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Better Sex Over 50

Better Sex Over 50 | Jo Divine

Sex over the age of 50 can present challenges which may discourage you, but with better understanding and an open mind you can still enjoy a physically and emotionally fulfilling sex life whatever your age.

Being intimate with your partner is ageless. Sex at 70 or 80 may not be the emotional and physical whirlwind it may have been at 20; on the contrary, it may be even more amazing. As you grow older, your self awareness and self confidence increases and you become wiser, knowing what works best for you when it comes to sex. By accepting and celebrating who you are, you will reap the benefits of independence and self confidence that come with age which can be attractive to your spouse or potential partners. The two things which may have bought you greatest joy in your life, children and career, become less prevalent and relationships take on a greater significance in your life.

Sex has the power to improve mental and physical health by burning fat and prompting the release of endorphins which make you feel happy, thus reducing anxiety and stress. A good sex life can add years to your life because of the benefits it gives to health. It can reinforce your relationship by creating a sense of well being between you and your partner.

Seek help

Many older people turn away from sexual encounters as they age because they worry about sex for a variety of reasons.

No matter what your age, losing your desire for intimacy and touch is not normal and may be a sign of a medical problem, best addressed by your doctor. Don’t let embarrassment get in the way when some problems can be solved simply and quickly.

Medical conditions, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, hormonal problems, depression or anxiety can all have an impact upon sexual desire but strategies can be put in place to combat these issues. Some medications can inhibit sexual response such as sexual desire, ability to become aroused and orgasmic function but many of these can be easily overcome by switching to an alternative medication with fewer side effects.

Communicate

As bodies and feelings change over the age of 50, it is even more important to communicate with your partner about your fears, desires and thoughts. Speaking openly about sex may feel uncomfortable but it can bring you and your partner closer together and make sex more pleasurable. Just talking about sex can make you feel sexy and trying some of the following strategies may help:

  • Gentle teasing using humour and even tickling can open up the dialogue about sex. Being honest with each other about how you are feeling and what you want from your sex life can encourage trust, promoting a deeper sense of bonding.
  • Discuss any new ideas you’d like to try with your partner and be open to their suggestions within reason. Our older years can be a time of creativity and passion, less distractions and more time to explore new ideas.
  • Living in the 21st century, we are surrounded by so much information about sex, but you may have grown up in a society when discussion about sex was taboo. You may find that by talking openly about your needs and desires with your partner you can improve your connection both physically and emotionally.

Intimacy and physical touch

A good sex life at any age isn’t just about the physical act of sex, it is also about intimacy and touch, both of which can benefit anyone. By letting go of expectations of what your sex life should be like, you are more likely to improve your sex life.

Starting with a romantic dinner or breakfast or sharing romantic or erotic literature and poetry before lovemaking is a powerful way to connect with each other.

Holding hands or touching your partner often and telling them what you love about them will build your connection. Avoid criticising your partner, focusing on the positive way they make you feel, rather than assigning blame.

Relax together, either by massage or taking a bath. Relaxation promotes confidence and comfort, both of which help vaginal dryness and erectile dysfunction.

Sex is not just about penetrative sex which is only one way to have fulfilling sex. This may not be possible for some couples because of physical and emotional problems, therefore touching, kissing and other intimate sexual contact such as masturbation and oral sex can be just as rewarding. You need to find out what works for you now, not what worked when you were younger.

Experiment with different sexual positions you both find comfortable and pleasurable. Using a great lubricant for vaginal dryness will really help. If deep penetration feels uncomfortable, try being on top of your partner so you can control the depth of penetration or try a spooning position to prevent deeper penetration.

Be aware of what your sexual lubricant is made from, even products available on prescription as some may not be pH balanced to the pH of the vagina or may have a high osmolarity which can cause them to be irritating to the delicate tissues of the vulva and vagina.

Changing your routine can be both refreshing and enhance your sex life. Try having sex at a different time of day when you both have more energy or when medication, such as pain relief, has had time to work. Early morning sex can wake you up and create a sense of well being for the rest of the day rather than later evening when your energy levels begin to flag and sex becomes hard work.

Make sex fun with playfulness. Introduce new elements to your sex life, such as massage candles, a good lubricant, a well made sex toy, both for him and her and maybe role play. Try a couples toy, such as the Pulse III Duo.

Without the restrictions of long working hours and family responsibilities you can be adventurous as you like, dipping into your inner self, try having sex in the kitchen or outdoors, the possibilities are endless!

When you go through the menopause and beyond, some elasticity is lost from the walls of the vagina, making sex uncomfortable. If penetrative sex is painful, Silicone dilators can help or not possible, masturbation is just as effective, either by using your hands, a vibrator or dildo to help stretch the vaginal walls.

