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Sex and Disability

Sex and Disability | Jo Divine

Sexuality doesn’t end when a person suffers a disability. There are so many ways to experience sexuality and sexual pleasure. Even if a person loses all the physical sensation in their genital regions they can still achieve physical closeness, pleasure and even orgasm by becoming creative in their sexual activity. Sex is extremely important to better health and well being, it makes us feel good because it offer so many benefits, both physically and mentally, to keep us happy and satisfied.

Living with a disability can create limitations to your sex lives but by making adaptations to the way in which you have sex means you can continue to have a fulfilling sex life. Incorporating changes to the position in which you have sexual intercourse, using sex toys to stimulate parts of your body you are unable to reach or feel sensation and practising sex without sexual intercourse can help you to lead a totally satisfying and perhaps an even better sex life.

Communication

Communication is extremely important when it comes to getting what you want from sex. Letting your partner know what works or doesn’t work for you will make them feel more confident about what they are doing and how they are doing it. You need to be sensitive about the way in which you bring up the subject and try not to criticise their actions but say “I love it when you do this” or “this way works better for me”. You may even find that your partner is more willing to try try new sexual experiences than you realised!

Telling each other how you feel, what you like or would like or what you fantasise about can bring a whole new feeling of openness to any sexual relationship. By experimenting with different ideas, techniques and using your imagination, you will soon find out what works for you and bring you both better, sexual satisfaction.

Change your position

If you find a certain position uncomfortable, change it. When trying a new position for the first time, take it slowly and check that your partner is comfortable too. Sexual intercourse doesn’t need to be deep penetration or even penetration, there are so many other intensely pleasurable things you can do. There is an array of sex furniture available to buy, designed to help you achieve the most comfortable position for you or you could just use pillows and cushions.

Great sex without penetration

Sex without intercourse can allow many couples to enjoy a more fulfilling sex life. When intercourse isn’t possible, focus on hand massage of the genital area, use of sex toys, read erotic fiction and light bondage.

Manual or oral stimulation can be pleasurable if penetration isn’t possible. Masturbating in front of each other can be deeply arousing or masturbating each other using your hands, mouth or with a sex toy can bring most people to orgasm. According to research only 25% of women orgasm through penetrative sex, the other 75% require clitoral stimulation and often achieve mind blowing orgasms this way. Clitoral sex toys are amazing and can help you avoid becoming tired if your orgasm is taking some time to achieve. Gently rubbed over your clitoris, you can control the speed and rhythm of the vibrations to achieve the perfect orgasm. Many are beautifully designed and quiet.

Using blindfolds and silk ties can enhance your senses and make you concentrate on the pleasurable sensations you are feeling.

Body massage using sensual massage oils enable you to connect with each other and makes you feel great. Often people with disabilities aren’t touched by other people because they don’t know how to or don’t want to cause any discomfort or distress to the person with the disability but touch is an important part of life and can feel fantastic as well as ease any aches and discomfort caused by the disablilty.

Great lubrication

Most women experience vaginal dryness at some stage of their life, either through hormonal changes during pregnancy, menopause, side effects of medication or disability. Using a great lubrication can improve your sex life enormously and make it feel incredibly arousing. Be careful about the type of lubricant you choose. The best organic lubricant is YES organic lubricants which are entirely made from plant extracts and do not contain the nasty chemicals that other lubricants contain. It is also fully certified by the Soil Association.

Oil based lubricants cannot be used on condoms as they degrade the rubber and silicone lubricants should not be used with silicone sex toys as it will damage the silicone of the toy.

Get the right help

If you are experiencing problem with your sex life, seek help from your doctor who should be able to provide you with practical advice, medical help or couples therapy. Don’t let them prescribe medication unless you really need it. Sex therapy is extremely useful and can help you through your problems without the need for drug taking.

If your doctor is unhelpful, seek help and advice from disability charities and associations who will be able to point you in the right direction to ease your problem.

Whatever you do, don’t give up. Just because you are living with a disability, you shouldn’t have to give up sex. Sexual health and well-being is important to maintaining good health, both physically and mentally and promoting positive relationships with our partners.

Useful Websites

Outsiders : www.outsiders.org.uk
Enhance the UK : www.enhancetheuk.org/enhance/the-love-lounge
Scope: www.scope.org.uk
Enable Magazine :www.enablemagazine.co.uk
Disability Horizons : www.disabilityhorizons.com

Bloggers I follow
Emily Rose Yates :www.emilyroseyates.co.uk
Mik Scarlet : www.mikscarlet.com
Kelly Perks Bevington : http://www.kellyperksbevington.com/