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Stop faking those orgasms!

Stop faking those orgasms! | Jo Divine

Faking your orgasm benefits no one!

A new survey by Cosmopolitan (2015) has revealed that 67% of the 2,300 women surveyed have faked their orgasm. However, almost all the women surveyed had experienced an orgasm at some point during their lives.

Some women (28%) said they did this to spare their partner’s feelings, but 27% revealed that they did it to end the sex session more quickly.

57% of women said they orgasmed most or every time, and 95% believed that their partner orgasmed every time they had sexual intercourse.

Whilst 78% believed that their partner cared about giving them pleasure, a whopping 72% of women confessed that their partners have climaxed without helping them to achieve orgasm too, and 72% admitted they have experienced selfish sex with their partner.

Many women experienced their first orgasm through masturbation, accidental rubbing on furniture or water jets in bath.

It is no surprise that women in same sex relationships enjoy many more orgasms than those in heterosexual relationships. Research by Nichols (2013) found that heterosexual women don’t expect to have an orgasm, while women in gay relationships expect to orgasm every time. So if the expectation is that both partners will orgasm, time and effort is spent during foreplay and oral sex to make sure it happens.

Reasons given for not achieving an orgasm with their partner range from:

  • “I feel like I’m almost there but can’t quite get over the edge” – 50%
  • “Not enough clitoral stimulation”- 38%
  • “Not the right kind of clitoral stimulation”-35%
  • “I’m too focused in my own head or focused on how I look” – 32%

How most women orgasm

  • Masturbating with sex toy or hand – 39%
  • Vaginal intercourse and clitoral stimulation -20%
  • Vaginal intercourse, no clitoral stimulation – 15%
  • Receiving oral sex – 12%
  • Partner using their hand – 9%
  • Partner using sex toy on me – 2%
  • 0ther – 3%

This survey reveals the lengths that women will go to, to protect their partner’s feelings. However, by doing so, they are missing out on fantastic, health-giving orgasms. Start enjoying great sex by following the tips below!

Be honest

Tell your partner they are not hitting the right spot. Constantly faking it will lead them to believe that what they are doing is right, and they will continue to carry on in this way unless you show them or tell them what to do.

Rather than faking your orgasm, you should be showing your partner what feels good for you. Most people appreciate a little guidance when it comes to pleasuring their partner. Hearing your moans of pleasure when they hit the right spot will turn them on even more.

Spice things up

Most people are happy to incorporate sex toys into their sex play when they realise that they are not being replaced! Sex toys enhance sexual pleasure and showing your partner how you use your vibrator and what it can do for you both will increase your sexual arousal and excitement.

By teaching your partner how to pleasure you with your vibrator and using it during sex play, you will enjoy better sexual stimulation and may experience stronger, more powerful and more frequent orgasms.

Try a sex toy, such as a small clitoral stimulator you can slip between you and your partner to use on your clitoris, or a vibrating cock ring which will give waves of pleasure for both of you. Many people like gadgets, and the new range of remote control sex toys by are sure to get them interested but are you brave enough to let someone else be in control of your pleasure?

Foreplay is fun

Mutual masturbation is a huge turn-on for couples: not only does it enable you and your partner to see each other in pure self-pleasure, it also can help you both pick up a few tips and tricks on how to really send each other over the edge.

Spend time having foreplay fun and achieve your orgasm first. This often makes your vagina swell and tighten, making sex more pleasurable for him but also enables you to feel more relaxed and satisfied, and so will probably enjoy sex more, rather than constantly thinking about your orgasm.

On the other hand you might come again, which is even better!

Use plenty of lubrication

Massaging sexual lubrication into your clitoris feels fabulous and will enable you to enjoy great stimulation. Using a lubricant, such as YES organic lubricant during sex can make it feel more pleasurable and last longer, giving him more time to stimulate you in a way you love.

Stop the head chatter

Too many people have an on going dialogue in their head they can’t switch off. Press the stop button and concentrate on the wonderful sexual sensations coursing through your body rather than on the pile of ironing, what to make for dinner tomorrow or workplace issues!

Stop concentrating and let yourself go

Sex should just come naturally, to forgive the pun, and shouldn’t require a lot of work.

One of the stumbling blocks to achieving an orgasm is that we are so worried about it. We need to switch the chatter off in our heads to allow the waves of pleasure flow through our body. If you are constantly thinking, “Am I there yet? Will it happen? When will it happen?” you won’t orgasm. Just let go and enjoy the moment.

