Sex toys have become an accepted part of people’s lives. Recent research has found that up to 75% of women own at least one sex toy and 36% of men own a sex toy too.
When you have a disability or become disabled, sex may not be your main concern but for some people, it is one of life’s pleasures they still enjoy. It plays a huge part of our lives and there is no reason why you should give up sex if you have a disability.
There are so many ways in which you can experience sexuality and sexual pleasure. Even when someone has lost all the physical sensation in their genital area, couples can still achieve sexual pleasure, closeness and even orgasm.
Simple changes to the way in which you have sexual intercourse can bring intense pleasure and improve your sexual health and wellbeing, both of which increase happiness and general health.
In recent years there has a been a change to the way in which sex toys are designed and how they work. There has been a move away from the phallic image of a penis towards more stylish products, many of which do not look like sex toys including remote control toys which can be worn internally and controlled by a small remote control device, vibrating strap on products and light weight vibrators, making it easier to hold them.
When choosing a sex toy, base it on both your needs and desires. As with all people, not just those with disabilities, one size does not fit all and you may have to be creative in your choice and how you use your sex toy.
What do you want your sex toy to do?
When choosing a sex toy, decide what you want it for. Do you just want it for masturbation, for use with a partner, for internal use, does it need to stick to a surface for stability?
A good sex toy retailer will know everything there is to know about their products and can advise you as to what would be suitable. They may dissuade you from buying the product you thought you wanted and encourage you to buy something more suited to your needs and possibly less expensive.
Avoid retailers who are unable to tell you about their products and may sell you something which is completely inappropriate for your needs.
When buying a sex toy, always make sure you choose a product that is safe. Some sex toys are made from “latex, jelly and rubber”: articles/sex-toy-tips/a-guide-to-buying-skin-safe-sex-toys which can trigger unpleasant sensitivities and allergic reactions, especially for people with multiple chemical sensitivities and reduced immunity.
They also contain harmful chemicals, such as phthalates, now banned from children’s toys. These types of materials are difficult to clean as they tend to be porous and can harbour bacteria. This also applies to lubricants and latex condoms which can cause allergic reactions too.
There are many sex toys made from skin safe silicone, which is velvety soft to the touch and gentle on the delicate tissues of the genital area.
Many are waterproof so can be cleaned effectively and will not absorb any unpleasant bacteria.
Metal and glass toys create different, pleasurable sexual sensations and both can be heated in warm water or cooled down in the fridge!
Consider the cost of a sex toy. A product which costs £10 can feel great but may not last as long as a better quality product costing more. The cost is often related to how it is designed, what functions it has and what it is made from.
Mobility and Motor Control
Your mobility and motor control will affect your choice of sex toy. How you can hold your sex toy and manipulate it to reach your body will impact upon your choice.
Consider what movement you have that you can use to move a toy: where do you want the toy to touch and can you reach it? If you want a vibrator, can you hold it in place whilst it is vibrating?
There are remote controlled toys which can be worn internally and controlled by a small remote controller.
Other toys can be fitted into your knickers against your clitoris; male toys such as the Fleshlight and Fun Factory Cobra fit over and around the penis and can be manually manipulated to mimic masturbating or vibrate to increase the sensations to the penis.
Cock rings fit around the base of the penis or scrotum, increasing your erection and prolonging your sexual pleasure. The JeJoue Mio is a vibrating cock ring which offers waves of arousing sensation throughout the penis. The Pulse III Duo can be used hands-free and fits easily around the penis when flaccid or erect. Ideal for both solo use or couples’ sex play as it offers clitoral stimulation too.
Massage wands have longer handles, enabling you to reach the part of the body you want to touch and are very powerful, offering strong vibrations, beneficial for decreased sensation. You can also balance them on a pillow or cushion bewteen your legs.
Dildos can be attached to harnesses or even stick to tiled walls or floors using suction pads on their base.
Battery, rechargeable or remote control
Consider if you want a battery operated product, rechargeable toy or remote control sex toy. Batteries can be fiddly to insert into the product, so a rechargeable toy may be more suitable.
Many rechargeable sex toys are very quiet too, something to consider if you live in shared accommodation and need privacy.
Remote control toys can be used without anyone knowing you are using it unless your moans of pleasure get out of control!
Fatigue can become an issue if your sex toy is too heavy. There are many light weight products available, such as the Picobong Zizo or Rocks-Off EveryGirl”:product/rocks-off-everygirl . Buy something you can easily put down if you become tired.
Massage wands can be held between your legs or rested on a pillow. Consider remote controlled sex toys which can be left inside you, but avoid falling asleep as there may a risk of burning your skin.
Some disabilities can cause people to have decreased sensation in their genital areas, but some sex toys such as vibrating cock rings can enable men to experience an erection and ultimately orgasm.
