How To Have The Sex You Really Want
Talking about sex can be awkward for many people, but it can be even harder discussing it with the most important person you need to: your partner. If you’ve been with your partner for a longer period of time, it can be an even tougher conversation to have as you may be wary of hurting their feelings.
However, keeping quiet about your sexual desires isn’t going to make them happen, so it’s time to take control of your sex life and start having better sex!
Be delicate but direct
Ultimately, you aren’t going to be having completely satisfying sex if you don’t ask for what you want. Your partner is not a mind reader, no matter how many signals you may think that you are sending out. Sit down with your partner and tell them what you might like to try- experimenting sexually can be a fun bonding experience that will bring you closer together. Furthermore, your partner may want to try similar things too, it’s just neither of you had the courage to speak up until now!
If your partner has some suggestions to bring to the bedroom, embrace them! However, if something really doesn’t sound to your taste, don’t be dismissive: be gentle with your reproach. Good sex (and good relationships) revolve around positive communication
Instead of being negative, be more tactful. Research for alternatives together ; remember, if it was hard for you to express your desires it will probably be equally difficult for your partner to have done the same, so treat the conversation delicately.
Don’t put the pressure on each other
Once you’ve finished talking about how you’d like to explore your sex life differently, don’t feel the need to overturn the coffee table and rip each other’s clothes off immediately! Both of you should feel comfortable and completely ready to indulge these new fantasies. It will be far more enjoyable for all parties involved if everyone’s into it!
It’s ok if the first time isn’t the best
Think back to your first ever sexual experience: was it the best sex that you’ve ever had? Probably not.
If you and your partner are experimenting with something entirely new, such as bondage, it’s more than likely that it won’t be perfect the first time. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll never have a good S&M experience.
Be open minded with your experimentation, trying a range of activities and positions until you find the perfect fit.
Stay in the moment
When trying something new, it can be really easy to get hung up on little insecurities. You may be thinking, “Am I doing this right?” or “Do I look ok?, and while it may be easier to say rather than do, you need to focus on the moment at hand.
What’s more, getting lost in the moment as you and your partner explore each other’s bodies in different ways will improve your intimacy as well as your overall relationship. Sharing your innermost fantasies together in every way is a great way to bond, bringing you closer together.
If you have low self-esteem and find it hard to overcome your body hang-ups, focus on how your partner responds to your body. If they’re touching you and are clearly turned on by your figure, then this can give you a little body-positive boost!
Many men have low genital self esteem, believing that they can only satisfy their partner if they have a huge penis. Even though many surveys show that women aren’t concerned about how big their partner’s penis is, many men unecessarily worry about their size.
Make some noise
Putting it bluntly, if something does or doesn’t feel good during sex, tell your partner. You’ve been brave enough to suggest trying something new, so don’t lose your voice now!
If something doesn’t feel good, tell or show your partner where and how to touch you, and conversely if something feels really good let them know to keep stimulating a specific area.
What may have felt good several years ago might not work for you now which is why you need to tell your partner.
It may feel a little strange if you’re not used to being dominant during sex, but communication is key when it comes to getting what you want.
Remember to have fun
At the end of the day, experimenting sexually is going to lead to you and your partner having better sex, whether that incorporates your initial fantasies or opens up new possibilities. Keeping a positive mind and attitude will help you to have and enjoy the sex you want!