Sex doesn’t have to last hours

Contrary to belief, sex doesn’t have to last hours. Many couples enjoy satisfying sexual intercourse which lasts between 3-13 minutes, according to Penn State Erie researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani (2008).

Some people find sex boring when it lasts for long periods of time, wanting it it to end quicker which is why they fake their orgasm. This is when they switch off and start making a shopping list in their head!

Long periods of sexual activity can cause vaginal soreness and dryness if there is inadequate lubrication, leading to pain and discomfort. Using a good quality lubricant such as YES organic lubricant can help ease any discomfort and make sex feel more pleasurable.

If you only have time for quickie sex, then three minute sex is perfect and can be extremely satisfying but not if you don’t enjoy it too!

What’s great about Anal?

It is all about preference when it comes to anal sex. Dropping the soap, dancing the chocolate cha cha, punching the starfish, slipping in the back door, stirring the peanut butter – anal sex has long been the subject of taboo and comedy euphemism, yet this sensitive part of the male and female anatomy also holds the key to exploration of a new erogenous zone.

The skin of the perineum, surroundings of the anus, internal valves and indeed the prostate are packed with pleasure-sensitive nerve endings that can be stimulated alone or in combination with genital regions to create mind-blowing orgasms. Curious about anal? Try using a small anal vibrator around the anus with plenty of lubricant to start and thene xpkand your sexplorations with using bigger sex toys or enjoying anal sex with a partner.

Your partner loves you, wobbly bits and all!

Worrying about what you look like in bed is the last thing on your partner’s mind. Partners are attracted to people of different shapes and sizes and find it draining when you obsess about your lack of breasts, big tummy and wobbly bottom. They tend to notice your beautiful smile, sexy ‘come to bed’ eyes, pretty feet, funny laugh and sexy neck!

Losing control in bed can be difficult for some women who have it in their head that they need to look like an ideal type, and spend their time focusing on the negative aspects of their bodies rather than celebrate the parts they actually like and look good.

You can’t be worried about what you look like, how you sound or even what you are doing if you are going to be able to enjoy yourself. Your partner will enjoy sex more if you do too.

Concentrating on the great aspects of your body will increase your body confidence. Being confident and loving your body is very sexy and will make you irresistible to your man, who loves you no matter how you look.

I’ll have what they are having please!

Ever wondered why lesbian and bisexual people enjoy more orgasm? Research by Kinsey (2014) found that gay women orgasmed more often than their straight friends. The survey found that straight women had orgasms with their male partner 61.9% of the time whilst gay women said they orgasmed 74.7%.

So what are they doing to enjoy all this extra sexual pleasure? Research by Nichols (2013) found that heterosexual women don’t expect to have an orgasm, while women in gay relationships expect to orgasm every time. So if the expectation is that both partners will orgasm, time and effort is spent during foreplay and oral sex to make sure it happens.

Change position

The missionary position is not always the best sexual position to stimulate your clitoris, so
why not try the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT), a variation on the missionary position that stimulates the G-spot as well as the clitoris and encourages simultaneous orgasms.

You start out in the normal missionary position but with your partner resting their full weight on you, not on their elbows. Then they move about two inches forward so that their pelvis is over yours. With your legs around their thighs, you press up as they move backward so that you feel gentle but direct stimulation. The key is in the pressure and counter pressure and the rhythmic coordination of movement, a slow, gentle rocking.

You have to be rhythmic, controlled — and patient, you never just ride or collapse.

Also, when you’re both feeling close to orgasm, you have to wait and let it come to you — no grasping for it. You have to trust it will happen.

This is a technique which gets better results with practice.

Most orgasms are clitoral, not vaginal

If you believe that you will only orgasm through vaginal intercourse, then think again. 70% of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation.

The constant flow of media telling women that they can all achieve g-spot orgasms is wrong and leads women to think they can’t orgasm when the majority of women can, but through clitoral stimulation.

As the majority of vagina and vulva owners enjoy orgasms through clitoral stimulation, showing our partners and encouraging them to spend more time on this area during sex play will increase our chances of enjoying an orgasm or two!

So, stop being too considerate towards your partner in bed and start enjoying the benefits of great sex and fabulous orgasms by telling them what you want, where you want it and exactly how to do it. Sex is so much more fun and pleasurable when both partners enjoy it!