All Fleshlight toys have internal sleeves which are moulded to feel like the inside of a vagina, offering different moulded textures and sensations.The Fleshlight Vibro combines a penis sleeve with vibrations which can greatly increase sexual pleasure for men with diminished sensation. Fleshlight also come with a shower mount helping you to enjoy hands-free wet play and a sleeve warmer which creates a more realistic sexual sensation.
The Fun Factory Cobra v2 vibrates around the end of the penis, offering extra sexual stimulation. The Pulse Solo Essential sits around the penis whether erect or flaccid, meaning those with ED can still enjoy the scintillating sensations and can be used hands-free. Prostate massagers can enable a man to reach orgasm by massaging the prostate gland.
There are many powerful vibrators which can enable women to reach orgasm too. The Doxy is a strong body massager for extrernal use and can be rested upon a pillow or cushion.
The Satisfyer Pro 2 is an incredibly powerful clitoral stimulato that uses pulsation waves to gently caress and suck your clitoris, you just place it over your clitoris and allw the waves to gently tease your clitoris.
Just because one part of your body has diminished sensation, don’t assume the rest of your body is the same. Take time to explore what feels good for you. Having reduced sensitivity does not mean you have a reduced sexual response. The Satisfyer Pro 2 is ideal for nipple stimulation and some women even report enjoying a nipple orgams when using this amazing sex toy.
Try light bondage, such as Sex and Mischief Feather Slapper or silky ties and cuffs for added sexual pleasure.
Some people with hypersensitivity find vibrators unpleasant to use because they create too much stimulation. Using a sex toy you can control the movement which can help to decrease this feeling. Dildos which do not vibrate or silicone cock rings that just sit around the penis offer the sexual sensations you may be looking for, but without the increased sensitivity which can be uncomfortable. Glass and metal sex toys can be heated up in warm water or cooled down in the fridge to create different sexual sensation that can help with hypersensitivity.
The Satisfyer Pro 2 uses sound wave technology which is a completely unique sensation to that of a classic vibrator so ideal for those with hypersensitivity. Using it on the lowest setting you can still enjoy sexual pleasure and stimulation
This can often be a problem when living in shared or institutional environments. The attitude of the staff working in such environments can affect your sexual needs. Single rooms are best to enjoy your privacy, but this is not always possible.
Consider buying a rechargeable or remote control sex toy which are much quieter than battery operated sex toys. You can wear a remote control sex toy without anyone knowing you are using it unless your moans of sexual excitement get too loud!
Who cleans your sex toy is another consideration but often romantic partners can do this or residential facilities with an open mind. Using a condom over your sex toy can minimise the cleaning process. Cleaning sprays can make the job easier.
Some facilities engage trained sex workers to fulfil the needs of their disabled residents but these places are few and far between. Until there is an attitude change towards the sexual needs of people with disabilities living in residential homes, they will continue to be denied this very basic need of their lives which is so important to many people.
Having sex and orgasms keeps you happy, sexually healthy and is beneficial to your overall health and well being.
Types of sex toys
These come in different shapes and sizes and have varying levels of vibrations. Consider if you want a strong vibrator if you have decreased sensation. Many have different vibration speeds which can be increased or decreased according to your needs.
Some are rechargeable so you do not need to worry about putting in batteries which can be fiddly at times, especially if your manual dexterity is not very good. Being rechargeable means that your toy won’t run out of power at that crucial moment if you ensure it is charged up.
Some sex toys are fully waterproof so are ideal to use in the shower or bath and are easier to clean too.
You could start with a small bullet vibrator such as an RO-90mm which is inexpensive and slowly graduate to a larger product.
Clitoral vibrators are great for external stimulation and are often light weight, so easy to hold. Many look small but contain powerful motors such as the JeJoue Mimi Soft so don’t be discouraged by their size. The Satisfyer Pro 2 is extremely lightweight and easy to hold with its ergonomic handle. It offers stimulation through pulse waves which gently massage your clitoris, offering a completely different, yet powerful sexual sensation.
The “Screaming O Rub It”: is easy to hold between your fingers and doubles up to massage away those aches and pains.
The Doxy is a larger product offering the dual benefit of intimate stimulation and body massage.
The Rocks Off Ruby Glow has been designed as a sex toy to sit on, making it ideal for people with limited mobility.
Classic vibrators can be used internally and externally and come in a variety of sizes. If you are a vibrator virgin, a slim toy such Picobong Zizo, JeJoue Uma or OhMiBod Cuddle is a great first vibrator to buy.
The Doxy and Rocks-Off Purple Heart Massager both double up as a body massager as well as an intimate massager, so not only will they ease your sexual tension they will massage away your aches and pains at the same time. The handle of the Doxy is long enough to enable it to be held between the legs or rested on a pillow or cushion.
