For many, sex is still somewhat of a taboo subject. When it is mentioned in magazines or on TV, it’s often spoken about with salacious connotations, confused or incorrect advice and an assumption of knowledge from the consumer.
With many younger people taking this information as valid advice or deeming pornography to be a suitable educational facility, and older people often having never had any sort of sexual education, it’s important to treat the subject of sexual pleasure with a mature and informative approach.
Articles using click-bait style titles that claim to have discovered the ultimate way to orgasming every time fail to remember that everyone is different. What turns some people on may turn some people off and vice versa, so the most important thing to remember is while being open minded when it comes to sex and masturbation is great, if something is uncomfortable, painful or unpleasurable, then stop!
The portrayal of women enjoying orgasms through penetrative sex every time is misleading when so many women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, often lacking during penetrative sex.
How to orgasm through masturbation
Exploring and getting to know your own body first is the first step to having an orgasm. Learning how and where to touch yourself will eventually make it easier to orgasm during sex as you will be a more educated teacher for your partner.
If people are only exposed to sex education from a biological point of view rather than a pleasurable one, then they may not realise that around 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm.
Women often prefer a lighter touch than men during masturbation, so when stimulating the clitoris experiment with different pressures as well as motions and speeds.
Furthermore, some women find that direct clitoral stimulation is too intense due to sensitivity. If this is the case, experiment by stimulating the clitoris through your knickers or different fabric such as sensual silk. It’s also possible to stimulate the clitoris by massaging the labia majora, the outer lips of the vulval area.
Stimulating the clitoris and vulval area during a shower is a great way of experimenting too, whether you’re using your fingers or the shower head. This is a great way to experiment with different temperatures too, and if you have a shower head that changes the water pressure this can be great fun to play around with!
While it’s true that many women struggle to achieve a vaginal orgasm, finding the often elusive G-Spot is also a great way to achieving an orgasm. The name is rather misleading, as rather than being a specific “spot” it refers to an area on the vaginal wall that is has a slightly rougher, commonly described as “walnut-like”, texture that feels incredibly pleasurable when being stimulated.
During masturbation, it is possible to have what is known as a blended orgasm from a combination of clitoral and G-Spot stimulation, so get creative!
How to orgasm with sex toys
Sex toys come in a wide variety of styles and functions to help you to achieve an orgasm. If you are suffering from desensitisation following surgery, medical treatment or medication, sex toys might make it easier for you to climax than free-style masturbation!
There are vibrators available designed specifically for external stimulation, whether that be clitorally or experimenting with nipple play. The Je Joue Mimi Soft is a great external toy to try due to its unique squidgy tip that kisses your sweet spots, or a classic bullet vibe such as the RO-90 Bullet Vibrator is great fun to play around with. The Satisfyer Pro 2 is unique in that it gently sucks the clitoris with its pulsation wave technology
Innie vibes are versatile products as they can be used for both internal and external play. A smaller vibrator such as the OhMiBod Cuddle is a great example for this
Rabbit vibrators are great fun for experimenting with as often the dual motors, one in the shaft and one in the clitoral arm, can be operated independently of each other. This is great for when clitoral stimulation becomes too intense but you are still in the mood for some G-Spot play. The Rocks-Off Enigma and Rocks-Off EveryGirl are both incredibly flexible so will fit to almost any body shape. The ergonomic handle of the Engima makes it really easy to hold and control.
The Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit uniquely combines pressure wave clitoral stimulation with a traditional G-spot vibrator..
Most vibrators, whether they are an internal or external toy, also have a range of pulse patterns, meaning that rather than having a constant vibration or fiddling around with speeds, they have a set playlist of varied vibrations. Different pulse patterns are great for prolonging an orgasm, also known as edging, which takes you close to climax and then away again. This might sound strange, but it actually builds your orgasm up so when you finally do it’s really intense!
You may also want to consider using a lubricant when using a sex toy. A good, body safe lubricant such as Yes Organic Lubricant is a great place to start as it’s made from 100% natural ingredients. Using a lubricant can help to ease the insertion of an internal toy, and Yes Organic Lubricants nourish the skin too, so they actually improve skin health!
Being free from ingredients that can cause vaginal irritation, they are very close to your natural vaginal lubrication.
Avoid using any products not designed for intimate play and lubricants/vaginal moisturisers that cotnain irritating ingredients such as glcyerin, glycols and parabens.
How to orgasm during sex
With all your learned knowledge from exploring yourself with your fingers and with sex toys, you can teach your partner how to touch you during sex! The key is being vocal about what you want, making it clear to your partner what feels good and what doesn’t.
Don’t focus on having an orgasm either: stay in the moment with your partner. Trying to focus on climaxing can actually prevent one from happening as you put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable, intimate moment shared between you and your partner to be enjoyed!
Just remember that sex isn’t limited to penetrative sex, it includes all forms of sexual intimacy. Engaging in lots of luscious foreplay prior to intercourse may make it easier for you to climax as your levels of arousal are higher, or you might orgasm during oral sex!
Different positions sexual positions can also help you to reach orgasm. The Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) provides stimulation to both the clitoris and the G-Spot. It might sound complicated, but it can be achieved during missionary sex. The clitoral stimulation comes from the man’s pubic bone as he thrusts up in a curved motion as opposed to a basic backward-forward movement.
Using sex toys during sex play is also a great way to mix things up and increase your chances of achieving an orgasm. Clitoral stimulators and bullets are discreet enough to slip between the two of you during sex.
Cock rings are also great toys that aim to enhance your sexual pleasure, as they increase the size of his erection and prolong his orgasm too. Both non-vibrating and vibrating cock rings also provide clitoral stimulation for her, such as the Hot Octopuss Atom Plus and the JeJoue Mio respectively.
Lubricant is also another way to enhancing your sexual pleasure, and it could potentially prolong your sex sessions, again increasing your chances of achieving an orgasm.
What could be preventing an orgasm?
If you’re still finding it hard to achieve an orgasm despite sufficient stimulation, there could be physical and psychological reasons as to why climaxing isn’t happening for you.
Medication, health issues and stress can all negatively impact on your libido and your ability to orgasm. Body image issues and general hang ups concerning your sexual ability and performance could also be preventing you from climaxing.
There is, however, a condition known as anorgasmia that means a woman cannot achieve an orgasm at all, yet this doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy sexual pleasure and intimacy.
A happy and healthy mind and body will lead to a happy and healthy sex life, so it’s important to be proactive when medical or relationship issues surface. Letting go of your inhibitions may seem like a daunting task, but it will lead to better sex and hopefully more orgasms as you will be more able to lose yourself in the moment.