Most couples have experienced an embarrassing moment during sex or foreplay which they would quite happily forget. Here are a few that may sound familiar.
Mastering the art of bra removal
The clothes won’t come off! You know the scenario, he goes for the bra hook which is actually at the front, your earring gets stuck in your hair when he tries to remove your blouse, the zip on his trousers gets stuck and you nearly blind him with a stiletto heel when you try to kick your sexy shoes off!
My husband of 16 years has never managed to master my bra hooks. Mastering bra hooks is a technique many men have spent much of their life trying to work out. The recent invention of a bra that opens when someone claps may be a great invention for men but not for the wearer as it can open at any clapping sound which might be rather awkward!
You know the pair of knickers I’m talking about: the ones that should be consigned to the bin but are just too comfortable. They should never be seen by anyone but yourself. He suddenly suggests a little impromptu sexual activity and before you know it, your granny pants are on display. Most men probably wouldn’t notice, being too intent on getting them off you. You could joke about him saying you look sexy in anything or remove them in a flash and hurl them into the darkest corner of the room. Or you could excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to remove them discreetly and then surprise him by being commando. That should spice things up and make him forget the sight of the dreaded undies!
Fumbling, stumbling and tumbling
Remember, sex in real life is not perfect, unlike film sex which is choreographed. Real sex is two people joining together in intimacy and pleasure. We’ve all been there, when he leans over to kiss you, he lies on your hair pulling it painfully, you trip on the way to the bed, then fall off the other side. You bang your head on the headboard when he start to move inside you, you accidentally grasp his nether regions a little too firmly and make his eyes water!
If either of you injures each other, apologise and move on. It will be one of those funny memories consigned to your history to be shared and smiled at later.
The windy situation
Whoever says this has never happened to them is lying! It’s a natural bodily function and we don’t always have control over it. If you happen to break wind, just say ‘oops’, lie still and allow it to dissipate or blame the cat or dog if you have one!
Another gas related moment is the queef. A queef is a vaginal fart caused by air being released in a farting sound by the vagina. It doesn’t smell and can be big or little depending on the amount of air trapped inside your vagina waiting to be released. It is a natural phenomenon and shouldn’t affect your sexual activity. Have a giggle about it and keep going.
The awkward interruption
When somebody walks in on you during the act of sexual intercourse, it can be embarrassing, be it a child, big or small, a parent or house guest.
If it is a young child, they will probably not realise what you are doing and you may be able to gloss over the moment. If they don’t willingly leave the room and want to tell you exactly how their new Thomas the Tank Engine works or look at Barbie’s new hairstyle, you have to admit defeat and try later.
If the young child sees quite a bit, you may need to explain in simple terms how Mummy and Daddy need some cuddling time by themselves and how important it is for them to have this quiet time together without children.
A teenager will be completely mortified if they walk in on you and will want to erase the moment from their mind immediately! You can apologise later when you are dressed but you will be guaranteed they won’t repeat the incident again. Suggest ways to avoid it happening again, like knocking before entering and afford them the same respect when entering their room too. This will mean they are more likely to cooperate if you treat their privacy in the same way.
Whatever embarrassing moment befalls you and your partner, these will become the stories you can share to make each other laugh and we all know laughter is really good for you.