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Sex is meant to be noisy, messy, consensual, pleasurable and most of all fun but people often find their sex life becomes boring over time. However you can change that by talking to your partner, sharing and exploring fantasies, using good sexual lubricants and sex toys, seeking medical advice if you experience sexual issues including painful sex, low libido, decreased sexual sensation or erectile dysfunction and getting regular sexual health checks to help you enjoy great sex.
Communication is so important in relationships. When we stop talking, problems start to arise, especially within our sex lives. No one can mind read so tell each other how you are feeling and what you like. Tell each other what feels good, what you would like to do to each other, where you love to be kissed and what you like about each other’s bodies. You may both be surprised about what is said if you are honest with each other. Most people need guidance so showing each other what you like,watching your partner can be a huge turn on.
Don’t assume what turned a previous partner on will work for your current partner, we are all unique. Consent is very sexy and essential to good sex.
Even if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, relationships and feelings change, what may have felt pleasurable may no longer work for you so don’t stay quiet in case you hurt their feelings, being honest will improve your sexual pleasure together.
If you have a certain sexual fantasy or have heard or read about a new position that you want to try, talk about it with your partner before having sex. Don’t feel pressured to try it out straight away, either- make sure the mood is right. You may find it just doesn’t work for you but you can have a giggle trying out new things. Sex should be fun, noisy, messy and pleasurable, not an act you’ve seen in a film or in porn.
Sexual lubricants are often seen as fixing a problem when they can completely transform your sex play. So many women can feel aroused but still not have adequate lubrication to make sex feel pleasurable and there is nothing pleasurable about painful sex. The assumption that young women should be instantly wet is nonsense as vaginal lubrication is affected by anxiety, stress, illness, disease, side effects of medication and hormonal changes.
Not all lubricants are the same, many contain irritating ingredients that will damage your intimate health and sexual pleasure. Many commercially available and well known sexual lubricants contain glycerin and glycols, both of which are vaginal irritants and can cause infection such as thrush. Parabens is a preservative that we need to avoid too.The same goes for coloured and perfumed lubricants, nothing worse than an itching/burning vulva or penis! Use warming and cooling lubes with caution, just do a skin test before use and if any lube starts to burn, sting or itch, wash it off. Become an ingredients detective and check the ingredient label on lubes. Some brands try to blind you with science by using really long words or different descriptions for their ingredients to hide what they are but a quick google search will tell you if it is an irritating ingredient. You may need to try a few before finding one that works for you and a partner.
Using a good sexual lubricant like SUTIL Luxe or YES organic lubricants can completely transform your sex life, making it feel more pleasurable and helping you to last longer too. Oil based lubricants are not condom compatible so use either water based products or a silicone lubricant if using condoms. It is advisable to avoid using silicone lubricants with silicone sex toys as it can degrade the silicone.
Introducing sex toys to your sex play is a great way to enhance your sexual pleasure, but don’t just whip out a vibrator during foreplay, talk about it together, pay a visit to a sex toy shop or go online. Some men can feel threatened about sex toys, often believing they will be replaced which couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex toys enhance your sex play and pleasure but offering sexual stimulation not possible during sex. If your partner struggles to orgasm during penetrative sex, try using a small bullet sex toy for clitoral stimulation or wear a vibrating constriction ring.
Male sex toys can add different sexual sensations into your sex play too.
If sharing sex toys, use a condom on it or wash it thoroughly to prevent transmission of infection.
Some people suffer from latex allergies due to the prevalence of latex found in most condoms and surgical gloves, some sex toys and bondage products. How ever many believe they are allergic to condoms when it is the irritating ingredients on the condom or the one they are usign with the condom.
Get lubricant savvy and always check the label. Try a skin test before use to avoid an allergic reaction and always choose skin safe sex toys made from silicone, glass, metal or ABS plastic and pH balanced sexual lubricants free from irritating ingredients to enhance your sexual pleasure, not damage it.
Sexual performance can be a big problem for many people of all ages for a wide range of reasons. There are so many reasons why you may experience sexual function issues from feeling anxious, poor body confidence, stress, illness, disease, painful sex, side effects of medication and your lifestyle.
Often women can find sex painful because they are not well lubricated or may be experiencing vaginismus
It is well known that Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is more common as men get older but it is not necessarily a normal part of ageing. In the UK, it is estimated that 20 men out of every 100 will experience erectile dysfunction problems of some sort during their lives. Recent research has found that sexual performance problems are far more prevalent among men under 40 years than previously thought as a result of stress. Many common sex fears are easy to overcome.
