At the onset of a new relationship, the sex can be amazing but after a few years the passion can wane and, for a wide variety of reasons, watching the TV may feel more compelling than a night of passion under the sheets. Everyone has a dip in their sexual libido at some point in their life but a continual slide into having no sex at all can be stopped in its tracks by undoing some of these all too common bedroom bad habits.
Don’t leave the bathroom door open!
You may feel really comfortable with your partner but there is a limit to the things he or she should see and vice versa. Trimming your bikini line if you don’t wax or bleaching that lip hair is not sexy and should remain under wraps as should seeing your partner cutting their toenails or cleaning their ears with a cotton bud as if they were excavating a mine!
Ditch those flannel sheep print PJ’s
If you go to bed dressed in unflattering nightwear, you will feel unsexy. You don’t need to wear your slinky night gown every night but try to make an effort at least once a week. If you dress in flannel pyjamas and big fluffy dressing gowns for comfort and warmth, turn the heating up or put a thicker duvet on the bed. You’ll soon warm up after a few minutes under the covers with your partner!
Remove the zoo of stuffed animals from the bed
A bed covered with plush toys indicates that it is a place for cuddling, not passion. It can be very off putting to be stared at by a cuddly giraffe whilst trying to ignite sparks of passion between you! It’s fine to have one or two toys in your room but not all over the bed. Create an atmosphere of sexual pleasure that suits both of you. Your boudoir can still be feminine but sexy and grown up too. Keep your favourite sex toy and some great lubrication close by in the bedside drawer to help spice up the action and maybe include a toy for him too.
Don’t leave the TV on
Cuddling up together, you, him and the TV is not very conducive to sex. An Italian study found that couples who have a TV in the bedroom have sex 50% less often than those who don’t. Watching TV together in your intimate space can divert you from a sense of intimacy with your partner, unless you are watching a naughty DVD. Keeping your bedroom for your sexual pleasure is important and if you can’t remove the TV from your bedroom, cover it with a scarf.
Don’t fake that orgasm!
Your partner has been trying his best for the last hour but you are nowhere near to having an orgasm because you are tired or feel stressed. Don’t be tempted to fake one, it can create space between you and your partner. Tell your partner that it is just not happening this evening, but not as a result of his technique. You don’t always need to have an orgasm every time you make love but it is nice to have one. Satisfy yourself by using your hands or a sex toy to achieve an orgasm. Many men will relish being privy to such a display and he may even get ideas on how to pleasure you quicker. If you never orgasm, you need to find out the root of the problem and remedy it. It could be something really simple which can be easily resolved. Never fake your orgasm just to satisfy your man, you will just feel dissatisfied. He will either feel bad about you faking it or never learn what he can to do to make you climax.
Don’t discuss your past sexual history
Being honest in bed doesn’t mean you have to tell your partner everything. You may want to boost your partner’s ego by comparing him to your former lovers and telling him how amazing he is, but it is wiser to avoid mentioning any previous partners. He’ll be picturing you in bed with another man which will distract him. Keeping quiet is best all round and allows your partner to think he is the best you have ever had. Sex with a confident partner is so much better than sex with one who is obsessing if they are as good or worse than your ex!
If you would like him to do something a former lover has tried, don’t say, “…………. used to do this to me, just say “I really like it when you do this”. We all like to be special and not another name on a list.
Your children don’t need all of your attention
When your child comes along, you love them unconditionally but that doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner any less: you probably love him more because you created this beautiful bundle of joy together. It can be overwhelming trying to survive the preschool years when you are feeling completely and utterly exhausted nurturing your child or children and there is often little left in your emotional bank for your partner. But once you stop saying yes to sex, your relationship will suffer. Research has shown that children raised within a family where the parents demonstrate a loving relationship towards each other are happier and more confident and have a healthier view of adult relationships when they get older.
Time together as a couple is really important and you can be intimate with each other without having full sexual intercourse. Having a great sex life after having children is really important and not just to satisfy your partner but for your own sexual satisfaction. It may feel different, perhaps even better but having sex with someone who is focused on your pleasure will make you feel more yummy mummy and less mummy bear!
He’s your partner, not your girlfriend!
Does your man really want to comment about “Does my bum look big in this?” and “Should I really buy these shoes?” after you have tried on 10 pairs in the shoe shop? He’s not likely to be in the mood for sex when you get home and neither will you. You probably love shopping with friends and he is your best friend but he may not be the best person to do these things with. But if you go shopping together for sexy lingerie or a new sex toy, you’ll both be in the mood when you get home!
You can’t expect him to empathise about the politics in your place of work, because he just isn’t as naturally attuned to your emotional needs as your girlfriends will be. Remember, his body and what he can do with it has the ability to make you feel really good!
Try to avoid some or all of the above and you’ll soon reignite your sexual spark into a roaring flame!