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I’m Alice Hunter of Unicorn Hunting Blog and author of the satirically sociopathic ‘Unicorns and How to Hunt Them: Your Guide to Scoring Threesomes like a Boss’.
Jo Divine has kindly invited me to do some articles for them.
Now, you may not consider yourself a swinger, or kinky, or LGTBQIA, or any of the topics I usually write about. 8 years ago, neither did I. I got invited to an ‘elite’ sex party as a first date and, being one who could never resist a peek down the rabbit hole, I set off to have a ‘once in a lifetime’ adventure. Many moons later, here I still am. It turned out the peek wasn’t nearly enough to experience, know and understand the diverse sexual underworld veiled so thinly beneath ‘respectable’ life.
The history of female sexuality, in particular, has always been steeped in shame, judgement and misogynistic fear. The history of acceptable male sexuality has always been railroaded into the most basic and conservative of acts. Men are beings who have sex with women, almost animalistic in nature. With urgent drives and lack of sophistication. Women are beings who submit to these drives in order to experience the fringe benefits of love, companionship and financial security.
What a load of old twaddle.
People of any (or no) gender can be sexual beings in their own right. Our biology is built to enable us to experience pleasure in many ways, all over our bodies, and yet we are all unique and require an understanding of how different sensations affect us as individuals. How can we possibly hope to experience the full range of what our beautiful, unique minds and bodies can offer us with another person if we don’t know them ourselves?
The puritanical notion that sex and pleasure are sinful is such a temporary blip in the history of humanity, and yet it still affects our perception of what it means to enjoy ourselves. Have no doubt, my lovely readers, that we need not be constrained by such unnatural and unhelpful notions. To take the step of exploring the wonders of the way you have been made is an act of rebellion and defiance against every part of society that seeks to keep you oppressed.
Whether you are part of a conventional couple, single, or one of the myriads of other emotional/social orientations that are springing up (or always lay hidden) all through society, you have the right and opportunity to learn skills and to enjoy your own pleasure.
What is it I’m here to do for you? Well, that’s a very good question. I’m not here to convert you to the world of swinging. It works for some, not for others (though let it be said, I’ve never met a person who was ‘too old’ to swing. I assure you, one can have a wonderful sexual and social life in the swing scene well into your nineties). I’m not here to say you should try out something ‘kinky’. Kinky is relative. If something is very unappealing to you, then it’s not the time and place for you to give it a go. A year, 10 years later? You may feel differently. Or you may not. Both are completely right choices.
What I’m going to do is give you little snippets of insight into worlds you may not feel like you want to dive straight into, but which can be fascinating to learn about. Who never had a list of questions they wanted to ask a porn actor, or an escort, or a professional dominatrix? Who never had a curiosity about what really happens at a hot tub party, or wanted tips on how to pick up someone in a fantasy situation? This is what I write about.
One of my favourite things is talking to people and hearing their stories, insights and experiences. The world is full of people having adventures, just beneath the surface of daily life. Your quiet, polite gardener, who spends his weekends secretly attending female dominance parties? Your respectable lawyer, who goes out to hedonistic sex events dressed all in lacey lingerie? Your suit-clad accountant, who likes to hot-wife for her husband whenever the kids go to their grandparents? They are all there, all people who you know. Just nobody can talk about it. Nobody can share the things that bring them passion and joy. The things that make their eyes sparkle with delight and bring colour to their cheeks. It’s all kept quiet, hidden, due to fear of judgement.
It is this fear, this secrecy, that makes the social side of the alternative sex scene so wonderful. To have people around you who understand what it’s actually like is so deeply bonding. The world needs more of that.
Let’s start the joyful adventure that our lives were always supposed to be.