr. Divine that I was off to end things with Sophia, but I thought better of it. Best to tell him afterwards. To ask for forgiveness and to turn back time, before I’d lost my mind over another woman.
She had arrived at the café before me, and I watched her through the window for a few moments. Beautiful as ever, she simply wore jeans and T-shirt and managed to make it look runway ready. A lump caught in my throat as I imagined lacing my fingers with hers. I shook away the thought and made my way inside.
She saw me immediately and threw her arms around me, whispering words of encouragement and redemption.
“Darling, I’m so sorry it has been so difficult. You’re a trooper, you really are. I’m sorry for the part I played, it wasn’t fair. You must forgive me”
My legs turned to jelly, and it took all my strength not to wail into her comforting shoulder and crumble at her touch. I had not realised just how anxious and exhausted I had been these last few days.
We sat and sipped coffee, going over the last few days and skirting around talking about the longevity of our arrangement. In truth, I did not want to bring it up. I did not want things to end. I wanted her, all of her, all over again, and my thighs burned just thinking about reaching over and kissing her.
“You cannot do this, can you?” Sophia whispered. She looked down at her lap and I swear I saw her bottom lip quiver. My chest thudded and I wanted to cry.
“He won’t talk about it. He won’t talk to me. I don’t know how to convince him that this, us, is a good idea when he cannot even speak to me about what happened. I simply don’t know how we could continue”
Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I sobbed out apologies. I wanted the ground to rip open and swallow me whole. I hated how emotional I was being and how stoic and graceful she was.
“Shush now, darling. No more apologising. You have a family to think of, I do understand”
Her kindness only made it harder and she gently wiped at my cheeks with her fingertips. Feeling her touch on my skin was torture. Delicious torture. The thought of never touching her intimately again was almost too much to take, and so I dared not reach out for her hand.
Sophia reached for her coat and wrapped it around herself. She took both of my hands in hers and held them tightly, looking at me with those dreamy eyes that said everything I simply couldn’t
“I’ll go. I’ll make this easier for you. For us both. Not before one last kiss. We simply must. I just have to kiss you again”
Sophia released my hands and cupped my face instead, stroking my skin with her thumbs. She leant forward to kiss me and I melted into her, letting my lips relax and move with hers. She slipped her tongue into my mouth and coaxed mine to move against it. It was bliss.
After what felt like both a second and eternity, Sophia released me, took one last look at my weary face and got up to leave. I felt frozen at that moment. I could barely move or speak. Her lips were just against mine and now she was walking away from me.
She pulled open the cafe door and strode off down the street. A great panic exploded inside of me and I simply could not let her leave. I couldn’t lose her, not now.
I ran out of the cafe, nearly knocking over other customers, and I frantically searched for her in the crowd. Running down the street, I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I had no idea who this person was, what version of me had taken over, but I had to get to know her. I had to do this.
As I reached her, I shouted her name breathlessly and spun her around to face me. She looked ready for a fight before realising whose hands were gripping her coat.
She tried to speak but I couldn’t let her. I couldn’t let her talk me out of this. I plunged my hands into her hair and brought her mouth to mine, kissing her with a confidence I didn’t know I had. She snaked her arms around my waist and kissed me back with all the passion I knew she carried.
“I couldn’t let that be our last kiss” I declared when I finally let her go.
“Jo, you beautiful fool. What are we going to do?”
“I’ll make it work. I can make this work”
My words came out with such confidence that for a moment, even I believed it…