My family complain, Diary, but I love Christmas – so as soon as December arrives I’m there getting it out. The Christmas tree I mean! I love decorating it whilst dancing along to cheesy Christmas songs and these days I get to do it all by myself which secretly I prefer.
When the kids were little I let them help me, reluctantly. It was cute I suppose, the way their eyes lit up at each new decoration but they never hung them properly. So as soon as they went to bed I’d be tweaking the tinsel, the lights and decorations until it was balanced just right.
December the first was busy this year, Diary, and I nearly decided to leave the tree until the second… but as I sat drinking from a cup of mulled wine I decided I couldn’t break with tradition and sent Mr D into the loft to get down the tree and the trimmings. He moaned heartily all the time but I ignored him.
We used to have real trees once upon a time but the dropped needles soon outweighed the tree smell and these days I have a perfectly pretty plastic one instead. It takes a little effort to put it together and fan out the branches but once that was done I got down to the fun bit.
I found out why Mr Divine was grumpy the moment I put on my Christmas CD.
“The footie’s on tonight, love. Can you turn your music off.”
I looked at him, he looked at me and it was a stand-off. After a few minutes of bickering we came to a compromise. He’d watch his football with the sound off and I’d play my festive tunes. Sorted. Most of the time he was perfectly happy. It’s just unfortunate that the perfect Christmas tree location is in the corner just beside the TV and every now and again I’d have to move around and obscure his view.
A grunt or groan usually got me to move but there was one particularly annoying ornament that I struggled to loop round the branch so I was stood in front of the telly longer than I liked.
“Oh, come on, I’m missing it all!” He snapped.
“Keep your hair on, I’m nearly done.” I replied impatiently. Luckily I got out of the way just before the ball hit the back of the net so although he mumbled about missing the build-up he did see the goal. At half time I was up to the tinsel hanging part of proceedings. Usually he helps with that but clearly he was still sulking as he sat staring at the telly pundits, even though he couldn’t hear what they said.
At the end of the tinsel twirling I had one long piece of gold left. I twirled the lights round next and finally turned them on. It was finished. Hubs was glad when I turned off the music and he could turn up the volume on the telly. As I packed away and picked up the lone string of tinsel, a wicked idea came to mind.
I looped it round my neck and stalked over to him.
“What are you doing?” He asked, but I winked, knelt at his feet and then grabbed his hands in mine. He was still watching the telly so I had the tinsel looped round his wrists before he realised. He didn’t struggle as I tied a knot to hold his wrists together he just watched me.
I don’t think he saw the end of that match as I practised my candy cane sucking technique on him and then took advantage of him in his helpless (ish) tied up state. He didn’t mind though, and I was thrilled to have a second, exciting use for my tinsel!