Made form liquid silicone Ava is completely flexible so fits almost any body shape.
The Rocks-Off Enigma is a powerful rabbit vibrator with a cleverly designed ergonomic handle making to easy to control and it stays in play for hands free pleasure too. Ideal for those looking for a bigger toy with deep rumbling vibrations for icnredible sexual sensation.
Pulsators such as the Fun Factory Stronic range have a hidden secret in that they look like normal vibrators but actually thrust all by themselves, making them a great sex toy for someone who has limited mobility. These completely waterproof toys use internal magnets to cause a strong thrusting motion to occur. The movement of the magnets creates a forward thrust of the toy inside you, producing that familiar, yet unique feeling.
Designed for both men and women, they come in different shapes for vaginal or anal use, or both. Pulsators are rechargeable, so no fiddly batteries.
Dildos come in all shapes and sizes such as Tantus range so there is something for everyone. Dildos are ideal for someone who has hypersensitivity and finds vibrators uncomfortable. The high grade silicone used to make dildos offers a silky smooth sensation, feels firm without being rigid and can be warmed to body temperature. Many have suction bases making them easy to secure to a flat surface.
Other dildos are made from medical grade metal and glass. The metal toys from nJoy can be warmed up or cooled down in a fridge to create different sexual sensations. The glass dildos such as Icicles are made from medical grade borosilicate glass, the same used for Pyrex dishes. Both are completely non toxic, beautifully designed and can be easily cleaned.
Remote Control Toys
Remote controlled sex toys are a great way to enjoy sexual intimacy and pelasure through just the touch of a button.
The Pulse III Duo is excellent for couples play as it allows a man to enjoy sexual stimulation even if he is unable to maintain an erection and also offers clitoral stimulation to his partner with a soft vibrating underbody, controlled by a remote! It enables a couples to simulate sexual intercourse so offering sexual intimacy and pleasure when penetrative is not possible or just another way to enjoy sex.
The Doppio 2 is an exciting new vibrating toy that can be used by yourself or with a partner with the added benefit of a remote control. Doppio 2 can be used in a wide variety of ways for both male and female pleasure and during penetrative sex.
There are three powerful but incredibly quiet motors, one in each arm and another in the body. The motors in the arms and the one in the body can be controlled independently and with the supplied remote.The arms are perfect for stimulating nipples, labia, clitoris and penis. It can even be used internally. The unique design of the Doppio also enables a man to wear it in the style of a cock ring for stimulation during sex.
Pelvic Floor Exercisers
The Lelo Lunaballs are great for strengthening your pelvic floor muscles or pubococcygeus (PC) muscles, especially if you suffer from bladder weakness. Once inserted, the clay balls inside the outer shell gently move around, causing the involuntary reflex of the body to hold them in place. Having strong PC muscles can help to alleviate incontinence and increase the intensity of your orgasms.
The Lelo Luna Smart Bead is a vibrating pelvic floor exerciser that offer a daily 5 minute exercise programme for you to follow. Easy to slip in, you start contracting your PC muscles in response to the vibrating pattern.
The MyStim range of vibrators not only offer vibration power but also electrical impulses, offering differing sexual stimulation, in addition to exercising the pelvic floor muscles too.
Ticklers, cuffs, whips and blindfolds
Sexual pleasure doesn’t always have to come from sexual intercourse and the use of bondage in the form of feather ticklers, cuffs, silky blindfolds and suede whips can heighten sexual sensations and arouse you in ways you may not have thought possible.
Being blindfolded heightens your sense of smell, touch, sound and taste, increasing sexual tension, wondering what will happen next.
Having decreased sensitivity does not mean reduced sexual response – you may find using one of the above can help produce sensations in parts of your body you haven’t explored yet.
Vibrators are not just for the fairer sex! Men can have lots of fun too. The male sex toy market has really changed and now offers a huge variety of products to tip you right over the edge.
The Fun Factory Cobra v2 was designed specifically to stimulate the head of the penis, producing unique and intense sensations. The Rocks Off Hands Solo sex toy is a silicone, open sleeve, vibrating masturbator, cleverly contoured to create breathtaking sensations with every stroke and all controlled at the touch of a button.
The Fun Factory Manta is designed to be the perfect fit for partner sex as well as solo play, sliding between your bodies and turning your penis into a vibrator. The flexible wings and ergonomic shape make it easy to hold and stroke comfortably, the divided shape making the vibrations feel stronger whilst the Manta ridges hold lube for a better stroking sensation so perfect for solo pleasure too.
Penis sheaths are great for people who find masturbation difficult or have a partner who finds it tiring or difficult to perform. The differing sensations created by the internal sleeves of these sex toys can increase sexual enjoyment and enable a man to achieve more intense orgasms.