Often the problem goes away with little or no treatment but if ED is an ongoing problem, you need to seek medical advice as it could be a symptom of a serious, underlying medical problem, such as heart disease, diabetes or depression. If you are unable to get an erection under any circumstances, it is likely that the underlying cause is physical.
Performance anxiety is a huge issue for many men but often only happens in certain situations.They can get an erection when masturbating, when watching pornography or have nocturnal erections but are unable to get an erection with their sexual partner.
If this is the case, the underlying cause of erectile dysfunction is psychological, usually caused by stress.
It is important for couples to be honest with each other and communicate their fears and worries. Often sharing feelings of anxiety can help ease them and make seeking medical advice easier. It can help couples to renegotiate their sexual relationship to ensure they can still maintain sexual intimacy and pleasure even if coital sex is not possible.
According to research at the University of Adelaide in Australia, men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED) can successfully reverse the effects of their problem by making “lifestyle changes”: and avoid the need for medication. Popping a little blue pill will not help if you have a low libido. You need to feel aroused for ED medication to work.
Lifestyle and stress management treatments include sexual anxiety counselling with a sex therapist, psychological counselling, maintaining a healthy weight through diet and exercise- taking regular exercise can help reduce stress, stop smoking and decreasing alcohol consumption.
All of the above improve body confidence too.
Losing weight can make your “penis longer too”: articles/mens-sexual-health/no-need-to-go-under-the-knife-for-a-larger-penis. A large pre-pubic fat pad can make the penile shaft look shorter, in effect, burying the penis.Many doctors often motivate their patients to lose weight by telling them that they will gain at least an inch in size by simply losing weight.
Regular use of a penis pump like Bathmate Hydromax can improve the quality and firmness of your erections, strength of your orgasms and enable you to last longer in addition to preventing ED.
Exercising regularly will not only make you feel better, boosting your sexual confidence, but can also help with weight loss, reduce high blood pressure, stress and anxiety, improving overall health and well-being. Any form of anaerobic exercise that increases your heart rate is beneficial, including cycling, running, brisk walking and swimming.
People who incorporate sex toys into their sex life either for solo play or with a partner are more proactive about having sexual health checks. Knowing what feels normal for you helps you recognise when something is wrong, prompting you to seek medical advice.
From checking your testicles and penis in the shower for lumps and bumps, to knowing the signs and symptoms of prostate cancer and your familial risk to developing it to having regular STI checks, can help you keep healthy, happy and enjoy better sexual intimacy and pleasure.
The majority of testicular lumps are completely benign, however seeking medical advice is important.
Erectile problems are very common, many of which are easily overcome but seek medical advice as there may be a more serious underlying cause, such as heart disease or diabetes.
Don’t let embarrassment hold you back from seeking medical advice, men generally avoid discussing bodily functions with their mates. Your GP has seen it all before and it is best to seek help, even if it is just to be reassured that your problem is normal or poses no threat to your health.
The same goes for anyone with a vulva or vagina, recognising the symptoms of gynaecological cancers is so important so check your vulva on a regular basis for any signs of genital skin changes, any abnormal symptoms or bleeding especially post menopausal or post sex, check your breasts at the same time every month and attend your cervical screening appointment if you have a cervix, whatever your sexual orientation.
Sex and Covid-19
Terrence Higgins Trust ( August 2020) have published much-needed guidance on having sex while managing the risk of COVID-19 as the coronavirus pandemic and resulting social distancing continues. In partnership with sexual health clinic 56 Dean Street they found that 84% of people had not had sex with anyone outside their immediate household and with some restrictions still in place but slowly lifting it is not feasible to continue to ask people to refrain from having sex.
While stating that it is best that someone in your household is the best partner, the new guidance includes practical advice like sticking with one partner or as few partners as possible. It’s also clear that if either person is feeling unwell, then they shouldn’t have sex. Also wear a mask, avoid kissing, have sex in positions that avoid face to face contact, as well as using condoms or dams for oral sex and rimming. Strict hand washing should be adhered to.
They also strongly recommend getting a sexual health checkup before having sex again, either at a sexual health clinic, some are offering face to face appointments or you can do a free home test kit which are available by post.