Doing regular kegel exercises using kegel balls or Lelo Luna Smart Bead can improve the elasticity of the walls of the vagina and improve your sex life by tightening the vagina, thus enhancing your sexual pleasure.

Going for long periods without an erection can deprive the penis of the oxygen rich blood it requires for good sexual function. This may lead to the build up of hard tissue within the muscle cells, something akin to scar tissue, which interferes with the ability to become erect when blood flow is increased. Regular masturbation is important to keep the blood flowing even if the penis is only semi erect. Try using a penis pump such as Bathmate Hydromax to exercise your penis and prevent ED or consider the Pulse III Solo Essential, ideal when you are unable to get an erection

POWERECT is a specifically formulated, easy-to-apply topical cream made with 100% natural ingredients for men who require extra support in the heat of the moment and prefer not to or cannot take pills, available in single dose sachets or a pump dispenser.

Jump start your sex life

Some older couples give up on their sex life due to emotional and medical conditions but this need not be the case.

Emotional obstacles such as stress, anxiety and depression can affect your sexual interest and ability to become aroused. By talking through these issues with either your partner, family or professional counsellor, you may be able to overcome the problem or at least share the burden with another person, therefore feeling less overwhelmed.

Body image can pose a problem, making you feel less attractive to your partner but many people don’t notice these changes, accepting you and loving you for who you are. Some partners may prefer the way you are now and love all your wobbly bits which represent the life you have had and the wonderful family you have raised. By accepting these changes as being natural, you will not only feel better but will become more attractive to others. Confidence and honesty can be both sexy and appealing.

Worrying about your sexual performance or whether you are worthy of sexual attention from your partner can lead to impotence in men or lack of arousal or orgasm in women. Talking to your partner about these worries will let them know why you are reluctant to have sex rather than making them feel rejected.

Erectile dysfunction, hot flushes or vaginal dryness are all natural changes and can be overcome. You can explore ways to make you feel less self conscious of your changing body.

Rather than procrastinating about having sex, which will only lead to further anxiety, just have sex. Once you start having sex regularly, things will improve and you will begin to enjoy sex, look forward to having it and your sex drive will increase.

Diet, Exercise and Health

Being physically fit will improve your sex drive and health by promoting circulation, strengthening bones and building muscle. Exercising together can help you encourage each other and reinforce your relationship, bringing you both together. Exercise can also change your body shape enhancing your confidence and therefore your sexual appeal to your partner. It can improve your stamina, allowing you to continue for longer during sexual intercourse and promote an overall sense of well being to your body both emotionally and physically.

Smoking can impede blood flow throughout the body, including the penis, clitoris and vaginal tissues which can affect sexual function. Women who smoke tend to go through menopause two years earlier than their non smoking counterpart. Your doctor or practice nurse can help you to quit through no smoking programmes using nicotine patches or gum or hypnotherapy. Quitting smoking will also improve your general health.

Overeating or indulging in a high fat diet leads to high cholesterol and obesity, both major risk factors in cardiovascular disease. Being overweight can lead to poor self image, lethargy and low libido. Cutting down on a fatty diet can help you lose weight, boost your confidence and increase libido.

Often choosing a healthy eating lifestyle is much easier to do together as you can encourage each other.

Good sex over 50 is safe sex over 50

Incidences of sexually transmitted diseases in the 50-90 age group have more than doubled in the last decade as over 80% report that they are sexually active. This age group holds the fastest growing users of online dating services and the use of Viagra helps to enhance sexual function in penis owners. Many older people feel there is no need to practice safe sex as they can’t get pregnant but they fail to realise that safe sex protects you against many sexually transmitted diseases.

It has been found that 20% of all HIV patients are in this age group which is 11% higher than cases reported in 2011. There are also higher incidences of chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and syphilis. That annoying urinary problem or lower abdominal pain may be due to your age or it could be something more sinister and older people need to be more aware of this.

Using a condom is important, especially for anyone who is dating or enjoying casual sex after a long term relationship, marriage or when their partner dies. Knowing symptoms of sexual transmitted diseases, knowing where to get checked and seeking medical advice and treament is important too. It is important to use a condom/dental dam for oral sex as the human papillovirus (HPV) can be transmitted through oral sex and can cause head, throat and neck cancers. Older people have not had the benefit of the HPV immunisation that younger generations have so are at more risk.

Sex in your older years should be practised as safely as you did when you were in the first flourish of your youth.

Don’t give up

Don’t give up hope if none of your efforts work. Your doctor can often diagnose the problem and recommend suitable treatments or refer you to a sex therapist who can help you explore issues that may be blocking your path to leading a fulfilling sex life.