Many penis sheaths are contoured internally to feel like the inside of a vagina, including the Fleshlight. The Verspanken male masturbator is a sex toy with soft lips that slips over the shaft of the penis. Coming in several designs such as bumpy and wavy, the Verspanken can be warmed up or cooled down, whatever your pleasure.
The Tenga Flip Hole and 3D masturbators have different internal designs, offering waves, bumps and nodules to change the sensation depending on how you hold it.
Cock rings have been around for years but now come in a wide range of models, offering different functions. Some are made from soft body safe silicone and stretch to fit around the base of the penis, providing extra support and restricting blood flow to enable a tall standing erection. Some can be worn around both the base of the penis and scrotum, delaying orgasm and enabling you to stay erect for longer.
Some cock rings, such as the JeJoue Mio vibrate – increasing sexual pleasure for the man by stimulating the whole of the penis with strong pulsating vibrations. The small motor can also create similar sexual pleasure for a woman by pressing against the clitoris, delivering waves of quivering delight to this very sensitive area of her body.
Hot Octopuss Atom Plus is designed with dual integrated motors, offering intense perineum stimulation combined with powerful vibrations on the top of the shaft of the penis. The unique shape of Atom Plus enables it to be be used from flaccid and allows the wearer to orgasm even without an erection, making it ideal for those with erectile dysfunction.
Cock rings should not be worn for more than 30 minutes and never fall asleep whilst wearing one.
Using a well designed penis pump can help you exercsie your penis and improve the quality of your werections. The Bathmate Hydromax is the first penis pump to incorporate water. Used as part of a daily showering or bathing routine, the Bathmate can improve blood circulation within the penis, leading to longer, firmer erections, utimately producing stronger orgasms.
Used prior to sexual intercourse in combination with a cock ring, men who have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse will find that the Bathmate will enable them to achieve such an erection. Gentler than other penis pumps, the combination of using warm water to promote blood flow to the penile tissues, the Bathmate hand pump is easy to use if you have limited manual dexterity.
Male orgasms not only occur through manual manipulation of the penis, but can also be triggered by prostate massage. Prostate orgasms can be incredibly intense. There are several prostate massagers such as the Rocks off O Boy which offer both manual and vibrating pleasure by gently massaging the prostate gland situated just inside the anus.
Prostate massage is beneficial for reducing tension and stress and keeping the prostate gland healthy by flushing out any static fluid which may build up, causing swelling and pressure, leading to urinary problems and the need for surgical intervention.
Butt plugs can either vibrate or just sit against the prostate gland increasing sexual pleasure. Flexible silicone beads can provide soft flexibility and intense stimulation when withdrawn, especially at the point of orgasm. Worn by both men and women, butt plugs can offer a new level of sexual pleasure.
Using a good lubricant can greatly heighten your sexual pleasure, either on its own or with a sex toy. Many women suffer from vaginal dryness whether they have a disability or not, as it can be caused by hormonal changes following child birth, surgery, menopause or disease, side effects of medication or just from the ageing process.
Men can also benefit for using lubrication during sex play to help prolong sexual stimulation.
The genital area is very sensitive and easily absorbs chemicals. Many lubricants contain ingredients such as glycerin, glycols and parabens, flavourings or dyes which can cause sensitivity, allergic reactions, irritation and even thrush.
Approved by the Soil Association, YES organic lubricants contain only plant extracts, beneficial and nourishing to the delicate skin of the genital region.
Water based or oil based, both offer different sensations: the oil based lubricant is thicker and creamier in consistency, staying on the skin longer. The water based lubricant, being thinner and very similar in consistency to the body’s natural secretions is quickly absorbed into the skin, nourishing and lubricating the tissues. Being free from perfume, taste, colour and residue, YES organic lubricants are a pleasure to use.
It comes in both bottles and handy applicators which are easy to insert and enable application of the lubricant directly where you want it to go.
Silky sheets and cushions
Using silky sheets and nihtwear not only feel sensual but can also aid moving about the bed by sliding into position.
You can use the pillows and cushions on the bed to help you get into a comfortable postion or try specially shaped wedges and body rolls to help support your body during sex.
Whatever your disability, sex does not have to be off the menu. By making simple adaptations to your sexual practice, you can enjoy all the benefits of having a fulfilling sex life can offer and indulge in the best sex you have ever had.
Outsiders : www.outsiders.org.uk
Enhance the UK : www.enhancetheuk.org/enhance/the-love-lounge
Enable Magazine :www.enablemagazine.co.uk
ChoiceSupport : www.choicesupport.org.uk have set up Loving Support campaign to help people enjoy relationships and sexual intimacy and pleasure.
Bloggers I follow
Emily Rose Yates :www.emilyroseyates.co.uk
Mik Scarlet : www.mikscarlet.com
Kelly Perks Bevington : http://www.kellyperksbevington.com/